Can't control my emotions

[paulapjseven]

I am having a rough time tonight and I just don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to. I am crying constantly. I just went to my doctor today and he prescribed a second antidepressant which I know will take a couple of days to work. I joined this forum a couple of Sundays ago when I wrote my story.
I have only 1 friend I can talk to and he has a family of his own to take care of and I hate to be a burden. He has been so nice to me and helpful when we write back and forth, but tonight he is not available. I just really feel awful tearful and so, so emotional. I am scared and afraid and feel so alone.

[DylanS]

Hi Paula,

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time of it. Emotions can be like a wild horse, so I relate to your feelings. I admire your honesty - saying exactly what's on your mind.

Unfortunately, our culture does not offer good training/teaching on how to process our emotions. Our parents do the best they can, but they are only as proficient as their parents, and their parent's skills were only so proficient as their parents, and so on and so on.

There are methods that help to work with emotions so they don't overwhelm without needing to numb out. CBT is helpful for many.

I don't know of any other way than to just learn skills to deal with emotions. Emotions don't go away because they are, evolutionarily, designed to be there. The only way is to learn to work with them in a way that we weren't taught.

HTH - DylanS.

[paulapjseven]

Thanks Dylan.....I used to be able to control my emotions, but since my depression has gotten considerably worse, they just seem to have taken over my life. I was taken off antidepressants altogether at one point, because they all were bothering me. I finally told my dr. that I needed to take something until I get in to see another psychiatrist. So he put me on Paxil and Abilify. So far, I feel more depressed than ever, crying over everything and I can't stop myself. Even when I keep myself busy to distract my thoughts, the crying spells continue.

[DylanS]

I read a book once where the author equated emotions to a big beach ball. Her theory was that most of us are taught to sort of hold the beach ball under water, which is exhausting. Given normal life circumstances, though, we manage. We get by, get through.

However when the weather gets rough and the waves get higher, we don't have all of our strength and ability free to deal with it because much of our effort is being used to hold that beach ball down.

Her idea was that we let the beach ball go, let it shoot out of the water and then learn a new way: swim along using all of our limbs and faculties, but also just loosely keeping the ball in the same vicinity.

Of course, when first the ball is released it's messy as hell. My counselor has been talking to me lately about "legalising" emotions. Just letting them be. I don't know what your counselor would say about it but I wonder if it would be a bad thing to let yourself cry and be sad. Maybe there is some deep grief that needs to be processed and honoured?

Just some thoughts....

-Dyla

[paulapjseven]

Dylan,
Ya know, that makes sense, it really does. When I try and hide my depression from others, the inner grief builds up and if I have to hide my emotions from my family, which I often do, I can feel the pressure building. Once I am alone and can finally let it go, it comes out ten fold.
It's no wonder that if I am with my family for a few days in a row, by the time I find myself alone, I have an overwhelming urge to cry and it just comes flooding out for hours.
Yes, you are right, I do have some deep grief that I have told no one about, not even my therapist, and I know if I talked about it, I probably would feel a little bit better. Thanks for writing Dylan.

Paulapjseven