my mom

[hollyann]

I've been sitting here looking at this blank screen for a while. Not sure what exactly to say. But at the same time knowing I have a lot on my mind.

My mom is recently going through a seperation, divorce. Marriage number five down the drain. Through all my life, all her break ups, should it be husbands and boyfriends I've been there for her. I always felt more the mom than the daughter. Being the one there for her. Last night someone I care about very much was trying to talk to me. And I ended up leaving the person on brb so I could help my mom do something. I felt bad for it. But at the same time it was nice to hear my mom truly laugh in ages.

She's having a lot of ups and downs, she can't stand to be alone. But she left him on Sunday. First day or two were talking about maybe reconciling down the road. But since the truck is in her name and he has no driver's license she wont let him use it anymore. He wrecked their car a while back for drunk driving as it was.

So now he's saying there's no hope for them. On top of saying he would let the truck be signed over to a girl he barely knows so he could keep driving it, and the girl would sign it back when he got a lisence.I'm sorry but you don't do that for someone you barely know. Now he is talking about moving this same woman into the house that my mom hasn't even been gone from for a week.

The other night he called from this girls house, must have forgot we have caller ID. Because he was supposedly at the yard, and going to walk to Corey's and meet us at the corner. When we caught up to him, he wasn't far from her house, so we knew of course where he had been. But my mom has still been trying to help him with rides, left the lights in her name.

But now last night he called wanting her to take him to town for some beer. She said no she didn't really feel like going back out. So he hung up called back a short time later. And asked to talk to me. Wanting me to take him to Coreys house because Corey couldn't come get him. And he needed to spend a couple days in town so he didn't have to worry about getting back and forth to work. But Corey lives less than a block from this girl. I didn't buy it for a minute. So I told him I had to take my meds in 5 mins which was true. So he asked my mom and she said no. So he cussed her out, and said I'm not talking to you anymore, and get your stuff out as soon as possible, etc. He says he's filing for divorce as soon as he's able because she is keeping the truck from him.

In the mean time I am trying to start a new life with someone. And hoping this will cause as little waves as possible. I can't turn my back on my mom. But it is so hard to be there for her. My brother and I have been telling her this guy is no good for her for years. But unlike my brother I don't rub it in her face.

But its hard being there for her. I forget to be there for me. She's going into another bout of depression. And I have my bipolar, ptsd and panic to deal with. Not counting my son who has adhd, speech and language problems, rage issues.

I'm doing what I can to get the rest of her stuff out, pushing myself as physcially as I can, but with the added turmoil. I feel like I'm reaching breaking point fast, and even with meds I seem to be spiraling. I dont know what any of us are going to do if I finally break, but some days I get so tired of being the strong one like I've been all my life.

Well this is whats going on now, thank you for letting me vent. I will try some time soon to post my whole story. This is only the most recent. Once again thank you for those that read.

Holly. [/url]

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Holly )))))))))))))))

Dear Holly, how I wish I could just wrapped you in my arms and protect you. You are truly in the 'mother' position at this time, has to be so hard to do.

Hon, we talk on the telephone, you have my number, don't forget. I don't care the time, you need me, you call. I am never sure when to call for I know you are trying your best to get your mother moved and keep her safe.

Hate the thought of your moving her, with your back problems on top of everything else. You will soon have your 'special someone' with you and hopefully, with prayers, things will change.

Please sweet Lady, don't forget yourself in all of this. You are important to many, and I am one of those people. If there is something I can do, let me know. Being in different states doesn't help, but if being on the telephone, letting you vent, then please do call.

You are loved by me dear friend, never forget that. Please take care and stay in touch.

Warmie/Jeanie

[hollyann]

(((((((Jeanie)))))))))))
Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I know the phone is always open, but right now I hesitate to call because I might break down. And right now I'm scared of that. I haven't got as much moved from my moms as I liked because of rainy weather, and babysitting yesterday. So been rearranging here to once again make room for her stuff.
We have got a couple of end tables, a stand, clothes things like that moved. A dresser that I put in the truck bed by myself. Her computer, the computer desk. However we still got a recliner, an organ, queen size bed, a bookshelf, a huge stand that takes up most of one of her wall. its heavy too. Back is a little better after I got it to pop but not 100 percent right now. Heidi is going to try to come over later and help.
Brandon just woke up and ate, so we are off to do more packing etc. and hopefully between raining load things in the truck.
I'm really scared of hearing a friendly voice right now. I may not be able to hold back because of everything I think and feel. So its easier to hide behind posts. Thank you for caring and being who you are. Love ya girl.

Holly

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Holly ))))))))))))))))))

Figured you were totally upset with things, why I said call me. When you are ready, you know I will be there for you. Will admit I am going out tonight, can you believe that? But I will be home late, and you know I take your calls, no matter the time.

I am still worried about your back. Maybe getting better, but you need to be very careful. How I wish you had that 'muscle power help'. Sorry but if he wants her out, why doesn't he help?

I understand your emotions right now, and it is all right. Know I love you too. Take care of you for all of us, please.

Jeanie

[hollyann]

He's been working but think he is staying at the girlfriends house, got two truck fulls and a car load moved today. Only thing left is the organ and a shadow box on the wall. Will do that some time tomorrow. Back is a little sore and so is the ankle and totally tired. But now, a friends kid went in the hospital mom stepped on the leg of the one year old baby who just started walking. Her let is swollen waiting to hear on that. Mom and Brandon are staying with Jimmie, he just got out of the hospital after spending most the day up there tonight. So they are there to help with the two year old and make sure Jimmie doesn't fall. Just another thing to go on. Peep should be here tomorrow. I haven't finished cleaning my room. Too much too little time. Ready to go to sleep but not sure I can. Again I thank you for saying I could call but right now... I just can't. I feel like well I can't even describe it.

So glad you got to go out tonight. That is so awesome. ((((((((Jeanie))))))))) thank you for being here for me and understanding and being the loving and caring person that you are. You mean a lot to me. Going to crash now, take care and know I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs

Holly

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Holly ))))))))))))))))

Just as well he stay away. You are all safe with him not around. Still worry about all you have been doing, but I am not there to stop you, so young lady, you take it easy.

Hopefully you will get some rest now. You best!!

Peeps is there to stay, so I really wouldn't worry whether everything is 'clean and shining'. He is going to see the best and the worst of things in time to come, so stop worrying.

Take care of Holly for all of us, we do care!!! You know our system on calling, so use it, please.

Yes going out was nice, have missed that. Wonderful food, nice drinks so they tell me (had my coke with lime only), a little dancing (and yes very careful with my foot not getting stepped on) but still in kind of early, for the people I went with needed to be up super early. Could have stayed with the other person, but maybe in time.

LOL while I was out another friend stopped by to get me to go out with them also. Dang, all at once! Will have to get in touch with them and set up a time. Loving this to be honest. Staying put, not going out, and now, people, nice. And some are cute, LOL.

Call anytime, if not here leave me a message and I WILL phone you when I get back, promise.

Warmie

[Obayan]

Holly, you have my number. Call. Like jeanie said, any day any time. I love you girl. I want you safe and healthy. Don't make me turn this forum around young lady! Cause I will! Seiously, i love you like a sister. I want only the best for you.

jeanie... does he have a cute brother?

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Holly )))))))))))))))))

I know you are doing all you can to keep your mother safe. The love shines through. You deserve the happiness that is in your life now, you deserve that. Remember that please.

Just needed to tell you that.

Warmie