Shut my head up please -- Triggering

[koalaburger]

After many years of therapy and AA I have moved my PTSD to a stage where my previously subconcious self abuse is now at the conscious level. The downside is, it is driving me mad. Sadly I copped verbal and emotional abuse to the max from my father, mother and 6 aunts and uncles who moved in as teenagers when I was 2. Imagine the worst abusive belittling things you could say to yourself and multiply it by 10. I try using mindfullness and getting in touch with the feelings and thoughts. I then challenge with cognitive therapy. It is slow and frustrating. My therapist gave me a technique where I imagine a room in my mind which is totally soundproof and I put myself in there to get a rest. It doesn't work very well. Short of drillling a hole in my head and letting the rubbish fall out has anyone got any other ideas. I do have some things to distract myself like computer games and cable TV, but it only works for so long.

Cheers Glenn

[Crista5387]

Hey Koala, I'm sorry about what your dealing with and have dealt with. I come from a background with some similar abuse issues. For me I get images with the people who said things to me. So my self preservation technique is to blow up the image in my mind that is making the comments. Its kind of like the room thing, except instead of removing myself from the situation I remove them. I don't know if it will help at all, but I hope it does .

[Obayan]

Hi. I come from a very similar background as well. My copeing is to create a wall. Here's how I do it.....

Always start with a blank wall.
Now add color. Texture. Do this slowly and really think about what color and texture you want your wall to be.
My wall has a shelf. On this shelf, I put a cat. A cat curled up and sleeping on top of the shelf.
Next, I have a window.
I put curtains on the window that are solid and thick and dark. To keep out the light.
Then i open the window and look outside.
Outside my window, I see grass and trees.
Sometimes there are animals, sometimes not.
The sky is always dark because it's night.
The stars will line up like stairs as i watch. Slowly, each star comes into place and forms a sturdy set of stairs.
I climb the stairs of stars and it's bright from the light of the stars.
And i can hear music playing but i can't tell what the song is.
At the top of the stairs is a planet.
This is my world.
It can be however i want it to be on my world.
Look however i want it to look.
feel however i want it to feel.
If i choose, i can add other people who give encouragement and say nice things to me.
If i choose, i can be alone and have house after house of books i can read and explore.
It's my world. I am in control. I make the decisions.
It's where I go to escape when things get to be too much for me.

Well, that's my way of copeing. I hope it helps you.

[Tom]

I dont have the answer. I can relate though. 53 yrs AA on n orr since 1975 sober 2 yrs now and life sucks worse than ever.

[Obayan]

Getting into AA and getting sober was a very good thing to do. It's a great start. Have you seen a counselor? Do you take meds? What else are you doing to help yourself out of this?

[koalaburger]

Hey Tom,

I have needed to throw everything but the kitchen sink at my recovery. I have been in therapy most of my 26years. I have read many cognitive recovery books. I read a daily reading book for recovery from sexual abuse. I have some close friends in AA who I can talk anything out with and they with me. I walk and I have an interest in History and I play poker as a social outlet. I am still in some discomfort but it has definately lessened each year. Prayer and meditation help as well. Hang in there mate.

Glenn