a new day

[mamasam]

This is a new day in my life. I am trying to move forward, although the pain is still very very real. I am hopeful for what tomorrow will bring , and it is not for him to return. I cannot lie, a part of me wishes he would come back and grovel. An even bigger part of me is glad that i'm pretty sure he won't because i am afraid i won't be able to say no...even after all i have been thru. My brain always says one thing but my heart always does another. I am trying really really hard to focus on all of the bad things he has done to put me in this place so that i can draw strength from it. I am so appreciative to everyone for their kindness and support. I surely do not know how i could do this without you all. It's hard to believe i am leaning so much on strangers, but i am not seeing you all as that so much anymore...it's almost like a special family of sorts. Every minute i argue with myself on calling or texting him...i still have not done it!! yeay me!! It will get better, it will, it has to.

[shatteredhopes]

Well you are showing tremendous strength...I do believe that our hearts will eventually surrender to what we know in our heads, but the heart longs for the good parts and love makes us overlook the bad, even to the extent it becomes toxic for us sometimes. Maybe that book you just finished on manipulators (which I am hoping you will share some of what you learned as I suspect I will see my ex there too!), you could write out how he fit that to a tee...write out all the wrong things he did, the times he cheated, went back to her, couldn't decide, etc. Then, when the good parts of him start to haunt you you can look at it and remind yourself why you took the very brave step to let him go.

You deserve someone who will love you completely, faithfully, and also be there for your kids (you said your kids didn't like him, kids sometimes are better judges of character than adults!)...you deserve someone who will commit to you and only you not waiver with another woman having his cake and eating it too refusing to choose one or the other and stick to it. How many chances did you give him? More than he deserved!

BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. I am so sorry you are hurting. Jerks do that to us and it is frustrating that we love them sometimes and still have to grieve even when its for the best. But from everything you have said, it absolutely IS for the best. Stay strong! Nurture yourself! Do something nice for yourself and spoil yourself a little in any way you can. Maybe, if you are brave, sign up for a dating site! Even if you aren't ready to move on yet, the interest of other men might remind you there are others out there and help your self-esteem, which I am sure took a bruising after the way he treated you...anyway, just a thought. (I haven't ventured in that direction...)

You go girl! You're sounding good even though in incredible pain, you are wise and even wiser now having been through this...

Wishing you a peaceful evening and some simple pleasures to take your mind off him and comfort you in your pain...

[mamasam]

Thank you so much (((((((((shattered))))))))) I can always count on you to be there for me!! You and (((((((Crystal))))))) are my rocks!! You are the food that nutures my poor wounded soul back to existance. I hope one day you will find your inner strength and beauty and fulfill all of your wildest fantasies I wish the greatest happiness on you imaginable! You are a wonderful person and you deserve only the best!