i just want love

[carly450]

i'm 20 years old and from london. Years ago when i saw a
phycotherapist she told me writing would help but i never
did it, but 5 years later im gonna give it ago.

do you ever have those days when things seem to go from
bad to worse?. Unfortunatly i seem to have them alot.
I have had a lot happen to me recently and i just wanna
know why? why me? what have i done to deserve all this?.

I never got on with my parents infact i know its a hard
word but i hated them and i still do, there was no love in
my family just hate. No i wasnt physically abused but i
was emotionally which really screwed up my head. I have
never had a real friend in my life and would do anything
for one. But the thing i long for most is a hug of someone
who loves me, not because they feel sorry for me.

My secret is ive never been loved, ive never been in a
proper relationship before. Yes i have had sexual
encounters only but never has anyone ever tell me they
love me. I desperetly seek that and would love just for
one day to experience it.

Many people have said try dating sites, and i did for a
while and met a wonderful person who stupidly i fell for,
only to be turned down and used for just one thing. i can
no longer really use them sites as i dont have a home, the
thing with my family got out of control and i felt if i
stayed a minuite more i would harm myself seriously. i now
currently am classed as a bum (homeless). so i dont ever
see a loving meaningful hug on the hirozon.

i just was told years ago writing down my feelings and
thoughts could be a positive thing so im currently using a
50p coin for half hour in a little internet cafe,
unfortunatly i dont get physcatric help anymore and just
make do with my dog 'sim' .

i just wanna start something up to see if anyone else ever
goes through this and if i dunno your dreams did come true.

and yes the grammer and spelling is very bad, but i dont
really give a damn...after all i have more important
things to worry about

thanks for reading

carly xx

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( carly )))))))))))))))

Hi and welcome to the forums. First off you will find people here truly care. It isn't just words on a screen, it is words from the heart.

We all wish and pray for love, we all feel hate, disappointment, we all have fears and unanswered desires. So please see you aren't alone and we do understand so much.

People say write, write, write. I do, but I do it my way. I pour out the inner me, pen and paper, say it all. Wait awhile, read what I wrote and destroy it. Why? For it is about me, my true feelings and I don't want others reading it, unless I feel comfortable with that happening.

So writing can help, well my way helps me. It releases so much, allows me to face things better. Something that might work for you as well.

I am truly sorry you had the childhood you did. We will all do what we can to support you, be there for you and understand the best we can.

Did you know there is a chat room connect with this forum. Visit there, the people are amazing, and you will get instant conversation there.

Take care of yourself, hope to see you posting more.

Warmsoul/ Moderator