My Shame (triggering Material)

[hollyann]

Sad. Marks a year since Bruce has been gone. Still adrift. Still guilty for the times i have good moments. Still wish it would have been me. And still blame myself.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Holly )))))))))))))))))))

Would Bruce want you to feel guilty of the time you had with him? Or the moments since his passing that you managed a smile in remembering?

He was with the one he loved, the one he wanted to be with, he wasn't alone, he was happy, you made that possible for him, remember that.

You have made it through all the 'first', as hard as that was. You are making changes in your life. Things go on, and we always have questions, all those why things, only human.

Never feel guilty for your feelings, you loved him completely and he did you. When you give your heart to someone, you can't just walk away from it, you don't give it up, you don't let anyone or anything come between it. That stays in your thoughts.

((((((((((((((((( Holly ))))))))))))))))))))))) you know I care, here for you.

Warmie

[shatteredhopes]

Agree so strongly with (((((((warmie))))))))).

I heard Marie Osmond saying of her son's death, "It doesn't heal, but God gives you respites." You couldn't be a good mother to your son if you didn't have those respites, those moments where you do smile or manage to laugh. These are gifts to help you through the grief of a tragic loss. If the situation were reversed, I know you would want Bruce to have them too. As much as he loved you, even calling himself "PeepluvsHolly" you know he would want you to have these gifts.

Your time together too was a gift. That to me is one of the hardest lessons in an unfair world, people we love come in but sometimes go from our lives. No guarantees and things aren't always just. While its okay to feel a range of emotions, and no one can tell you how to feel, I hate to see you beat yourself up even more than you are already hurting.

Be kind to yourself. If not for you, for your son and to honor Bruce's memory, and for all of us here who care about you, admire you, and appreciate you for the wonderful human being you are.

Safe gentle hugs. Wishing you a little light and peace in your day.

[hollyann]

(((((((warmie)))))))) (((((((Hopes))))) kind of short for words now so I will just say thanks.

[Obayan]

((( holly ))) It does get easier hon. It never goes away, but it will get easier. I didn't want to believe it when I first came here either. Didn't think it would ever let me breathe long enough to live again. But it does.