Trying to be hopeful

[Rosalind]

I went looking for this site in hopes that I would be able to find someone that understood. Other people try to help, but I really feel like depression isn't something you can really understand unless you've been there. The other day one of my friends made a side comment about depression, there was a commercial for some medication on tv... he said that it was stupid to take something with so many side effects, "why would you risk dying just because you were sad?" I hate hearing things like that. When you're at the bottom, like I feel I am right now, you would do anything. It's not about just "being sad"... I feel like I have no will to live. I've had a break from school and all I've done is sleep. That's all I want to do.
I've been sick for three years now.. and it doesn't seem like it's ever going to get better... I've tried five medications, therapy, nothing seems to work for long. I'm making myself physically ill now.. and I don't have any energy to do anything about it. I don't know how I'm supposed to be proactive about getting better if I can barely get out of bed.
I'm scared I'm ruining my life... that I'm not going to be able to finish school, that I'm going to keep driving people away until I'm alone forever, or that I'm going to kill myself.
I have this really great boyfriend, and I think I messed everything up. He can't handle me being sick, I've been awful to him.. and I don't think he's going to give me another chance.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just want someone to understand how it feels.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hello Rosalind,

Welcome to our site. One thing for sure the members here do understand your feelings, depression and that empty feeling. Please know we do care.

Perhaps see your doctor again, try something different? It has taken a long time for many to find the right meds, but it can be done. It helps to get that 'normal' back into your life.

There is a chat room connected with this forum, perhaps go in and chat with others. Great chatters, great support there as well.

Warmsoul

[mtywilli]

Your story touches so many of us in that I have been in that boat where I feel that I have been depressed for so long I don't know normal and being a part of a group. I stay in my single world so know your not alone and we are all small pieces in the world but the picture would be different and lacking with you not in it. I know that sounds trite but I feel it, that somehow this world needs us with our depression trying to overcome the challenge we have been given. I have to believe this depression is some challenge we are all made to overcome. Stay tough and keep looking for an answer. Good luck with peresevering through it all

[fern]

Mee too. Everyone at outside there dont understand what I fell. They dont know why I am crying. I cant control myself from non-stop crying every night.

[mtywilli]

isn't it odd how when certain medicines list the POSSIBLE side effects some people assume you will get them and I know when I am depressed I assume the side effects won't be issue, I so desperately want a cure I will do anything and I find the same thing when I am suicidal I don't think of the people i would affect only the pain I am in