too much for my brain to handle..

[lady1]

Hi I am new here and in desperate need of someone who understands. I have always had depression but I felt I controled it by staying busy or putting my thinking to my children and home. For the past 2 years I have been lost. My mother died in 2010 and since that moment I have been battling depression. I am 40 with a husband and 2 children. My mother died an unexpected death so my dad moved into an apartment we own right behind my home. I have a sister but honestly I have always been the dependable one as far as family goes. I had no choice but to move my dad in here because my mother had handled everything in their marriage and he was destroyed when she died. Anyway as time went on I realized the effect this was having on my family and me. We have no privacy and it seems I am constantly doing for everyone and guilt ridden over what I dont do. My daughter is age 19 and moved out less than a year ago in a rebellious way to live with her boyfriend. I felt abandoned. She told everyone how bad her life was here and honestly I dont think she has any good feelings toward me at all. I was a stay at home mom and raised her and her 12 year old brother while their dad worked. It wasnt easy but I tried. When my mother passed I started drinking to try to deal with everything. It would help in the moment but afterwards the guilt would eat me up. I felt like such a failure. a bad mom, a bad daughter and a bad wife..I just felt sick. 2 days ago I was feeling real low and overwhelmed and just mad at the world so I started drinking. I went to an event with my husband, son, daughter and her bf. I ended up drinking too much and made a fool of myself and them. I am so ashamed and from that moment decided no more alcohol cause it only makes everything worse. I poured out the rest and a part of me is proud of that but Im scared in my low moments what I will do. I dont want to turn to alcohol but I feel lost. I came here as a last resort to maybe make frds with someone who understands. I just dont know anymore where to turn. sorry for the long story

[St8arrow]

Hi I am new here and in desperate need of someone who understands. I have always had depression but I felt I controlled it by staying busy or putting my thinking to my children and home.

From St8arrow

One of the definitions of depression is the resignation that nothing will make things better and so the person does nothing. Keeping yourself busy and showing empathy for your children was and is a great way to control or overcome depression. So I congratulate you for those actions in the past.

From lady1

For the past 2 years I have been lost. My mother died in 2010 and since that moment I have been battling depression. I am 40 with a husband and 2 children. My mother died an unexpected death so my dad moved into an apartment we own right behind my home. I have a sister but honestly I have always been the dependable one as far as family goes. I had no choice but to move my dad in here because my mother had handled everything in their marriage and he was destroyed when she died.

From St8arrow

As is per usual, as we get older and have to cope with our own family and an extended family also, these new responsibilities have overwhelmed you. As difficult as it may seem, you have to tell your father that he is not your son and he has to begin to stand on his own two feet. If part of that standing involves your sister or others in your family stepping up to the plate, then so be it.

You owe it to your immediate family, your husband and your children to concentrate more on them. If your father becomes angry or upset simply tell him it is time that he grows up. He isn't the first man who lost his wife unexpectedly and he will not be the last.

From lady1


---When my mother passed I started drinking to try to deal with everything. It would help in the moment but afterwards the guilt would eat me up. I felt like such a failure. a bad mom, a bad daughter and a bad wife..I just felt sick. 2 days ago I was feeling real low and overwhelmed and just mad at the world so I started drinking. I went to an event with my husband, son, daughter and her bf. I ended up drinking too much and made a fool of myself and them. I am so ashamed and from that moment decided no more alcohol cause it only makes everything worse. I poured out the rest and a part of me is proud of that but I'm scared in my low moments what I will do.

From St8arrow

You have a right to be proud of the fact that you saw through the long term effects of drinking alcohol and you are determined to stop drinking. Thanks for choosing to come into this website. There are plenty of good, caring and empathic people on this site and together we will do everything we can to help you deal with your escalating problems.

The first step, even though this might sound arrogant of me, is to follow the advice that I have given you above in this submission. Remember the following advice once again. Your first responsibility is to your immediate family. If your father decides that you are abandoning him;' tell him you are doing no such thing.

You are looking after your immediate family and giving him a chance to become the man that you used to think that he was. Sometimes tough love can be cruel but at the same time for your own stress level and for your father's chance to stand on his own two feet, tough love sometimes becomes absolutely necessary.

From lady1

I don't want to turn to alcohol but I feel lost. I came here as a last resort to maybe make friends with someone who understands. I just don't know anymore where to turn. sorry for the long story

It's not a long story if all of the ideas are valuable. If your letter was shorter, we would not have a clear picture of your dilemma. Finally, I will end with some humor.

My wife and I met at a library. But she likes to tell people that we met at a Travel Agency. She was looking for a holiday and I was the last resort. To which I say: We met at a bar. I was trying to leave when I tripped over her.

Smile though your heart is breaking,

Smile --- oh oh, that's all of the song that I remember right now. Maybe Warmie will come in here and finish the words for me. She seems to have all of these kind of songs right at her fingertips.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Smile when your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
Smile through your tears and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through to you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Even a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use in crying?
You’ll see the sun come shining through
If you just smile

Smile when your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
Smile through tears and sorrow
Smile maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through to you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace with sadness
Even a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll see that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

[St8arrow]

Told ya, lady1.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hey you asked.