Hay I'm New and hate the sounds of the people.

[Thatoneguy]

I'm more and more in the darkness and just don't like people and I'm trying to get better so I'm on this website.

[dd-va]

Hi Thatineguy! Glad that you are here and trying to improve yourself! Good luck!

[St8arrow]

Hello Thatoneguy:

I hope you don't mind me guessing here but I do think it is an educated guess. If you don't like people, I think it might partially be from not being able to understand what they might say or do next.

I think that you will find the people on this site are friendly and caring and I hope things will be better for you in the near future. Thanks for coming on board. You are welcome here anytime that you feel like posting another message.

[Thatoneguy]

You got part of it right and the part of it is a huge part.

Thank you for being supportive of me. It means a lot to me.

[St8arrow]

Tell us about an interpersonal relationship that has left you baffled trying to understand where the other person is coming from.

[Thatoneguy]

There was some thing on her mind and she was talking I was listening and sitting there looking at her but not really at her more like every thing around her and when she was done or at least she stop talking and I said well thats good. She freaked out because her dog died or some thing.

[balcony]

HI Thatoneguy, I am sorry it has taken me so long to welcome you. I find your honesty very touching. People can be hard, yes, and forming relationships even harder. I wish you comfort and support as you continue the struggle. Keep posting and take care.

[Thatoneguy]

Thank you balcony for the welcome.

[St8arrow]

From Thatoneguy:

There was some thing on her mind and she was talking I was listening and sitting there looking at her but not really at her more like every thing around her and when she was done or at least she stop talking and I said well thats good. She freaked out because her dog died or some thing.
_________________

Hello Thatoneguy:

It sounds to me like you weren't really listening to what she was saying. Apparently she was telling you that her dog died and then you said: "That's good." If I am guessing right, no wonder that she freaked out.

I would suggest that you get in touch with her by phone or whatever and simply admit that you were not listening. If it is true you could tell her that you were looking at her and thinking about how beautiful she is.

Before one learns to be a good talker or writer, one has to learn to listen to what other people are saying. I hope you will accept this constructive criticism in the spirit that it is given. Hopefully it will prevent you from making this kind of mistake again.

Ps. It wouldn't hurt to say something nice about her dog either.

[Thatoneguy]

I'm a very very good listener some times just not most the time. I can be like a sponge and get all info and remember it all even peoples side conversations. I just happened not to care about her or her problems when I was with her we didn't have a very good time. I'm emotionally distant and she is very touchy filly.

Also we broke up.

I should of cared well more but it was a pain to care it was so boring.

[St8arrow]

Hello Thatoneguy:

I believe you. Well one of two things are possible here. Either you didn't care about this girl and you are not "depressed" about not seeing her again. Or, you think that even if you did find a girl that you were impressed with, she'd wind up not understanding you anyway and why bother. Pardon my guessing here but there is a method to my madness. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of what is making you feel like you are in darkness (and/or depressed).

[Thatoneguy]

I really didn't like her I thought she was cool when we started but there where two main reason for us breaking up she was huge in to pills and other drugs. She was always dragging me shopping for shoes or some thing that wasn't popular. She dragged me to meet hear friends and pay for her and tip the waiter she would insult.

We didn't work on any level at all. There are way worse things that have happened to me then her. Or are miss understandings.

again thanks for commenting

[St8arrow]

All I can say is that once you explain what has been going on, no wonder you weren't interested in continuing the relationship any further. I pity the next guy that winds up on her "hit" list. I think an old song would be appropriate here. "Pass me by, if you're only passing through."

I could mention that your spelling and some of your words are not exactly what you intended them to be. There is an expression that says:
"A problem that is well stated is half solved." I hope that you accept this constructive criticism in the positive manner that I intended it to be.

[Thatoneguy]

I'm not really sure what my problem is for me communication I just not good at it. If I'm not interested I can't even care or listen with out a trying to. Even then I don't seem to care at all. If it isn't interesting I can't care.
That is it that is my main problem and a lake of empathy. I don't understand other peoples filling they can be joking and I'll see it as being serious. If there sad I'll take it as there happy unless there crying. Its my second problem a lake of understanding of others thoughts and fillings.

[St8arrow]

--- That is it that is my main problem and a lake of empathy.

From Myself

Actually I wish I had a "lake" of empathy, I think I am confined to a small pond.

From Thatoneguy

I don't understand other peoples filling they can be joking and I'll see it as being serious.

From Myself

Actually you have hit on an important point here. Many people do use humor to say something that they think the other person won't like. Then they can always fall back on the expression: (I was only joking.)

From Thatoneguy

If there sad I'll take it as there happy unless there crying. Its my second problem a lake of understanding of others thoughts and fillings.

Once again I am going to be guessing here so don't be surprised if I am wrong. Some people who curse and swear a lot, have trouble writing or speaking fluently. I used to live in Toronto, Canada. Our hockey team had a coach who apparently couldn't string two words together without resorting to using filthy language. When he was giving an interview on the radio, he stammered and had a hard time finding the proper words to use.

Using profanity, in my not so humble opinion, shows frustration and also laziness as well as a failure to realize how important words actually are. The laziness comes into play as follows: Rather than say that someone is wearing a winter coat, a red coat, a short coat etc. the lazy person just calls it a F------ coat.