If I had wings to fly...

[CriesSilentTears]

I'm almost seventeen, no boyfriend, no life. My mum and I are pretty close but I can't talk to her about some things. I don't eat anything really, it's too much work. When I sleep, the nightmares come. I can't cry. I can't waste time on my own happiness. I live my life to make others happy and it makes me miserable. I wish I could just go some where new, make a fresh start. A new house, a new school, a new me. I could be the goth/emo kid no one talks to, I wouldn't have any friends, no one could hurt me because I wouldn't care about them. I could lose myself in my stories and songs.
But that's never going to happen, I know I just need to deal with it because making others happy is my job. I feel like there's no escape because I'm not allowed to kill myself, I promised my mum I wouldn't. I don't want to hurt her like that. What's the point? Everyone can get along just fine with out me. Why should I waste energy living?

[dd-va]

CriesSilentTears,
Thank you for sharing your story....I hope you find support here on these forums. Take Care and Keep Fighting!

[incu]

hi im wane i live in north east england. I developed social anxiety and depression when my grandad died when i was 8. I was wondering whether anyone else lived in north east england.

[balcony]

Hi incu, I am very sorry to hear about your grandad. I was 12 when my first grandfather passed away and all these years later I still have vivid and wonderful memories of him. This site has a worldwide following so I am sure you will meet someone from your part of the UK. I hope you keep posting and it is nice to meet you.

[Destination]

making others happy is my job

I have to disagree with you a bit here CriesSilentTears. It is not your job to make others happy. If you have spent most of your 17 years trying to make others happy, then let me tell you, from experience I know this won't work.

I have spent nearly 35 years trying to make others happy and I was miserable. Granted I still have my bad days where I don't feel so great, but I have to say, I feel a million times better than I used to once I stopped trying to please everyone.

Take time to think about what it is you need in your life. A boyfriend is a bonus at this point. You will want to get yourself together before you start thinking about taking on the feelings and problems that come with getting involved with someone.

I don't think you should kill yourself because whether you believe it or not, I'm sure the world would not be better off without you. I think you have something special that only you can offer others in your life. But before you can find that, you may need to work on saying no to people without guilt, and on getting yourself to feeling better.

Maybe you can find some free or low cost counseling? And of course here you are always free to talk Don't give up there is so much to live for! ((( hugs if you want them ))