in dying need of a friend...

[Jess123]

i feel worthless to this world
i just want someone to talk too
someone i can tell anything to
and not feel judged.
I just would like one person to be friend,
that honestly likes me for me
im feel so alone

all my life ive been looking for that 'best friend'
and never found one.
i thought ive found so many of those 'best friends' but realized
i was the only one keeping us friends
i was the only one going out of my way to do whatever they needed
i was the only one that truly wanted to be friends.
i would stick up for them.
but they never stood up for me.
i never get text or calls from them asking if i wanted to hang out.
it was always me asking.
They obviously dont like me for who i am.
Whatever they needed to borrow or keep i would always let them use my stuff.
but they never returned the favors.
Im sick of it! they all just used me.
i've been used my whole life
and im tired of being walked on, by all these 'friends'

i feel they are one sided friendships.
and they dont know me.
they dont listen to me.
they dont care about me.
i wonder everyday, if i didnt start the conversation that day.
would they even talk to me?!
would they even know i was here?
would they even care if i were alive?

I just want someone to talk to.
about anything and everything.
im tired of crying myself to sleep every night.
im tired of my days being full of tears, anger, hatred, suicidal thoughts and loneliness.
i just want a friend.

[mamasam]

(((((((((((((((((jess)))))))))))))
welcome! You will find many many friends here. no one will judge you for any reason, we all have our own issues and can appreciate yours as well. I too have had so called "friends" who were far too shallow and hurt me as well. These people are no longer in my life... move on the next. Lifelong friendships are hard to come by, we have to enjoy the persons in our life while they are there and try to learn the lesson in what their prescence is to us. You are obviously a very strong person to be such a good friend to so many, i am sorry that they were not as good to you. Do not give up hope, that someone is out there just as lonely as you are and you will meet soon, by chance.

[crystalgaze]

That was well said, Jess.... That sums up how I feel too....

I'm glad you were able to put it into words.... I think I've tried many times, had different thoughts at various times but could never quite put it all together.

Welcome to the forum! ~hugs to you~

[Mich]

(((((Jess))))) Welcome to the forum. I am friendless in "real life" but have found many friends here who are kind, caring and compassionate. You can have this experience too. There are so many hear who will listen and not judge. I hope you post some more.

[Jess123]

thank you everyone for welcoming me.
ive had a horrible morning and then to come and read ur guys comments cheered me up a bit!
so thank you and i look forward talking to u guys!

[little me]

Hello Jess,

I can so understand what you are saying, like you i have had so many friends ......well who i thought were good friends who have let me down big time!! i find it very hard to now trust people as i don't want to get close and for them to let me down again and again.

I am always around if you would like to message me and we can talk, it would be wonderful to get to hear from you.

Big hug from me to you love little me x

[Jess123]

Hello Jess,

I can so understand what you are saying, like you i have had so many friends ......well who i thought were good friends who have let me down big time!! i find it very hard to now trust people as i don't want to get close and for them to let me down again and again.

I am always around if you would like to message me and we can talk, it would be wonderful to get to hear from you.

Big hug from me to you love little me x

im happy im not the only one. but it sucks we have to go through this
and i didnt realize till now, i cant trust people anymore. cause i feel i will always get hurt. even from my parents

i would love to message u but i dont know how..

[little me]

Hi.


I think you have to press the pm button on the bottom of this message, to send private messages.

Be great to hear from you xxx

[xn728]

jess and little me ,,let us know how your feeling ,,we all suffer this dark pain you talk of here ,,differant reasons ,,simaler pain ,,we will not judge you here ,the depression has given us the depth of understaning only those of us that suffer this pain could ever know ,the darkness will make you blind and it will take your emotions and shake them all up so you dont feel them as you should ,,we know about crying ourshelves to sleep here and we know about feeling alone even though we have our familys around us ,you should never feel like you cant talk here ,some of the things i have laid down here are private and personal ,,i have so much trust in this wonderful forum ,,so come on in and feel the warmth jess ,
little me ,you are a dear freind now and you have shown jess so much kindness ,,,sometimes you will hear me say to my freinds ,,let me carry your pain for a while so you may rest ,,and i couldent be more sincere ,
you will soon have lots of freinds here jess and you must never feel worthless thats just a trick of your illness ,turn your back on those thoughts and walk forward jess you have found a good place here ,,,
if either of you should stumble in the darkness reach out and i will catch your fall ,,,welcome home ,be part of this great family ,,hugs(((jess)))
hugs (((little me ))),,lots of love ken xxx

[Jess123]

jess and little me ,,let us know how your feeling ,,we all suffer this dark pain you talk of here ,,differant reasons ,,simaler pain ,,we will not judge you here ,the depression has given us the depth of understaning only those of us that suffer this pain could ever know ,the darkness will make you blind and it will take your emotions and shake them all up so you dont feel them as you should ,,we know about crying ourshelves to sleep here and we know about feeling alone even though we have our familys around us ,you should never feel like you cant talk here ,some of the things i have laid down here are private and personal ,,i have so much trust in this wonderful forum ,,so come on in and feel the warmth jess ,
little me ,you are a dear freind now and you have shown jess so much kindness ,,,sometimes you will hear me say to my freinds ,,let me carry your pain for a while so you may rest ,,and i couldent be more sincere ,
you will soon have lots of freinds here jess and you must never feel worthless thats just a trick of your illness ,turn your back on those thoughts and walk forward jess you have found a good place here ,,,
if either of you should stumble in the darkness reach out and i will catch your fall ,,,welcome home ,be part of this great family ,,hugs(((jess)))
hugs (((little me ))),,lots of love ken xxx

thank u so much Ken. i do feel very welcomed and comfortable here, so thank u everyone.
ken, i had a HORRIBLE day and reading what u wrote made me feel so much better. so thank u, thank u, thank u! i look forward talking to u soon!

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Welcome to the site (((( Jess123 ))))!!!!
I also have times when I feel very alone and isolated, which I find very difficult as isolation, real or perceived is a major trigger for my feelings of depression. Eg: I feel isolated, which worsens my depression, which leads me to a tendency to isolate myself, which makes me feel even more isolated.......and so on....... )
So I REALLY would not want you to think that I am minimizing your feelings in any way. It SUCKS BIG TIME to feel as alone as you feel!!!!
However, I know from my own experience that there ARE people out there who care for and about me. And, I would SO hope that you will and can find people who will do the same for you.
And perhaps I can also, at least to some extent, see why " normal " people are slightly unsure about interacting with " us depressives " .
I know that there have been times when my depression and anxiety have made me a VERY difficult person to be around. So, there have been times when I can rather understand why some people have " backed away " from me. And, I can't say that I blame them.......
At the vrisk of over-generalizing, I find that people are generally willing to be supportive of me if they don't feel frightened, confused or overloaded by my feelings. Eg: There have been times when I've felt so depressed and anxious that I've just dumped all my " emotional baggage " on people and they just haven't known what to do with me, how to cope with me, and so they've ( Quite reasonably. ) " backed away " from me generally.
As far as I'm concerned, it generally seems to work better for me if I " ease into " relationships with people, Eg: I don't give them more information about my depression than I think that they are interested in or can handle, I try not to expect too much from people before I've got to know them, if I ask them for help I try to ask them for something small and specific...etc
Anyway, just a few thoughts.... PS: I would ask you to forgive me if I ask you, please don't give up on people! " Normal " people can be very loyal, with a certain amount of " patience and training "!!!! ( At the risk of indulging my admittedly rather idiosyncratic British sense of humour! )

[little me]

Bless you thank you again Ken, your such a sweetheart x

Hugs to to too! with love Clarexxx

Hello Jess , hope you are doing ok too. I have pm you my lovely xxx
lots of love and big hugs
Catch up with you very soon i hopexxx

love little me x

[Original_BG]

Thats exacly how i feel Jess

I was always the one who kept the friendship going, its a messed up world at times wish you all the best Jess

[twokat]

Jess, please don't feel alone. I am also alone, have no friends or family around. I sit daily 24/7 in my apartment all alone. There is no one around to even check to see if I'm alive or dead. Who cares anymore. So I know exactly how you feel.

Twokat

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((( Jess123 )))))))))))))

You have all of us, hope that counts. Will give support, and we care.

Warmie