Frustrated, lonely and hopeless

[tkdbound]

The last 4yrs have been the worst. I have been to psychiatrists and therapists, been misdiagnosed, gained more than 70lbs, been on various cocktails of medications, tried to work without success, another failed relationship. I lost my car, home and am swimming in debt.

I have tried to eat better and exercise and I'm ok for a couple of days. Then the anxiety hits and the fear of not getting better, being judged because of my weight, failed career, my mothers health and son's well being overwhelms me. I am exhausted. I haven't seen my son much in the past few years. He lives with his father and is always away training or competing. He graduates from high school this week from a private school.

I don't fit in with the wealthy parents that will be at his grad and I think that my son feels ashamed of me. Partially because of how fat I've become and because he knows I have lost my social skills.

I feel like I am trapped in this world and don't want to be here. I can't see the joy in life anymore. I've been so miserable for so long now. I was happy when my son was younger and lived with me, I felt so loved by him and life was good. Now I have never felt so alone. I cry everyday and can't get out of depression's grip.

I miss my child so much and I hate not having him in my life. I have not interest in seeing my friends anymore because I have tried to be happy around them and can't. I can't escape my sadness and the thought of my son moving half way across the country for university in the fall means I will see him even less. Weeks go by and he doesn't call. I think I am just a part of his life that he tries to block out because he has to, to be happy.

I really do hate myself.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((( tkdbound ))))))))))))))))) a warm and gentle hug for you.

How I wish I could give that all back to you. I can offer a shoulder to cry on, someone to read your posts, give suppose and just be there, with no judging.

This is a wonderful forum, caring and understanding people that truly care. It may be words typed on a computer, but they come from the heart.

Please know there is a chat room connected with this forum and the chatters there are great. Hope you venture there as well.

Keep posting, it really does help to vent, and we are here for you as much as we can, promise.

Warmie/Jeanie

[Obayan]

Hi. I can be going great for a day or two and then hit the dumps and feel worthless, unloved, alone and a waste of good air. So I can relate to how you feel. I've even wondered if my daughter wouldn't be a lot better off without me. I want you to know that this is the depression feeding off of us from the inside out. Fight it. This is one battle worth winning. Know that the bad days are temporary. Realise how much your son loves you for who you are and not how you look. And remember we are here for you.

I wish you the best.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((( Obayan )))))))))

Only thing I will say is:

Your family needs you, as you need them, as we need you!

Warmie