Hmm... I've finally decided to take care of me, but I'm still apprehensive to talk with a counselor so I'm here first. I had a melt down at work last week and thankfully my employer was understanding and didn't fire me. She suggested I get help and I agree with her. Anyway, I grew up in a co-dependent relationship with my mom. She was depressed and anxious on and off throughout my childhood and I stayed strong for her. Always the fixer. Doing that I've learned to mask all my feelings - good and bad.
My 20s were full of bad relationships - me being mean to the good guys that liked me and only wanting the guys that didn't want me. Job jumped until I ended where I am now. A job that I loved for 5 years - then I got married and had a baby. Now all I want is to be a stay at home mom and I've grown to have this huge resentment for my job and those at it. I hate it all. I need the money and I don't think I would be any happier at another job. I once love this job with all that I am.
I feel selfish to be so depressed about something so silly. Don't we all hate our jobs? I think my biggest problem is I just don't deal with my feelings - at all. And with the transition to wife and mother, I no longer have any alone time. I'm having to fight for it now. I had an element of loner before this change and now I'm on all the time. I resent that at times as well.
I just want to be happy. I really don't have a lot to be upset about. I have a wonderful daughter, a husband who loves me dearly and I love dearly, a job I was once very passionate about... why am I so sad?
Hello
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Hi Zubov22 and welcome to the forums. Congratulations on being a Mom.
I think your post shows a lot of understanding and reflection on your situation. The career/family conflict is an intense one for many parents. You are not odd in anyway for feeling the things you feel. I will say, that as a parent, you go through different stages raising children and some are easier than others. There are times when work outside of the home is easier because of this.
Each person is different and ultimately you have to do what is best for your family. I do think talking to someone will help you sort through these emotions and feel better.
You might check out our Chat room too. Chat is another great resource at DU where you can express your feelings and interact with other people.
Take care and keep posting
I think your post shows a lot of understanding and reflection on your situation. The career/family conflict is an intense one for many parents. You are not odd in anyway for feeling the things you feel. I will say, that as a parent, you go through different stages raising children and some are easier than others. There are times when work outside of the home is easier because of this.
Each person is different and ultimately you have to do what is best for your family. I do think talking to someone will help you sort through these emotions and feel better.
You might check out our Chat room too. Chat is another great resource at DU where you can express your feelings and interact with other people.
Take care and keep posting
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St8arrow
Re: Hello
Zubov22 wrote:Hmm... I've finally decided to take care of me, but I'm still apprehensive to talk with a counselor so I'm here first. I had a melt down at work last week and thankfully my employer was understanding and didn't fire me. She suggested I get help and I agree with her. Anyway, I grew up in a co-dependent relationship with my mom. She was depressed and anxious on and off throughout my childhood and I stayed strong for her. Always the fixer. Doing that I've learned to mask all my feelings - good and bad.
From St8arrow
It's nice to see that you are no longer masking your feelings here on this site. Becoming a Mother can be very trying at times. You want the best for your child. Before I got married and had a girl, who is 48 years old now, I didn't care what happened to me but after Cindy was born, I couldn't treat her like I had treated myself. I had to stand on two feet and make some kind of a home for her, myself and my wife.
From Zubov22
My 20s were full of bad relationships - me being mean to the good guys that liked me and only wanting the guys that didn't want me. Job jumped until I ended where I am now. A job that I loved for 5 years - then I got married and had a baby. Now all I want is to be a stay at home mom and I've grown to have this huge resentment for my job and those at it. I hate it all. I need the money and I don't think I would be any happier at another job. I once love this job with all that I am. I feel selfish to be so depressed about something so silly.
From St8arrow:
There is nothing silly about your desires to be a stay at home Mom. However, in today's world, the cost of everything is so high that most families require two paychecks to make things work. You are far from being alone with these kind of concerns. All you can do is your best. If you provide a stable home life for your child or children, you will be doing better than many other people.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are better than the opinion that you have expressed about yourself in this submission. Do everything you possibly can to do the best with what you have and if you or your husband find that you can handle more stress and more responsibility, then go for it. Usually if you can handle the stress and responsibility you earn a better wage and feel more successful in your efforts to be a good Mother. Cheers to you and keep your chin up high. You deserve it.
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From Zubov22
I just want to be happy. I really don't have a lot to be upset about. I have a wonderful daughter, a husband who loves me dearly and I love dearly, a job I was once very passionate about... why am I so sad?
I'll try to post in here a rather special quote about attitude by Charles Swindell. At least I think that is what his name is. Paraphrasing his message, it comes down to this. You are in charge of your attitude. You decide whether you will be happy or sad. The other comment that I would like to make here is as follows: "If you act cheerful, eventually you will become cheerful." It has worked for me and countless other people also. Why not you too!!!
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St8arrow
(The following words are a paraphrased quote from Charles Swindoll.)
"The longer I live, the more that I realize the incredible impact of attitude on life. It is more important than education, money, circumstances, failure, success or what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home."
"We cannot change the past or the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. But we do have a choice regarding the type of attitude with which we choose to embrace each and every day of our lives with."
"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. You are in charge of your attitude. If you choose an attitude which reflects happiness and quiet confidence about yourself to those that you come into contact with, and if you constantly try to increase your knowledge, no matter what life’s uncertainties bring, you will live successfully."
"The longer I live, the more that I realize the incredible impact of attitude on life. It is more important than education, money, circumstances, failure, success or what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home."
"We cannot change the past or the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. But we do have a choice regarding the type of attitude with which we choose to embrace each and every day of our lives with."
"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. You are in charge of your attitude. If you choose an attitude which reflects happiness and quiet confidence about yourself to those that you come into contact with, and if you constantly try to increase your knowledge, no matter what life’s uncertainties bring, you will live successfully."
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