idk whats wrong

[papercrane]

well I haven't really talked to anyone and the school holidays have just started again and I'm always really depressed because hardly anyone ever calls me or asks to do something and its not like I sit alone at lunch i guess none of my real friends consider me there friends and i don't consider them that either. they're never there for me in my moment of need and one girl admitted that she was depressed and they just bagged her out as an attention seeker but whats wrong with wanting attention and what if it was serious. and I can't just ramble on about not having proper friends becuase I feel like I'm dissing them and well i am. i really want the confidence to find a new group of friends but in year 9 everyones really settled and i started crying and my mum thinks I'm being bullied at school and she wants me to move schools and I'm scared but i want a fresh start but I'm terrible with first impressions but my mum telling all her mother friends now that my current school really bad but its not so bad I'm the problem some girls call me things like a nerd or skinny freak and in group activities no one joins up with me and i don't know why I'm really repulsive well I'm sort of am but not crazy mutated I mean I have a big chin and a strangely shaped nose and huge bags under my eyes and my first semester report got in and i got Cs in heaps compared to my laster ones As and my parents are really dissapointed in me and they have such high expectations. I'm started to eat alot as well and I've put on 4 kilos i tried to kill myself twice I have to huge scars on my legs they've been there for ages and I'm starting to think they'll always be there I told everyone i just tripped. i sleep in and am really restless at night I'm always hungry and my I am getting to the stage in life where I get fat and I am now and all out of proportion my hairs really short and i just want iti to grow long again i alwyas dress "wierdly" too. i feel trapped but mostly i'm numbed by sadness i don't really have much of a reason to be my grades are failing and I'm ugly some people have it worse. b ut I welcome the sadness well not really but i don't fight i feel resigned to life, even though i tried to end it. theres so much more i'll write it later though mainly i'm just scared and always fighting a lump in my throat

[St8arrow]

well I haven't really talked to anyone and the school holidays have just started again and I'm always really depressed because hardly anyone ever calls me or asks to do something and its not like I sit alone at lunch i guess none of my real friends consider me there friends and i don't consider them that either.

From St8arrow

Thank you for coming into this site and telling us all of the problems that are mixed up inside your mind. Rather than harp on your run-on style of writing, I will acknowledge that it indicates that you are under a great level of stress and feel that you don't have the time to separate your words and sentences properly.

Please believe me when I tell you that most people would not have the patience to read through all of your run-on sentences. Unless you convey your story clearly, most people will not respond to you. Since I am 74 years old, perhaps time and age has given me more patience than I had earlier in my life.

From Papercrane

they're never there for me in my moment of need and one girl admitted that she was depressed and they just bagged her out as an attention seeker but whats wrong with wanting attention and what if it was serious. and I can't just ramble on about not having proper friends becuase I feel like I'm dissing them and well i am.

From St8arrow

Depression is a difficult thing to understand. People are afraid of it and so if you say that you are depressed, some people say you want attention rather than say that they don't know how to help the person who is depressed. You are absolutely right, if the depression is serious and/or unrelenting, then it can lead to self-inflicted violence which you tell us about later in your letter.

From Papercrane

i really want the confidence to find a new group of friends but in year 9 everyones really settled and i started crying and my mum thinks I'm being bullied at school and she wants me to move schools and I'm scared but i want a fresh start but I'm terrible with first impressions but my mum telling all her mother friends now that my current school really bad but its not so bad --- I'm the problem.

From St8arrow

Good for you. At least you have the courage to admit that you have to change instead of blaming it all on someone or something else. We have to give you confidence that you can get through these negative comments that people make about you.

When I was a teenager, I was 6 ft. 2 in. tall and skinny as a rail, with big ears and buck teeth, (the last two have been corrected with plastic surgery and dental correction.) the first two, --- being tall has turned into a positive now that I am 170 lbs and looking good, --- at least that's what my somewhat biased wife says.

So look after yourself. Don't confuse nervousness with hunger pains in your stomach, because that will end up putting lots of extra pounds on your body.

From Papercrane

some girls call me things like a nerd or skinny freak and in group activities no one joins up with me and i don't know why I'm really repulsive well I'm sort of am but not crazy mutated I mean I have a big chin and a strangely shaped nose and huge bags under my eyes and my first semester report got in and i got Cs in heaps compared to my laster ones As and my parents are really dissapointed in me and they have such high expectations.

I'm started to eat alot as well and I've put on 4 kilos i tried to kill myself twice I have to huge scars on my legs they've been there for ages and I'm starting to think they'll always be there I told everyone i just tripped. i sleep in and am really restless at night I'm always hungry and my I am getting to the stage in life where I get fat and I am now and all out of proportion

my hairs really short and i just want iti to grow long again i alwyas dress "wierdly" too. i feel trapped but mostly i'm numbed by sadness i don't really have much of a reason to be my grades are failing and I'm ugly some people have it worse. b ut I welcome the sadness well not really but i don't fight i feel resigned to life, even though i tried to end it. theres so much more i'll write it later though mainly i'm just scared and always fighting a lump in my throat

I think you feel that it is all hopeless so why bother trying to make sense out of it all. Fortunately your zest for life shines through your letter in spite of all of the negatives that you talk about. Write that letter sooner rather than later. And try your best to calm down and separate your sentences and paragraphs similar to what I have tried to do in this letter .

Welcome aboard this website and please, --- don't be a stranger.

[dustinthewind]

Sending you hugs. I started to experience depression about your age and it certainly adds to all the confusion everyone is feeling at that stage (although truth be told, it seems there is confusion at every stage of life...). Have you talked with your family about seeing a therapist? Or does your school have a counselor you could talk to? I'm wondering if that might be something worth considering before making a significant change such as changing schools.

I'm sorry you are scared and have that "lump in your throat" feeling. Please do write more. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.