(((( Crystal ))))
Thank you for taking the the time to give me encouraging words and kind thoughts. I will try to change my thinking as suggested and yes it is and will be hard. I am calmer today about what happened, I can accept it was an accident, not mine or my baby's fault. Feeling a sense of loss (again) I have lost a friend but it is her choice to blame me and want us to stay away from her and her family and I will respect her wish.
I am calling my Health Visitor today in hope that she will be able to visit me at home regularly (as it is part or their job) to offer support within my home and advice/tips with my child. My therapist suggested I do that.
I woke up today with a thought in my head, focus on me and my health and my child and forget everything else. If I can do it then I may have some steam left...
Enigma
The makings of me... (triggering)
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crystalgaze
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You're welcome! & yes! You are off to a good start already!
(((((( enigma ))))))))))
I think it's a good call on your part to ask for the Health Visitor. If it doesn't work out, see if you can try a different Health Visitor!
That's a great goal (trying to focus on yourself, health & your child). Taking that "you" time should help replenish your strength--even if it's just a little.
Do what you can & pat yourself on the back each time for trying. Start telling yourself good/positive things.
When you feel yourself slipping, maybe you can do things like hug/cuddle your baby & hug your significant other. If you don't feel too strong at times, don't be hard/too hard on yourself. Be gentle with yourself; as you already know, other people have been mean (so you don't have to do it to yourself, too).
Do as you have been doing, which is posting here or going into the chat room, if you do. Those little things may help you cope better.
Other things may help, too, but a little at a time, okay? You can do it!
Take care,
Your friend,
(((((( enigma ))))))))))
I think it's a good call on your part to ask for the Health Visitor. If it doesn't work out, see if you can try a different Health Visitor!
That's a great goal (trying to focus on yourself, health & your child). Taking that "you" time should help replenish your strength--even if it's just a little.
Do what you can & pat yourself on the back each time for trying. Start telling yourself good/positive things.
When you feel yourself slipping, maybe you can do things like hug/cuddle your baby & hug your significant other. If you don't feel too strong at times, don't be hard/too hard on yourself. Be gentle with yourself; as you already know, other people have been mean (so you don't have to do it to yourself, too).
Do as you have been doing, which is posting here or going into the chat room, if you do. Those little things may help you cope better.
Other things may help, too, but a little at a time, okay? You can do it!
Take care,
Your friend,
((( Crystal )))
Thank you for all your gentle encouragement. It's a big goal and my mood really isn't at it's best but all I can do is try. Health Visitor will be here on Monday (she is nice, I met her a few times and spoke with her before) and my therapist has spoken with my doctor today who I will see tomorrow.
Whenever I do good things I always see it as not being good enough. My low confidence as a parent has taken a huge blow and I cannot stop having thoughts of what happened to that child. I'm scared now she will make me out to sound like a bad person with a bad child and I am worried about being out alone, they know many people where I live. I am worrying about so many things and I just want it to stop but no matter what I do they are there.
I have many mountains to climb and a lot to overcome and sometimes I think it's impossible but I guess taking it slow is a good enough start. I will continue to post here for now but often feel like just disappearing off the face of the earth. Seems most people I meet turn out to dislike me in the end, I try to be a good person but I think it's best I do that alone, without anyone who can get too close that I will end up hurting indirectly as is the norm...
Enigma
Thank you for all your gentle encouragement. It's a big goal and my mood really isn't at it's best but all I can do is try. Health Visitor will be here on Monday (she is nice, I met her a few times and spoke with her before) and my therapist has spoken with my doctor today who I will see tomorrow.
Whenever I do good things I always see it as not being good enough. My low confidence as a parent has taken a huge blow and I cannot stop having thoughts of what happened to that child. I'm scared now she will make me out to sound like a bad person with a bad child and I am worried about being out alone, they know many people where I live. I am worrying about so many things and I just want it to stop but no matter what I do they are there.
I have many mountains to climb and a lot to overcome and sometimes I think it's impossible but I guess taking it slow is a good enough start. I will continue to post here for now but often feel like just disappearing off the face of the earth. Seems most people I meet turn out to dislike me in the end, I try to be a good person but I think it's best I do that alone, without anyone who can get too close that I will end up hurting indirectly as is the norm...
Enigma
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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I am referring to my general experience with people (usually outside of the net). You know I have much love for you, don't doubt it or forget that.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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(((( Warmie ))))
How are you keeping? I have taken sleep tablets the last two nights just to make the thoughts stop and the sleep to come. What a rubbish existence I seem to have right now. I can't take them more than 3 nights without a good break or I risk becoming addicted to them. Ugh.
Ah I am tired of hearing myself. I guess I will just try to chug on even though I don't want to.
Take of you
Nigma
How are you keeping? I have taken sleep tablets the last two nights just to make the thoughts stop and the sleep to come. What a rubbish existence I seem to have right now. I can't take them more than 3 nights without a good break or I risk becoming addicted to them. Ugh.
Ah I am tired of hearing myself. I guess I will just try to chug on even though I don't want to.
Take of you
Nigma
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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((((((((( enigma )))))))))))
I am making it, 'keeping'. Seeing things as they are and making decisions.
Sorry your meds are as they are. Have you asked the doctor for something you can take on a nightly time frame?
You are missed by many in the chat room, perhaps give it a try, again, as a chatter, talk to those that you have made friends with, get some support. A thought.
Do take care of yourself.
Warmie
I am making it, 'keeping'. Seeing things as they are and making decisions.
Sorry your meds are as they are. Have you asked the doctor for something you can take on a nightly time frame?
You are missed by many in the chat room, perhaps give it a try, again, as a chatter, talk to those that you have made friends with, get some support. A thought.
Do take care of yourself.
Warmie
(((( Warmie ))))
Keep making it won't you, you are loved by many here. Oh my current anti-depressant is supposed to make me sleep but they don't hence the sleeping tablets that I can't take very often were introduced.
My appointment with the doctor was long but she was very very nice. No medication changes but a phone call and an appointment with the mental health team next week will decide if I will be put on anti-psychotics in addition to my anti-depressants... soon I will rattle.
I all this running around and being passed to and fro is frustrating. Hmm the room, I have thought about it but various things make me unsure of what I should do. I am missed? That's a comforting thought, so often I feel so useless and unwanted (it's all part of the enigma of nigma if you like) When things settle down some I will think on it more. Time will tell.
Warm thoughts for a warmsoul and love sent your way.
Enigma
Keep making it won't you, you are loved by many here. Oh my current anti-depressant is supposed to make me sleep but they don't hence the sleeping tablets that I can't take very often were introduced.
My appointment with the doctor was long but she was very very nice. No medication changes but a phone call and an appointment with the mental health team next week will decide if I will be put on anti-psychotics in addition to my anti-depressants... soon I will rattle.
I all this running around and being passed to and fro is frustrating. Hmm the room, I have thought about it but various things make me unsure of what I should do. I am missed? That's a comforting thought, so often I feel so useless and unwanted (it's all part of the enigma of nigma if you like) When things settle down some I will think on it more. Time will tell.
Warm thoughts for a warmsoul and love sent your way.
Enigma
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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- Contact:
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Hello Enigma! Just a hello to you.... 
Happy Thanksgiving!! Continue to take care!
You are good enough.... Start telling yourself that! Pat yourself on the back when you do good. If it doesn't work out, still pat yourself on the back for trying. "It didn't work out, but I will beat it!"
(((((((((((( enigma ))))))))))))))) just a friendly hug
Happy Thanksgiving!! Continue to take care!
You are good enough.... Start telling yourself that! Pat yourself on the back when you do good. If it doesn't work out, still pat yourself on the back for trying. "It didn't work out, but I will beat it!"
(((((((((((( enigma ))))))))))))))) just a friendly hug
((( Warmie, Crystal )))
Things are getting worse with this girl concerning her child. She is now making threats that this isn't going to go away and that she will contact authorities regarding the situation and has sent me messages cursing me. I'm scared for our safety and of what she may do to seek her revenge... I have not been rude to her or made any nasty comments and am now ignoring her contact. I just asked she leave me alone and that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened but she is convinced that Mya hurt him on purpose. I am so hurt, angry and afraid. She has blown this right out of proportion.
Thanks for the encouraging words but right now I can see good light, nothing good will come out of this and I fear if she ever crosses me in the street she will attack me/us in what form I can only guess.
Enigma
Things are getting worse with this girl concerning her child. She is now making threats that this isn't going to go away and that she will contact authorities regarding the situation and has sent me messages cursing me. I'm scared for our safety and of what she may do to seek her revenge... I have not been rude to her or made any nasty comments and am now ignoring her contact. I just asked she leave me alone and that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened but she is convinced that Mya hurt him on purpose. I am so hurt, angry and afraid. She has blown this right out of proportion.
Thanks for the encouraging words but right now I can see good light, nothing good will come out of this and I fear if she ever crosses me in the street she will attack me/us in what form I can only guess.
Enigma
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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crystalgaze
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- Location: USA
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