Unsure what to do at this point

[Kalari]

Hi new here so feel kinda uncomfortable complaining but after this morning I just need to get things out of my system. I know that I am in a bad situation currently but I am unsure what I can do about it at this point. I am currently in an emotionally unstable environment and I know that it is negatively affecting myself and my young child. The thing is the person involved in the instability is my mother. Ive tried for many years to find a common connection to her, we are polar opposites though. She has always been the wild child had me young along with my siblings partied and drugged it up all the way. Even threw brief spouts of being clean she just can't seem to get away from her habits. I wrote in my hello post that after my marriage fell apart and I had my son that my grandmother took me in, she also took my mother in basically. This was a good point for us we lived in a very rural area where it was basically too hard to get the kind of things she used to be on when we lived in NY. She went back to school got a job and things looked up. But it didn't last. Once my grandmother got sick instead of being strong she found ways for her habit to take hold.

we ended up having to move the first of 2 more. Grandma passed last January and I knew it would be rough but did not expect it to get as bad as it has. She blew threw the insurance money found we could not afford with what I bring in a month to live where we were so despite all that was against us I found a place that we could afford if we budgeted right. I thought it would be enough no more having to worry about late rent payments or stuff getting cut off but boy was I wrong. Not only did she complain about how bored she was (something I just don't get) she found ways to feed her habit again. My sister passed in August and it was a shock and terrible time for us she was only 30 years old not even a full month of being so. I knew it was going to affect my mom badly she couldnt cope with a fine life but I did not expect things to keep going so far south. She has pawned nearly everything she can that we owned save this computer which if she could she would but trust me im not allowing her to take any more things out this house. Shes screaming she wants to die and having melt downs every other moment. With my own mental health issues its put a strain on me that I am becoming scared of. I spent years combating darker thoughts being accepted was something I gave up long ago being the odd daughter. I loved books gaming and nerdy things drugs and the like never held any interest to me and it made me the dependable one but not the loved one. When I was attacked at a young age in Ny I couldn't even go to her and talk with her about it because she was too high. When I was put in the mental hospital over 3 times I couldnt call her to ask for help. Now with the only person I ever looked up to gone its all on my shoulders to hold things together and im trying but hearing every day how miserable she is how having a roof over her head and bills paid is worst then bouncing from house to house as long as she can get high is too much to bare.

My best friend says put her out, if she wasn't my mom it would be easier to but for some damned reason I feel like I can't be that kind of person even though she clearly acts like she doesnt want to live a quiet life. I have even thought about just taking my son and moving away to I just dont know at this point. But after this morning of listening to her act like her life is so awful how she needs things but wont get out and get a job to make it happen has me so down its not even funny.

I like to thank the people who put this forum together I am not expecting any miracles to happen or answers that will make everything better but having this place to vent is a godsend.

[Obayan]

After my husband died, his sister moved in with me. It was not easy to watch as she threw her life away. I talked with my family and we had an intervention. We all sat down and talked to her. At the end of the talks, she was dropped off at a local shelter. It was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. Now, she is clean and sober. Has a job. Has her own place to live and has even started a healthy and happy relationship with a partner. It was hard to do what was necessary, but it was the best thing that could have happened. If I had of allowed it to continue the way it was, i honestly don't think she'd be alive today. I would not have been able to keep my home.

I know it's not easy to do what is needed. I know it's not easy to do the right thing. But to be honest, this isn't about your mother or even about you anymore. You have a child. You have to do what is right for your child first and foremost. By allowing this to continue, you are teaching your child that this is acceptable behavior and an acceptable way to live. Actions speak so much louder than mere words. Especially to a child. You are allowing this type lifestyle to be a part of your child's life.

I know this isn't easy to hear. But changes have to be made. You are the one in control. You make the decisions. You decide what kind of lifestyle you are willing to live and expose your child to. I know it's hard and I know it's painfull. But there are some choices you are going to have to make. And they won't be easy. Once you've made the choices, you will have to take action to accomplish what you have decided on. You and your child will have to live with the consequences of those choices so only you can decide what is acceptable and what isn't.

I do hope you are able to find some help and achieve what it is you want for a better life.

[Kalari]

Thank you Obayan I have been talking with other relatives and they have said the same thing. It is going to be painful but it has to be done. I do not want my son thinking drugs are okay, I got lucky my younger sister and I were so put off by my mother's actions when we were kids and things we got into not having our parents around that we swore off the stuff. The middle one who acts just like her stole from us bad one time so shes pretty much cut out of our lives. I didn't think I would want to do that to my mom but its pretty obvious now that her getting high is more important then everyone around her. And as you wrote its not about my feelings anymore I don't want the cycle of drug abuse passing onto my child if I can prevent it.

Thanks again for your words sometimes ya just have to hear it from another not to feel bad for feeling this way.

[Obayan]

((( kalari ))) big hugs being sent your way. I know it's a hard thing you will have to do. but we are here for you.