Hum.... (Family Stuff) Trigger?

[crystalgaze]

Well, I spoke to my Dad about it. (It bothered me that much.) I am hoping it's the last time I have to say anything on that matter. He understood what I was saying. (Maybe I said it better.)

Convo ended on a good note. I can now move past it!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( crystalgaze )))))))))))))))))

Glad it worked out, with the talk. I am sure you said it all in the perfect manner, loaded with love.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Maybe this has just been my week, but I talked to my Mom a little today gently.

I finally was able to put into words and figure out what it is she does that makes us fight.

Here is an example.... This morning I went downstairs. As soon as I walked into the living room, she started, "Oh, I need you to help me with this blah blah blah, & oh, I also need ____________." & then she'll be like, "Oh, but I'm saying this just as you got down here...." (which is the ultimate )



Oh... my poor mother & poor me.... I am going to venture to say that she did the best she could!

So.... I was a good sport & didn't react negatively to it. The problem is that once I get a few things that she asks done, she will request more stuff, so I'll never catch a break!!

& then, she will not have any regard for what I may have been doing or wanted to have done or the fact that I might've just been stopping in for a moment.

First, I just said, "Mom, you have to tell me things one at a time!" ONE at a time." & then after she got comfortable & sat down to eat, I said: "Now Mom, you can't bombard me just as I come down here. Or you will run me away."

There was a bit of silence.... & she probably looked like she was about to be hurt, but then she said quietly.... "Well, I don't want to run you away...."

Problem solved (hopefully)!!! I think I was finally able to voice it in a way that doesn't cause a problem.....

Oh, what a relief! (I'm sorry it took me this long to pinpoint exactly what was grating my nerves.)

Ah, the woes of self-centeredness/oblivion (unintentional?) & communication....

She had already run me away, to be honest. As much as we lived in the same place, she really didn't see me often & that was because I could never be anywhere she was & have peace (not be bombarded with something)--whether it's "Oh, grab that for me." or "I need you to do this for me." & the orders/requests were neverending.

I also tended to try to avoid being any place where my 2 parents were at the same time or being around when the other called because then they would start fussing or bickering or whatever, which I just didn't want to be a party to or have to mediate.....

Even when I stayed upstairs, she would come up & start bombarding me, which: Sometimes I ignored; other times, I went down the road & got out of there as fast as I could; one time, I surely went to sleep; I had even started exercising in the morning, so she couldn't really catch me çause I'd be gone out of the house & not come back until I knew she had left for work already.



Lots of different things I did.... I switched where I sleep because she would make lots of noise in the morning, turning on the light or talking out loud and once I'm up, BOMBARDMENT. If I didn't go running to do whatever it is she wanted & right away at that or I didn't do it all, there was usually an odd air between us so thick you could cut it with a knife.... with my Dad being stuck in between & he really wants to say to us, "Y'all kiss & make up now." but not really know how to do so.

I probably have a few gray hairs from this one.

However, this all goes to show that with a little creativity/imagination/whatever, you can solve some things that are bothering you.

I may very well come out with some sanity, if I can keep this up somehow.

(Of course, I still run. Actually right now, I'm upstairs, so I don't get bombarded!)

[crystalgaze]

Well.... As much as I had hoped not to talk that one issue with my Dad again, we did end up revisiting it. I was able to give a more in-depth explanation from my soul, which I think he understood. (He at least listened me out on it.)

For one, what bothered me with him paying rent for my brother for he and his gal to "shack up" was that he was undeserving.

Two (& this is really the biggest issue) is that my Dad COMPROMISED HIS PRINCIPLES in the process, which has invoked my wrath--only to be insulted by both individuals and for them to be proper ingrates. Sweet! Just sweet! (~sarcasm~)

In case anyone is wondering why it should bother me in the first place is that my brother & the person who benefited took away from me, my mother & my father (all of us) & it really shouldn't have been so. Like I said before, furthermore it was something that I could not have paraded in front of my Dad's face, like my brother did--not that I ever wanted to. (I would not have heard the end of it. Oh, let me tell you!)

Third, which one of my boyfriends parents or relatives paid rent while I "shacked up" with their son or nephew? What stranger so kindly & graciously helped to keep a roof over my head? NONE! So why in the world was my father paying for a stranger to benefit?!

I'm telling you: We rock-and-rolled today. I was totally floored about that whole set of BS. Can you imagine?!

Of course, I am done with it because it does not profit me anything to hang onto this mess, & IT TRULY WAS MESS.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( Crystal ))))))))))))))))

You spoke your mind and heart, all you could do. Proud of you.

Warmie

[Monty]

Crystal,

If you have ever read any of the posts I have put up, you will know that I also have a big problem with my mother.

I went back home, as an adult with grown children of my own, to live with my mother.

That was four years ago.

At first it was not too bad. Then her health declined and now I am her primary caregiver.

She expects me to do whatever she wants, this instant. Can't put it off, must be done right away.

Really pisses me off that she is miserable to me during the day, then when she gets on to the phone with my brother, or sister, she goes on and on how wonderful her day was. Then the minute she gets off the phone she is back, ragging on my.

Can be so intensely frustrating.

Sometimes like I have a target on my back.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Monty and Crystal )))))))))))))

I know taking care of some ill or a parent can be and IS stressful. Just remember you won't always have them, do what you are capable of and let them know you do love them.

Warmie

[Monty]

I know that I get annoyed with mom sometimes.

Also good to be reminded that she won't be around forever. I am now taking a different tack.

When she really gets on my nerves I step back, take a few deep breaths and then tell her how much I love her.

Also when she comes home from being out I tell her how happy I am that she is home.

Arguing with her is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Other approach seems to be working much better.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Monty ))))))))))))))

Have you ever wondered how many times she did the same things you are doing, but roles were different? LOL, I did and I couldn't find enough, "Mom, I am sorry" to say to her.

She was a tiny little woman, but mess with her children and she became a tiger. Miss her.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

I was really triggered the other day about something that happened with my Mom. I was up for virtually the whole night & just couldn't come down from there.

She is going to be around for a long time because with her behavior, she will certainly kill my father & I--the 2 jack********. It doesn't matter.

I can't tell her I love her because she is the embodiment of almost all that I loathe. I would probably sin myself if I said it. Yesterday, I didn't go downstairs at all--not even for food. It doesn't matter to me that I starved the whole day. (I wasn't hungry any way.)

& this last bout of crapola started because I tried to improve relations (in a non-overbearing manner). I'm really sick of people abusing me.

If I must be cold to achieve sanity, then perhaps it is doing.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((( crystalgaze )))))))))))))))))))

Just a hug coming your way to let you know I care.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Thanks Warmie! I appreciate it a lot.

((((((((((((((((( Warmie ))))))))))))))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((Crystal)))))))))))))))))

YW, anytime.... what we are here for, supporting each other.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

You know.... I'm not really sure about my Dad. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps he is possibly sick with some sort of illness. (I can't believe old age is that bad in the late 60's....)

Also, I was a tad annoyed today. I'm trying not to let stuff kill my mood or that I end up in a rage. However, I am on the verge of anger, but today hopefully will be my last day to be for this ever again. My Dad had to do this reference letter. Simple enough, right? Wrong.

I get stuck doing the work. I mean he just drops it & doesn't look back (like my mother can tend to do). I even forgot to do it for several days because it wasn't anything of mine to do. The person who needed it already composed the letter, albeit with a few errors, but that's what editing & proofing is for anyway. What happens? My Dad doesn't "feel comfortable" making the corrections.... & I'm just like what??

(I told my Dad I just don't want to be bothered with it anymore. I don't like the person who asks for the reference letters & HE KNOWS THAT, AFTER WHAT BEFORE-MENTIONED son of a buzzard DID TO ME that was very painful. Talk about a lack of consideration for my feelings....)

I guess I just get tired of being "the go-to" person/dumping ground for everything.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Crystal )))))))))))))))))

You did stand up for yourself. You may end up doing this work, but they know you aren't pleased about it and it is a one shot deal. Good on you!!!

Warmie