confused and scared. I need help.

[Alice_in_Wonderland]

I'm a freshman in an advanced, college-prep high school, and this has been the source of a lot of stress. I often overwork myself; I am a perfectionist and everything must be done in a certain fashion and finished by a certain time. (I can't stand to do group work with my peers because I can't relinquish that control over my grades and depend on other people to do their work. I don't trust easily.) I have only one friend whom I really feel like I can confide in and she is the only friend that I feel like genuinely likes me. I have other friends, though they seem to simply tolerate me. And, to add on to my pile, last night I made the mistake of saying on my Gmail status that "The world does not revolve around my friends." Because two of my friends, Becky and Hollyn, always act like they are the center of the universe and it had gotten me upset earlier in the day. Hollyn got on like 2 seconds after I posted it, and I assume she called Becky to get on because she was on about thirty seconds later. They both started saying really hurtful things on their statuses like calling me immature and averting all blame. I got off and texted my best friend, Andrea, and told her not to hate me because they're both really close to her and I knew they would call her and try to get her on their side. I asked her to let me explain my side of the story before she turned her back on me because if she wasn't friends with me anymore, I don't have anyone else. So she texted back and told me that everyone was dumping on her (so I assume they were complaining to her) and basically, I need to deal with it on my own. I fell asleep last night crying. Today at school Hollyn came and sat with me and the two other girls I was eating with, Paige and Celina. And she was nice. But Becky refused to make eye contact with me at all. We sit across from each other in advisory and she just stared up the entire time, even when I asked her a question. And when I was walking to my teacher's room to get my stuff after "Fitness Friday", Becky and Andrea were walking to lunch, Andrea was like 10 yards behind Becky. And Becky ignored me, but then so did Andrea. So I cried in the bathroom and then went to one of my teacher's rooms (she lets us eat in her room) to eat my lunch. Becky usually sits outside so I assumed that's where she would be. But she was sitting in Ms. Rigby's room, so I turned around and left. I considered eating lunch in the bathroom, but I decided that I didn't want to be that weird loner girl who has no friends. I'm going to try, at least. So I went and sat down with Paige and Celina, and Hollyn came a few minutes later. I think things are okay with Hollyn and I, but I don't know about Becky. And things are okay with Andrea, too. She was laughing and being really sweet during Geography so I think she's not mad. But there's no way to really know. So I basically only have Paige and Celina to lean on, and they seem to be okay with me, but I don't think they think much of me.
I know I'm rambling, but just a couple other things I'm struggling with are that my step-mom constantly favors my toddler sister over me and I'm still only developing a relationship with my biological mom.
I'm absolutely certain I'm depressed. I just need advice on my friend situation. Please.

[crystalgaze]

I think from this situation you've learned not to flame or post when you are upset....

No... don't eat your lunch in the bathroom... Go find a nice spot for yourself. You deserve it....

Okay, for the friends situation, let's see.... Here's what you could do.... If you have not already done it & if this is what you want to do, you apologize & say that you were having a bad day.

It is not relevant whether they accept your apology. You apologize & you wait. You are strong enough to live without them. The world doesn't revolve your friends, you or myself, & YOUR world doesn't have to revolve around anyone else.

It's your world.... There's always an opportunity to make new friends & when those opportunities arise, then you rise to the occasion. Are there any other colleges around or place where people your age hang out in a positive manner? Go there then.... How about the library? Are there people you always see in the library & who study like you? Why not try chatting with them a bit to see how they respond to you & if you like them?

Friends are important.... Yes, I agree.... However, you want friends who will be strong & can stand on their own 2 feet/think for themselves + not easily be influenced by others or dragged into mess.

Let the problem rest with them. You don't need them. Take care of yourself! YOU COME FIRST & FOREMOST! ALL ELSE COMES 2ND.

I know we always want the best possible situation but a lot of times that doesn't solely depend on just us.

Your stepmom doesn't like you. Tough cookie for her. You are there to stay... You didn't date her & you didn't beg her to come into your life. Let her continue on because she will not profit from what she is doing. Tredge on in being yourself. You do not need anyone who will not be positive for you/in your corner.

As for school & the perfectionist thing, the world requires perfection, I agree, but you cannot let it run you into the ground. I am what I call a mid-perfectionist.... Would I like for things to be done well? Yeah, sure... Does it happen that way all the time? No it does not. Am I going to be ugly to myself if I am not perfect? No.... There's always room to improve & the next time(s) I can do better. Am I going to kill myself over it? NO!! Would I like to do better all the time or in the future? HECK YEAH...

If a meticulous attitude can push you to do well, then fine, but don't let it get out of hand!

When something doesn't go right, it is about damage control. Sports are a great example of this.... I happen to like figure skating.... Let's say Mimi (just a random name) doesn't land a jump well or falls, she can still be in the runnings for a medal, depending on how she does in the rest of her program. That's how you want to be. All or nothin' is not good.

I'm a former true perfectionist myself. I do not do it anymore in full because it was stressing me out & being a destructive force, instead of being a positive one.

I will stop for now! Welcome to the forum!