Depersonalization disorder is marked by periods of feeling disconnected or detached from one’s body and thoughts (depersonalization). The disorder is sometimes described as feeling like you are observing yourself from outside your body or like being in a dream. However, people with this disorder do not lose contact with reality; they realize that things are not as they appear. An episode of depersonalization can last anywhere from a few minutes to many years.
I have done this several times in my life. It's a protection method our mind can use to shield us from pain. I did it as a kid when i was abused. I'd go off to another world in my mind. I have large gaps in my memory. I have papers from school (homework, tests, report cards) that had the name Bili. As an adult, i have PTSD which gives me flashbacks. I can see, feel, smell everything that is happening in the flashback. The pain, the sickness, all of it. I know it's not real, but it doesn't stop it or make it easier.
I have many illness both physical and mental that are mostly a result of how i was raised.
It's taken me a long time to learn how to live with these things. And yes, I still have bad days. But I have good days too. Those are the ones I try to remember and hold onto. There are a few tools I use to help me. CBT, mediatation, yoga help me a lot. So does therapy and medication. And there is one thought I continually grasp to remind me not to give up, and that is:
Nothing in this world ever happened just once. Not the good or the bad. Everything around us is constantly in a state of change. Even if it's too miniscule for us to see right now, it will grow and in time become something big. So even though right now, in this moment, i may not be doing very well, tomarrow the sun will rise again and I wil have another chance at having a good day. The words I choose to use, and the actions I choose to take, have a consequence. I would like that consequence to be a positive force for me and for those around me.
