my story (trigger)

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Obayan )))))))))))))))))))

A warm hug from a friend that cares.

Warmie

[Jake61186]

Thanks for posting your story.

[Obayan]

Nurse just called from my doc's office. She wants me in the lab today to give blood and vitals. I have to be in the doc's office tomarrow at noon. She was VERY upset she couldn't reach me this morning and have me there in person today. I'm so scared right now I'm really freaking out. And I can't reach my two best friends at all. Oh crap i'm scared.

[lisalou]

oh obayan,i hope so much that it's not bad news. I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this

Lisa x x

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( Obayan ))))))))))))))

Best thoughts, prayers and good wishes going with you tomorrow.

Warmie

[pickle]

I don't know entirely what is happening, but i love you so, and am lighting incense on my alter for you that whatever the news is, it is workable. You have lots of support here and are well loved.

[Monty]

I realize that by time that you read this message, that you will have already been to the doctor.

Hope all is well with you. Doctor's offices have done that to me before and I know the sleepless night you have before you get there.

Hang in.

[Obayan]

It was a sleepless night. A night I spent in the chat room and I want to thank everyone for so much love and support. Nurse called this morning and postponed the meeting until friday. My doc got called away on a family emergency and won't be back until then. So, I guess i have a couple more sleepless nights ahead....

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Obayan ))))))))))))))))

Oh dear hon! Sorry you got postpone, my thoughts and prayers still with you, never doubt that.

Warmie

[Obayan]

love you so much warmie. i ignored a lot that was going on with my body and physical symptoms that should have started bells ringing because of how much stress there has been lately. concentrating more on my daughter than on myself. i think i'm about to pay for that mistake.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Obayan ))))))))))))))

Not a mistake that you care so for your child. A problem, yes, that you ignore your needs, and I know you do. We talked about that, remember?

Know I am here, always.

Warmie

[lisalou]

BEST OF LUCK FOR TOMORROW OBAYAN! xxxxxx

[Obayan]

Well, that’s it. The last of the plants from my husband services have died today. I thought in some twisted way that as long as i kept the plants alive, maybe somehow there was still a part of him here with me.
But it's ok. It's time to set aside old memories and make some new ones.
The plants were kind of like a symbol for my grief.
I'll always love harlan. i'll always have a space missing inside where he stood. but it's time to stop grieving and start living again
The plants were a way to keep holding on to what isn't there anymore. And now that they are all gone. I can let go.


Also, today, got another call from doc's office. He has the blood work done and wants me in the office tomarrow as soon as it opens. Not waiting until my apt at noon.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Obayan )))))))))))))))))

Big step, but you will keep going, only way to do it.

Hope you sense me with you tomorrow.

Warmie

[Obayan]

Went to the doc today. He dismissed the lump all together as nothing significant. However, the swelling in my legs, feet and hands seems to be of some major concern. He did more bloodwork on me. Chest x-rays, heart echo, ekg, and i'm scheduled for a chemical stress test and then another doc visit on the 12th to see what my options are from there. It seems my heart is getting progressively worse. Not sure what's gonna happen, but whatever it is, i'm going to survive it. I'm back on my meds again now. And ate my last hotdog today.