my story (may trigger)

[Angel333333]

Hi all, I really want to share some of my life with others, perhaps just to vent. I cant put everything down tonight, but I would like to share some with other users.

My mother was an alcoholic and schitzophrenic and my father had another family somewhere.

All of my childhood memories are of my mother being drunk. Sometimes she would be overly loving, smothering me, making promises that she'd never keep. Other times she would be volotile, and violent, hating me because i look so much like my father, telling me what a mistake she made having me to save her marriage, that it was my fault it didnt work.

One of my first memories is being taken into the headmasters office when i was 5 or 6, and being made to undress in front of a police officer (woman) because a teacher had noticed cigarette burns on my body while I had beenchanging for PE.

I dont actually remember much of the abuse it self, just feelings of hurt and fear.
When I was 11, my mother brought a boyfriend home, a fellow alcoholic. My memory of this is that my mum wanted more vodka and had no money, so this man told her he'd buy it, if she let him have time alone with me. My mother agreed, and i dont think i need to explain what happened next.
That was the one and only time I was touched in a sexual way like that. throughout my childhood i was moved around foster homes, always ending up back at my mums. I hated her, but i loved her too, and felt sick for it. Ofcourse the physical and emotional abuse continued, until i was 14, when i was finally placed into my older sisters care.
After being there a few weeks, my mother vanished off the face of the earth, and hasnt been seen or heard from since.

This is only a small part of my story, but i feel better for sharing it, and hope that no one finds it upsetting.
Blessed Be

[Obayan]

I'm very sorry so much pain has been caused for you. I do hope you are talking with a counselor. We have a chat room here that is really good for support too. Welcome to the forums hon.

[justin]

I to was only molested once to my knowledge but don't think just because it happened once does not mean it wont mess with you for a very long time i hope you can learn ways to positively cope with what was done to you in your past and that your able to continue on and feel good about life. It was not your fault and you never deserved any of it try not to tell yourself otherwise. That is all i think i can say im not very smart and i dont know how to help but know that your not alone here.

[Angel333333]

Thank you both for your lovely replies.
I have had an assesment for psyciatric treatment, am am currently waiting for an appointment to start receiving treatment. I am also on anti depressants that help.
I have been using the chat room on here and found them very supportive and helpful.

Thank you again, my blessings to you both
xxxxxx

[Obayan]

I'm really glad you found support in the chat room as well as in here. Please keep us up to date on how you are doing.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( Angel333333 ))))))))))))))))

Welcome to our little family. Lots of support here, keep posting hon.

Warmie