I've never felt more alone.

[brookebellamy]

I don't really have friends. My best friend kicked me out of her life because the guy she was with didn't like me. He made her choose and she chose him. We were friends for 5 years and she dumped me like it was nothing. I know I'm better off without her but it still hurts. I have had a terrible year. I just had back surgery. The scariest thing I've ever had to go through and I may never be able to walk right again because I have severe nerve damage in my leg. I haven't had a single friend call or text to check up on me. I have a fear of men thanks to being mentally abused by my father for most of my life. I have to live with my mom who is married to a very creepy man. I almost get a panic attack every time I see him and I do freak out if I have to be alone with him. I'm depressed. I have no one. I'm alone. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Al]

Sorry you feel so bad brooke, and i lived for years with pain in my legs and back so i know how that gets you down after so long
And you are right, you prob are better off without that friend, but doesnt stop you missing them does it? I've gone through periods of having no friends at all because of the way i am at times, i push them away and ignore them for months at a time, dont even know why.
Life is hard enough with support, and its much harder to deal with stuff on your own. Nothing i can say to make you feel better im afraid, not much in life worse than a phone that never rings is there
Life can get better though, that much i do know, stick with it. Sometimes the only way is up.

[brookebellamy]

It's definitely tough to have no one around for support. I lay in bed and I try to distract myself but after a while, it's hard to not think about it. And the more friends I lose I start to think it's me so I rethink everything that happened. All that does is bring up memories of when we were close and that just makes me even sadder. Thanks for your reply though. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that it will get better. It's just harder to keep saying it day after day when nothing is different.

[Al]

lol i know that feeling brooke! Staying positive is easy for a few days, when your life is shit for months and years its a different matter. And its natural to blame yourself for losing friends, i do a lot too, although it is often my fault. I turn my phone off for weeks or even months at a time, no wonder people stop calling.
In your case though, it wasnt your fault, men often get jealous of girlfriends being close to their friends. Its just a way to control them more, making her stop seeing you. And if she just cut you off, maybe you are better off although its not much consolation i know.

[brookebellamy]

I found out last night that he admitted to ruining our friendship but she thinks I screwed her over for paying rent one day late the last month I lived there. I only paid it late because my boss refused to give me my check and I called the landlord and explained that it would be one day late. But if she wants to be petty over something I can't control then there is 5 years of a friendship gone.

[Al]

Its weird how people just cut you off like that after so long isnt it? Makes you wonder if they ever really cared or if you were just friends because, like, you were there if that makes sense, and someone had to be that friend. A friend by default
Do you not have friends or people you could get t know better at work or college etc? I make most of my friends that way, but am not working atm as i got stressed and walked ut of my last job, regret it now but i had enough and couldnt stay. Or any family you get on with, cousins or sisters etc?
Sorry about your stepdad btw, not nice feeling uncomfortable in your own home i suppose.

[brookebellamy]

I go to school online and I can't work until I get released from my surgery. My mom is either at work or with her husband. I have a sister but she's 7 so I feel more like a parent to her than a friend. I'm just kinda stuck in my house alone. The thought has definitely crossed my mind of why we were friends for so long to start with. I just feel so confused and lost. I understand walking out on a job. I did that on my last one. That's the job that caused the damage to my back that made me need surgery. I just didn't know that at the time I left.

[Al]

Ah, lterally isolated then eh? Sorry to hear it mate, i was the same when i had back problems for years, just an existence of loneliness and constant pain, not nice at all. Hope being here helps at least, although its not the busiest site in the world tbh. Most people use the chatroom i think but not my thing, i dont do 5 word conversations!
And seven year olds are fine for a game on xbox, not so good for conversations, unless its about twilight or justin frickin bieber

[brookebellamy]

This site helps some. At least there are a few people to talk to. Thank you for talking to me I really appreciate it. I don't like chat rooms either. I always end up talking to someone who is on the site for cyber sex. I don't like that. I just want someone to talk to when I go to those sites. Thankfully I've taught my sister well and justin beiber is worse than cussing! I don't live with my sister though. She lives with my dad so I don't see her very often. I talk to her on the phone a lot though. But that only goes so far.

[Al]

hey brooke how you holding up? Any better?
And i'm glad you educated your sister in bieber-hating thats a job well done at least

[brookebellamy]

I'm ok. My mom is going to help me find a counselor. My back is getting better. I got the staples out and got released to drive. I still can't work for 4 more weeks but hopefully time will go by fast and I can get out of the house. Yes, of course I had to teach her to not like Justin Beiber. He is awful, she and I listen to much better music!

[Al]

Lol, people shouldnt have staples in them brooke Argh! Sick!
At least you can get out and about now though, thats a bonus and a counsellor is a great idea, they really help some people, just be honest or else they cant do anything if they dont know the whole story.

[brookebellamy]

Yeah, I've never really been much of a home body so being stuck inside the last few months have been making me beyond stir crazy. Now I try to get out as often as I can. It's only a few days a week because I am still kinda weak and have zero energy, so when I do go out I'm drained for a couple days. I went through counseling before and it was really starting to help me but then I didn't have enough money to be able to go anymore. Too many bills to pay then. I'm hoping it can help me again.

[myhauger]

Hi Brooke,
I know how you feel. I no friends. My so called friend from school did the exact same thing to me as your friend did to you. We were friends since second grade, but then just a few years ago it ended. She turned against me and I have no clue as to why. She quit talking to me and she backstabbed me as well. The best friend I ever had and my one true friend had passed away this year when he tragically fell through a barn floor. He was my support and I miss him so much. I know exactly what you are going through and I feel your pain. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here.

[brookebellamy]

Thanks. I'm sorry about your friend. It's gotta be tough going through that. What really sucks about friends leaving you is not knowing the whole reason why. All I hear are stupid excuses. If they don't like me or something, why did we become friends in the first place? It just doesn't make a lot of sense.