Bad days

[erika/r|ka]

I don’t know where to start this…probably many know me through the chat and hence know that I am not really capable of talking about me. However, I am feeling as if I am going insane lately. I don’t know what to do anymore or who to turn to. Over here I have nobody who knows about me – I have always managed to keep the real me hidden from everyone. But now I’m just feeling so overwhelmed by everything. All I have are negative thoughts about everything and I can not cope with them an more. All I can do when I am on my own it seems is cry lately and I hate it – I cry not only cos I see a sad movie which could be understandable, I cry also if I see something which should bring happiness or a smile to people….It’s not the first time this happens to me but now after various weeks of this I’m at a loss completely. I just feel as if I am going insane and that my head is going to explode. I have not been to the chat room these last couple of days because my mind tells me to cut myself from everyone when I am like this. I do not even know why I am writing this but probably I need to know that someone somewhere knows what I am feeling….If I manage to post it I know that I will be too embarrassed to talk to anyone after. I am sorry if this post comes across as somewhat desperate…it is definitely not the way I would like to come across to people. Thanks to anyone listening to my whining. Erika

[hey-its-ok]

Hi Erika, its very good that you have finally taken the step of writing this out. Don't think this is called whining or desperate. This is just an expression of your inner feelings which you are sharing with some friends, many of whom face the same difficulties as you.

I'm sorry i don't think i can give any good advice. All i can do is give you lots of *********warmth*********** and ***********hugs************, and to let you know that we are all listening to you here. I hope someone who knows a bit more about this particular condition can say something. But it does sound like you need some medication and maybe see a doctor, many people also have the same condition as you, so by seeing a doctor i think the doctor will be able to guide you in the right direction.

But please continue to post in this topic and don't feel uncomfortable, we are all here to help each other and comfort each other.

((((((((((((((((erika))))))))))))))))))))

[YBsirius]

Hi Erika, I've missed chatting with you in the chat room. I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I often feel like my emotions are so close to the surface that any little thing can set me off, like a sad song or just a neighbor being friendly and telling me good day. That's when I shut myself off from everything, won't answer the phone, stay inside all day,etc. I don't have any advice except to ride it out, find those depression fighting things that work for you. Over the years of dealing with depression I've found some things that work for me, sometimes. Hang in there.

[erika/r|ka]

Hi hey-its-ok and YB

thanks alot for taking the time to read my whining and for your kind comments and help. I appreciate it alot

*hugs*
erika

[macey]

Sorry to hear of everyones misery. Hopefully our lives will turn around for the better. We never know when and God is our only hope. Stick by him.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Keeping the faith ((((((((((((( macey )))))))))))))

[Emotional_77]

(((((erika))))) How are you doing hunny?

[macey]

Well I wish I could make everyone happy but I know I can't. I myself can't seem to get going lately and be real happy. In fact, I feel a sense of no motivation to do anything. I am trying to plan my days ahead and push myself to do these but today it did not work. I feel I need a boost. I need a job. People to make me laugh and a home filled with love. I have none of these. I lost them all. I don't drink, use drugs or am a bad person. It is just circumstance. My husband died, my son got married and moved away, my other son is in college. From 4 to 1 over the last 2 years. Then my employer of 10 years retired. I started 2 other jobs but to make a long story short they were not morally good. Since then I put in for 200 jobs, had some interviews but no job yet. It is discouraging. I do know the economy is bad. I pray my unemployment gets extended next week. All of this has put me in a stuper in addition to seeing a counselor who died after knowing him for many years. The last year I seen him do down hill. Now I am seeing someone else and having to start all over. I just can't seem to get going and have no desire to. Maybe it will take time. I sure wish I had someone to make me laugh again, be there for me and get a really good job. Where is that God of mine? I am blessed with 2 grandchildren but life is still so different now and not as exciting as the last 30 years. I hold the memories in my heart but want to get happiness back again. Any suggestions?

Macey

[erika/r|ka]

((((emotional_77, Jeanie, Macey, Hey-its-ok, YBsirius))))

I'm hangin in there emotional thanks - some days just get worse than others i guess.....but i really want to thank you and all the other people who help in here and in the channel for all the support you give to everyone.

Hello Macey and welcome here. I know what wanting to make everyone happy means, but unfortunately as you yourself said, it's impossible. I am so sorry to read what you have gone through in these last couple of years - it is a lot to cope with, especially without having a shoulder to lean on.
For me, motivation is one of the most difficult things to have, but what i do is try to force myself to do things even if i totally dont feel like. Sometimes it's going through the smallest things which is most difficult - like getting out of bed or going for a walk....so i force myself to do them and then the rest of the day kinda gets through. I really wish you luck with finding a job - in my case i find that working helps me keep my mind off things and to a certain extent keeps me going too.....and i hope that it will help you too. I dont have too many suggestions on how to be happy i'm sorry....but it's good that you hold on to the memories. Life does change alot it's true, but that does not mean that you have to be sad and lonely. It takes time to get back on track after so much suffering but dont give up. Take loads of care *hugs* erika

[Emotional_77]

glad to hear your hanging in there hun. *hugs*

[Annie Bankss]

Hye honey, Sorry you are going thro this phase. But pls dont brood over by thinking negatively. Have you ever thought looking at others in the world why u cant lead a normal and happy life like them. I am sure you wud have. The only difference is that they chose to take action and control their life.

If you visualize healing, you will be healed.
If you visualize success, you will be successful.
If you visualize freedom, you will be set free.

Unfortunately, the problem is that the seemingly simple act of controlling your thoughts is INFINITELY harder than it looks.
But Dear, It's all in the mind. Once you learn to control ur thoughts u have conquered the art of living. I am sure you will get over all these things.

[johnkiggs]

Same case happened with me .. though it was not exactly similar
But one thing ... people should remember is to have faith and have atleast some amount of confidence regarding there personal lives before doing any suicidal thing


Cheers


- John Kiggs

[alex679]

Wow today really was worse than most. I've felt just awful since I woke up. I think a big trigger for me lately has been my financial situation and how can never catch up much less get ahead. I've totally worried myself sick today. I've been nauseus all day, and have vomited 4 times just from my nerves or anxiety or whatever you wanna call it. I couldn't eat all day because of the dread feeling in the pit of my stomach. And now I should be in bed, but I'm wide awake dwelling on the events of today and dreading starting all over again tomorrow.

[Monty]

When I am stressed about something I have found that there is pretty well a natural progression of things. Starts with a headache, moves on to tight shoulders, stiff neck, sore back. I know that I am starting to get in over my head when I have trouble with my belly.

A couple of years the times were tough enough that I didn't eat at all. Ended up losing 12 pounds in one week. Don't want you to get into that situation. I would definately not suggest it as a way to lose weight. Not eating, dropping weight quickly, is too hard on you body, especially the heart.

One thing that really pisses me off is when people tell me "don't worry about it" so I will not disrespect you by repeating that to you. It is not up to anyone else to guage how things that are happening in your life affect you. I think that sometimes they just say that, to make themselves feel like they are somehow making things better.

The financial situation in the world is a really scary. The quality of your life is definately directly controlled by what money you have to spend. I know that I worry about it too.

You haven't said too much about the other aspects in your life.

I don't know if you don't have friends in your life that you feel you can share things with. Sometimes people in our lives care so much that we don't want to scare them by some of the thoughts that are going on in our heads.

I have found this place is a safe one for me to share. Hope you can get that feeling too.

It is true that sharing the load, means you don't have to carry so much on your own.

[aim]

Hi Alex and Monty-

I have to say that I feel you with financial anxiety; it's a huge trigger for me too. For a long time, I allowed someone who is no longer in my life to dig me into a hole of financial ruin! I've been away from him (thankfully) for about 18 months, and it took me until about a month ago to face the situation head on, and look for a way out.

I decided to go to a credit consolidating service, where three credit cards that were charged up rather high (for me, anyway) were put together and will now be paid off in a maxiumum of 4 years as opposed to the 25 years it would have taken.

I have to tell you, Alex, I felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off me the second I hung up the phone with the company, and learned that there is a way out for you if you get in over your head. BUT - like I said, it took me almost a year and half to face the problem head on and deal with it.

Before that, I was basically just making monthly payments, grateful that my salary was getting me through another stressful month. I did not want to think about or look at the debt. Finally? I gathered up all the strength I had, made the call, and feel better for it.

And trust me when I tell you that facing that type of issue was NOT EASY for me at all! My GAD certainly stops me from facing many things - this was a front-runner.

Good luck, Alex. If I can help you with anything, please do let me know.