I hate my father

[Nisa85]

I was feeling a lil lost lately and for the longest time, Ive been trying to figure out the hatred my dad had for me. This is the story of my biased father.

I am 26 years old this year and ever since I can remember, I've always thought that my father have been practicing favoritism since I was a child. For every mistakes my siblings did, I will get the trashing. He loves my sis more cause she's way more beautiful than I am. I've tried to win his love since I was a child by getting good results and high paid job to ease his burden, but he never actually recognize any of my efforts. He keeps on praising my sister in front of relatives and his friends and keeps on saying what a beauty she is. I am brown skinned which I totally get it from him. He've always said that fair girls are prettier and thats why he married my mom cause dark skin girls are not attractive. Since I was a child, I look in the mirror and keeps on cursing my skin colour until I met my wonderful boyfriend who keeps on saying how beautiful I am every now and then.

Back to my father's story.. it really hurts me that whenever he needs my help, he will come and talk to me nicely and once its over, he will not talk to me anymore until the next help he wants from me. My sis made a terrible mistake lately and my father let off his fumes on me. He keeps on scolding me every single day for trivial matters and this has been affecting me emotionally pretty badly.

I wanted to leave the house but he threatened that if I ever leave, I should never ever come back. But while I am in the house helping whatever I can with the household errands, he will just ignore my existence and speaks nicely to my other siblings. He will not speak a single word to me. It hurts when he can treat everyone nicely but refuses to talk to me at all.

I've confronted him and Ive lost my mind while trying to know whats the reason behind his silence. Why does he hate me so much. Why does he only comes to me when he needed my help. I feel so used and worthless in the house. Nobody appreciates my contribution and everyone have been using me cause I am the only one earning big bucks in the house. I feel so unloved. I have a boyfriend and we're planning to get married soon but my father interfered in my love life too. He said if I dont get married by the end of the year, he will not allow my boyfriend to see me anymore. I dont understand why he is controlling my life and I dont know why I allow him to do that to me. I feel like I have no one to talk to. No one who can understand my pain. I feel so alone..

I stumbled upon this website while looking for a sign for depression cause Ive been crying alot lately for the fact that he can totally ignore me and talk so nicely to my sister who have made a grave mistake and he forgave so readily and being so unforgiving towards me who havent done any mistakes which doesnt deserve to be pardoned. I am really hurt. Why is life so unfair towards me. Ive been blessed with good job and pay but I am nothing in my own house. Worthless.

[Obayan]

Nisa, hi. It sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your mother. It sounds like there is a lot more going on here than you know. I don't know if this is you or not, but it really sounds like something may have happened in the past that he has come to associate with your presence. But whatever the reason, I would recomend moving out.

[Nisa85]

that makes sense.. i actually spoke to my mother and eventually realised that his hatred towards me has a link with his experience with his eldest brother. His brother have always treated him so badly when they were kids and he've got no one to turn to. He hates every eldest child and me being the eldest is not exception even though Ive never in my whole life bullied my younger siblings.

Ive found out the cause of his hatred. Now what do I do? I cant talk to him cause he turn deaf ears on me. He totally ignores me till he feel like talking to me.

[Obayan]

Now you know what it is. This is a problem that he is suffering from. It's not you. It never was you. He needs help.

[shakirah]

Try to talk to your father and if he still doesn't want to talk to you , ask for your mother's help because there some ideas or conversations that are more important that your family knows.

Share all your feelings about the things that you experience with him and let those memories be go to flash back with to help the ease the pain.

[St8arrow]

Hello Nisa85:

Tell your father you have had enough of his nonsense and you are moving out. Don't let him change your mind. Tell him not to ask you for your help with money or other things because you will need it to support yourself. Then do it!!! If you think that such a talk would wind up with a huge confrontation that you would rather avoid, then, make arrangements to move out and let him know after you have gone.

[St8arrow]

From Nisa85:

--- Back to my father's story.. it really hurts me that whenever he needs my help, he will come and talk to me nicely and once its over, (once he has gotten your help with money usually), he will not talk to me anymore until the next help he wants from me.

________________________________

Hello Nisa85:

This is a classic case of manipulation that has gone on for a very long time. Your father is taking advantage of your normal desire for acceptance, not to nurture you, but to meet his economic responsibilities that he cannot achieve by himself.

I am sure that your fear of being left alone is partly, or mostly responsible for the fact that you have put up with this manipulation for so long. "If I go against my father, who will walk me down the aisle if I get married?" --- Elope!!! --- He doesn't deserve the right to walk you down the aisle.

Yes I know you are worried about your dear mother. But she has not protected you from this manipulation either. It's time that you looked after yourself. Turn your hatred of your father into strength for yourself. Stand on your own two feet and tell him to do the same. The manipulation is --- OVER.