Was in the Hospital

[crystalgaze]

Well.... Um.... I had 2 seizures a few days ago, one in the car when my boyfriend was driving & another in the hospital. I haven't had any of those in 7 long years.

The doctor I saw today--& what would I do without him--said that I'll probably have to be on it for the rest of my life. I was given a low dose of a different medicine (generic for Dilantin).

Now, here's the rub: After all those tests, nothing--& I repeat absolutely nothing--was found to be wrong with me. That's a good thing I guess, but there is no explanation for the seizures.

The doctor was baffled & a cute, short, cuddly knowledgeable Korean doctor who treated me in the ER. (Really, he was cute & I wanted to laugh when he said, "All the tests came back normal!! You're not pregnant. You're this. You're not that. You're not, you're not, you're not." I guess we can call it a medical miracle.) I had a [Caucasian] male nurse too... (You don't see too many of those here. He was awesome, really sweet. )

Speaking of miracles, I am lucky (blessed?) that I was not driving. I was cursing out my boyfriend just before I had the seizure. As far as I recall, I did not use bad words, but he was pretty peeved. (I really just wanted to go home & lie down in bed....)

I think he forgave me, though, because just before I had blacked out, I told him that I wasn't feeling too good & I thought that I was about to have a seizure.

How I knew, I'll never know! It was pretty ugly. Apparently I was foaming at the mouth, biting the crap out of my tongue + cheek & fighting everyone BUT DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT.

My boyfriend said it took all of his strength to hold me down, so I didn't hurt myself (because I would have). When he got to the hospital, he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder & walked in there..... He also said my heart stopped, the machine I was hooked up to flat-lined.... that the people in the ER used those shocking device pads on me.

I can't believe it.... really I can't.... It's too incredulous! (Especially when nothing seems to be wrong with me)

My doctor said that officially, I can't work at this time. He says I should go to Mayo Clinic or some place like that. I am applying for disability, medical assistance, etc. I even tried to apply for a job, but I was told I had to get a medical evaluation 1st, which has blown all my hopes right out the water.

Perhaps, I might try still to do something (for myself).... I don't know. I mean, I need to maintain my human dignity already..... AND PAY WHATEVER BILLS WILL BE COMING.....

I have been crying for what looks like no reason. My head kills me every now & then. I do feel out of breath every now & then, but I am going back to the doctor in 1 week & will deal with it later.

Also of note..... I tried to strangle my boyfriend in his sleep. He said I kicked him very hard, too. I have no recollection of doing any of it. I do remember waking up in the middle of the night & outstretching my hand to curl up with him. My hand was close to his neck...... After that, everything is black....

My parents are away right now & he stays with me to make sure I am okay. I was watching the house for them

I tend to sweat like mad more often, but that seems to be a result of my heart racing, etc.

Well, this is the newest chapter in my life..... Let's hope everything cools out for another long while.

Whatever is wrong with me, it makes me crazy..... It's been a long 6 months or more or so of craziness/ split personality & acting unlike myself. At least now I can say there might have been a reason....

[hollyann]

Hugs Crystal sounds so scary. I do hope it gets figured out and glad you are okay for now. Do go for the disability and keep us posted on how you are doing.

hollyann

[Ahorse]

Hi Crystal,

All my sympathy for your experiences.

It is so frustrating to have a serious medical problem but find that doctors cannot identify it. Their problem really, not yours but it doesn't help you in the slightest does it?

I used to think docs were all knowing etc, when younger of course. But the truth is they really don't know very much, particularly when our heads/brains are involved. All they really do is eliminate things as your experience shows.

They couldn't find anything that met the criteria they have for all the illnesses they have recorded. Destroying your disability chances as they can't say what "it" is can they?

Can I ask if you suffer depression and any other illnesses too? I assume you have depression as you are here but I don't want to guess.

I had a similar experience in regard to a leg pain problem. Much less hurtful than what you went through but still, totally frustrating as I have this pain in my left leg and much lighter in my right leg but doctors cannot say what it is. All they do is prescribe pain meds. Which help but like I told those docs. That's not what I want. I want to know what the problem is and how to have it treated.

They just say they can't diagnose it and expect me to go away happy with the meds. I don't have a choice in it really so I take the meds and have given up on docs except my shrink. He's excellent. The rest? Haven't found any good ones yet.

Your illness or whatever you want to call it sounds absolutely terrifying. For your boyfriend too. He must be a good guy to still be there for you and I hope he sticks it out until hopefully you find some answers.

The reason I asked about depression and any other illnesses is simply to consider meds and their interactions. Perhaps there's something in that causing a clash and blowing you out of the water. No idea really, just trying to think of what to check, and at least eliminate.

You say at the beginning of your post you haven't had these seizures for 7 years. What was done back then and how long has it been happening? How far back does it go? How was it stopped 7 years ago? Do you know what started it?

It interests me that you say your doc prescribes something for you when they don't know what's wrong. That doesn't add up to me. You also say you may be on it for the rest of your life. You didn't say on what though?

All my best for some answers and relief for you at the earliest.

[crystalgaze]

Hello everyone! It's been a while. From since the original thread, here's what has happened.

I went to get help with work, since I could very well pass out on the job. The EEG I took recently was said to be abnormal, but I have my misgivings about the doctor's ability to determine anything. Out of 3 tests I took, that was the only one that was said to be "abnormal".

So far, I'm fine. I do my best to take my anti-seizure meds. I do have not so good days. The 1 thing that was really of note was that I took some liquid probiotics & I felt REALLY GOOD for a moment, like I was the self that's been long lost for all these years. The things of note were that I didn't want to be on the couch, I had energy, motivation was there, & I was actually getting things done.

I started my new class about a week or so ago; it's pretty interesting.



About the help with work:

Well, it took a whole month (August) to gather the requested materials, so I could see whether I would be eligible for assistance from the agency. Let's just say that I do not feel it was worth it. Having to wait that long & go through the crapola was a total motivation killer.

First, after I submitted all my personal information, I did not know where I stood. Thus, I waited to get something in writing before doing anything. I was found to be eligible & now I have people butting into my life. They are offering opinions, with which I do not agree.

It was suggested that I "network" with others to get a job because most times people get a position, based on who they know. My reply was that that was what was so wrong with our government (my homeland)--that people get jobs, even though they neither have credentials nor experience ETC. to prepare themselves for the job's responsibilities. When I pretty said that I didn't believe in it, she countered by saying "proper networking".

[& what, pray tell, is that?! I have already gone through being sabotaged by people I "networked" with in the past. Why would I want to do that again? It's a crabs-in-a-barrel situation, for Pete's sake. For the record, when I "networked" with various people, most of them wanted sex as the reward--from professors to people my age to directors to commissioners to whatever. To anyone who might wonder: No, I was not in any major predicament because I cut loose the situation before it could become harmful. I have been there & done that "networking" crap.Also, I'm not judging anyone who decided to go into such a situation.

It's just that it burned me mostly because that 's not where my head was & that people were trying to impose their will on me, the whole 9 yards.]

In addition, a well respected man in the community recently came out & said that he believed that networking was not a good idea for women (especially young women)--that they would most likely end up having to lift their skirts/dresses/etc. His statement blew everyone away who heard it because he continued by saying that the sad part of it all was that "[some of] those young women won't be lifting their dresses in a room, hotel or otherwise, but on a desk". I'm not particularly religious, but that was an "Amen" moment for me & a man said it, too.


As you can see, I am a bit at odds with the folks trying to counsel me. it bugs me out BECAUSE IT IS MY LIFE that other people are trying to tell me what to do. I feel that the agency cannot really help me, as I am a college graduate.

[Obayan]

Hey hon. Not sure what to say about the networking experience. Just that it isn't always like that. I hope you find what you are looking for soon hon. Here's my best wishes going out to you.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Like (((( Obayan )))) I'm sorry that you've had such difficult and unpleasant experiences, as far as " networking " is concerned, (((( crystalgaze )))). I once read a book about someone's experience of unemployment in which he said that finding a job was like being a single drop of water trying to find a way past a dam and out of the reservoir. ( When most of the possible ways out of the reservoir seemed to just end up leading BACK into the reservoir! )
Still, as (((( Obayan )))) again said, ( " Smart cookie " that (((( Obayan )))), huh? ), while " networking " is something that I would approach with caution, I do believe that it is possible for people to work together, help each other, share experiences in a positive way and generally help each other find their way to better times.
I hope that you'll find what you're looking for, and have better experiences of finding help in the future. As, Robert McCall once said: " Around every corner there IS someone who cares ". And who am I to argue with the Equalizer?