I DID IT!!!!
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I DID IT!!!!
I am in so much pain right now, my heart is bursting out of my chest! I have this incredible hole where my heart should be!!!!! I am shaking and crying and wanting to take it all back but i can't! I feel like i have just killed myself!!! I finally told Joe to go be with her. He will never know what he wants unless we end all contact ...i just love him so much that i don't want him to hurt anymore! Even if that meansloosing him forever to that mean game playing old hag witch! i am dying inside! This is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do in my life. I feel that connected to him. I know that with doing this she will come back to work for him and he will be so totally dependant on him that he will never be able to free himself from her. In that way i have doomed myself. I am so numb right now.....All i have ever wanted was to be happy, i don't care about money or monetary things, i just want to feel the love returned, i want to be happy with someone who values the same things i do...i want security, is that too much to ask or expect? I know now i have lost him forever. I hope he will find happiness. maybe one day i will, even though right now i feel like it is the end of the world. I am giving myself these stupid pep talks that i give my kids....They do not work!!!!!!!! I need strength!!
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
BIG BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you, but at the same time, ache for you as I know how much you must be hurting right now. Even doing the right thing for him and yourself, can be seemingly impossible to bear. Knowing you did the right thing is small comfort when you have lost the one you love.
But you know, well, you deserve someone who is faithful and loyal and will return the level of your love. There are things I miss about my ex, but I constantly remind myself of all the bad parts. Maybe write out a list of all the times he has gone with her, cheated on you, gone back to her, and any minor trangressions you can think of...post it on your bathroom mirror or place it next to your bedside for when you feel weak like you want to call him. He might just try to win you back yet again...then you will be faced with a difficult choice. Prepare yourself for that possibility as he has done it before. But you know, I know, we deserve better than what our men did to us. It hurts, but I would rather be alone than hurt like that again. I have been alone before and can be now.
You have children, right? Can you spend extra time with them, play special games or bake cookies together? Do you have female friends you can talk to to console you? Are there things you find comforting like ice cream or old movies? Can you treat yourself somehow to something special, something new you can buy or a day trip you can take with your kids? Keeping occupied and comforting ourselves is a big part of the battle I have found. Cry when you need to and post as often as you need, I have found writing my feelings here has helped a lot. Write him letters you will never send and burn them or tear them up and flush them as if sending into the universe. Tell him how bad he hurt you. Try to focus on the downsides instead of all the things you loved about him...try the thought stopping when you think loving positive thoughts about him or good memories surface. Punch or scream into your pillow if you need to.
You will get through this, hard as it is. By cutting him loose and healing and getting over him, you free yourself to find someone who is truly deserving of the depth of your love, and who will return it unconditionally, faithfully, and honestly.
You are stronger woman than I am and you will be better off in the long run, and although the pain is deep now, he would only continue to hurt you more and maybe even deeper in the long run, so stay strong! I can't tell you how angry I am at myself for all the repeated chances I gave my ex thinking he would finally get his act together and treat me right, only as he started to change and be the man I deserved did he dump me and move on with someone else who is reaping the benefits of my patience, love, and loyalty. It makes me sick. So cutting your losses now, hard as it is, will be better for you in the long run I absolutely believe.
BIG HUGS and LOVE YOUR WAY!
But you know, well, you deserve someone who is faithful and loyal and will return the level of your love. There are things I miss about my ex, but I constantly remind myself of all the bad parts. Maybe write out a list of all the times he has gone with her, cheated on you, gone back to her, and any minor trangressions you can think of...post it on your bathroom mirror or place it next to your bedside for when you feel weak like you want to call him. He might just try to win you back yet again...then you will be faced with a difficult choice. Prepare yourself for that possibility as he has done it before. But you know, I know, we deserve better than what our men did to us. It hurts, but I would rather be alone than hurt like that again. I have been alone before and can be now.
You have children, right? Can you spend extra time with them, play special games or bake cookies together? Do you have female friends you can talk to to console you? Are there things you find comforting like ice cream or old movies? Can you treat yourself somehow to something special, something new you can buy or a day trip you can take with your kids? Keeping occupied and comforting ourselves is a big part of the battle I have found. Cry when you need to and post as often as you need, I have found writing my feelings here has helped a lot. Write him letters you will never send and burn them or tear them up and flush them as if sending into the universe. Tell him how bad he hurt you. Try to focus on the downsides instead of all the things you loved about him...try the thought stopping when you think loving positive thoughts about him or good memories surface. Punch or scream into your pillow if you need to.
You will get through this, hard as it is. By cutting him loose and healing and getting over him, you free yourself to find someone who is truly deserving of the depth of your love, and who will return it unconditionally, faithfully, and honestly.
You are stronger woman than I am and you will be better off in the long run, and although the pain is deep now, he would only continue to hurt you more and maybe even deeper in the long run, so stay strong! I can't tell you how angry I am at myself for all the repeated chances I gave my ex thinking he would finally get his act together and treat me right, only as he started to change and be the man I deserved did he dump me and move on with someone else who is reaping the benefits of my patience, love, and loyalty. It makes me sick. So cutting your losses now, hard as it is, will be better for you in the long run I absolutely believe.
BIG HUGS and LOVE YOUR WAY!
(((((((((((((((((shatteredhopes)))))))))))))))))) I wish you were a guy ...you would be perect!! Thank you so much for caring about me enough to respond. I know i did the right thing, I just feel sick right now...I feel like she did everything wrong yet she won, and he lost, i lost , he lost because he lost me, the one who really loves him and puts his needs first before my own, he will one day see her for the mean game playing selfish person she really is, i will be gone and it will be too late. i have lost because i gave up, i gave in and let her have him. I wonder "was it all worth it?" all this pain and agony, all the tears???Why have i fought so hard to give him up now? i have to feel noble and say i did it for love......i would have rathered him break it off with me, it would seem so much more permanent. Then i would not hope for him to show up at my doorstep. I need to get those thoughts out of my head!! I need to move on, U R SO RIGHT!!!! I hate that you have felt like i am ...i am sorry you have not been able to move past it. i wish i could call you...we could share alot of opinions and insite with each other. i don't have instant messenger on this computer, i am at work. I am so glad i met such warm loving people on here. I cannot tell you how much your responses are helping me. Giving me the strength i need .... ((((((((HUGS)))))))
Last edited by mamasam on Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
Sister, just warning ya please delete your email address...we do occassionally get spammers and trolls on the site although the moderators do a great job, wouldn't want some "guest" trying to sell natural anti-depressant products or something spamming your inbox...you and I can private message on this site anytime we want!
Sweetie, we are 100% behind you and proud of you for doing not just what you perceived to be best for him (was it really, if she is as you describe?) but WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOU...if he can't give her up and see her for what you say she is and dedicate himself solely to you, he doesn't deserve you. Period.
I know, I still sometimes wish my ex would wake up and come back realizing all I did for him building his self-confidence, putting up with so much, being so thoughtful, etc. BUT its better that he never will, as he didn't love me enough to treat me with respect and loyalty and faithfulness, so most of the time I know I am better off without him. But it has taken me a while to get to that point (6 months) and I still sometimes backslide and get all upset. Mostly I'm just upset with myself for putting up with so much crap only to get my heart shattered and that he is prospering and flaunting his new love in front of my face on the internet. Plus for me, I had been through living He!! the previous few years, and he was like the last straw in a series of painful events.
Learn from my mistake. When he comes sniffin' around, tell him no. If he really wants you and can't let you go, he must let her go, keep her gone for a long, long while and stay alone to prove she's gone before you could take him seriously I would think...but I'm not in your shoes! And your break-up is raw and new and ouch ouch ouch I know you are hurting. Just keep posting and let it out anyway you can and comfort yourself...be extra good to yourself right now...a nice hot bubble bath? Gourmet chocolate? A weekend trip away while a friend watches the kids? Dunno what works for you...but treat yourself SPECIAL and reward yourself for the brave step you are taking!
HUGS!!!!!!!!
Sweetie, we are 100% behind you and proud of you for doing not just what you perceived to be best for him (was it really, if she is as you describe?) but WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOU...if he can't give her up and see her for what you say she is and dedicate himself solely to you, he doesn't deserve you. Period.
I know, I still sometimes wish my ex would wake up and come back realizing all I did for him building his self-confidence, putting up with so much, being so thoughtful, etc. BUT its better that he never will, as he didn't love me enough to treat me with respect and loyalty and faithfulness, so most of the time I know I am better off without him. But it has taken me a while to get to that point (6 months) and I still sometimes backslide and get all upset. Mostly I'm just upset with myself for putting up with so much crap only to get my heart shattered and that he is prospering and flaunting his new love in front of my face on the internet. Plus for me, I had been through living He!! the previous few years, and he was like the last straw in a series of painful events.
Learn from my mistake. When he comes sniffin' around, tell him no. If he really wants you and can't let you go, he must let her go, keep her gone for a long, long while and stay alone to prove she's gone before you could take him seriously I would think...but I'm not in your shoes! And your break-up is raw and new and ouch ouch ouch I know you are hurting. Just keep posting and let it out anyway you can and comfort yourself...be extra good to yourself right now...a nice hot bubble bath? Gourmet chocolate? A weekend trip away while a friend watches the kids? Dunno what works for you...but treat yourself SPECIAL and reward yourself for the brave step you are taking!
HUGS!!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((((shatterdhopes))))))))))))))))))) Thank you for getting back to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep looking at my phone hoping he will text or call....does that really mean i wanna let him go??? Yes that woman is just as i described but i have to let him see for himself...You have so much wisdom inside of you! while i am here at work i am blocked from instant messages. I am not going to wait on him to come back....because the truth is he may never come back and where would i be then? It is so hard! I just want to run to him and shout here i am !!! love me !!! She is so fake and he will see soon enough, but do i really want him miserable? even if it's not with me, i want him to be happy.....i just wish it were with me! 
it is not and i have to accept that 
I don't want to bake anything, i used to bake for him, i don't want to go on a trip, we used to do that, everything i do , everywhere i go, all of it reminds me of him!! everything!! its pathetic! i am pathetic! 
I make a decision that i hate but i have to live with it and i know it had to be done but i hate it! I feel like a little lost girl who is throwing a fit and wanting my babydoll back 
My children are wonderful but they do not like him because no matter how hard i tried to hide it, they have witnessed my pain and although i have never taken it out on them, i know it affects them. Life sucks. I just want to be happy ....how hard can that be????
it is not and i have to accept that I don't want to bake anything, i used to bake for him, i don't want to go on a trip, we used to do that, everything i do , everywhere i go, all of it reminds me of him!! everything!! its pathetic! i am pathetic! I make a decision that i hate but i have to live with it and i know it had to be done but i hate it! I feel like a little lost girl who is throwing a fit and wanting my babydoll back My children are wonderful but they do not like him because no matter how hard i tried to hide it, they have witnessed my pain and although i have never taken it out on them, i know it affects them. Life sucks. I just want to be happy ....how hard can that be???? -
crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
It hurts but what I will say is: Please put yourself 1st.
Total dependency on someone else does not seem to work. They can't be with you forever. (e.g. They may pass away, leave, etc.)
Please read what I will say next very carefully.... & of course, I am NOT judging you.
As much as you may love this person, he is not treating you properly & on that count alone, he is not right for you.
I just went through this... (I had a guy try to treat me as nothing more than an F-post.... I was not feeling that.)
You cannot allow anyone to treat you in a way that is not right! (that is, cheaply! You are not cheap!) Just the fact the he is between you & someone else is not right!
Your children are correct not to like him!
What you have done is the best thing you have done for yourself! Please be strong & don't go back on what you have done! If he comes back, please tell him to get out of your face & that you're tired of the bull!
Love doesn't mean pain at every step or every few steps or every other step! Take care! (& that's for us both!)
Total dependency on someone else does not seem to work. They can't be with you forever. (e.g. They may pass away, leave, etc.)
Please read what I will say next very carefully.... & of course, I am NOT judging you.
As much as you may love this person, he is not treating you properly & on that count alone, he is not right for you.
I just went through this... (I had a guy try to treat me as nothing more than an F-post.... I was not feeling that.)
You cannot allow anyone to treat you in a way that is not right! (that is, cheaply! You are not cheap!) Just the fact the he is between you & someone else is not right!
Your children are correct not to like him!
What you have done is the best thing you have done for yourself! Please be strong & don't go back on what you have done! If he comes back, please tell him to get out of your face & that you're tired of the bull!
Love doesn't mean pain at every step or every few steps or every other step! Take care! (& that's for us both!)
(((((((((((((((Crystal))))))))))) 
I Thank you for your words of wisdom! I am doing just as you say. I have not contacted him and i told him to never call me, text me, or show up at my doorstep ever again! I read the most amazing book over the weekend, it was telling me how to spot a manipulator and oh my gosh !!! He is ALL of the characteristics in the book...i was so blind! I now have my eyes fully open, I now know why he chose her...she won't make him commit...he has a way out with her...she can't have children, so it's her loss...i kept thinking why do bad things always happen to me? I'm a good person...well a friend of mine asked me "why do you think this is a bad thing?" He was right...He did me a favor just as my ex husband did... i won't lie I am still hurting so badly! Sunday the tears just would not stop comming, I wanted to die!!! I kept looking at my bottle of buse-bar and thought about taking the whole thing....I was teetering between doing it, but i kept thinking ..i could never let my kids find me like that and what would it do to them..just as i was about to do it, my ex husband arrived with my kids...That is what turned me around on this whole issue! For someone to have that affect on me and to make me feel so unloveable is unforgivable!!! She called him everytime she cried...well not me! He can take his ego and shove it where the sun don't shine! I am a good mother, I am a very attractive woman with a nice shape, I have a promising career, I have raised very smart, healthy, independant children and no one can take that away. She can have him ....he will never fully commit to anyone, it's not in his personality, I should feel sorry for her but the two of them are just alike, and for that ...they get what they deserve! I will never let someone ruin my self esteem like i let him do ...I will be ok one day, but for now i am taking it one step at a time. Thank you so much for helping me, you and shatteredhopes are wonderful! You tell me just like it is and do not "sugar coat" anything....i need that so badly. I hope one day to be able to be as big of a help as you all have been to me.
I Thank you for your words of wisdom! I am doing just as you say. I have not contacted him and i told him to never call me, text me, or show up at my doorstep ever again! I read the most amazing book over the weekend, it was telling me how to spot a manipulator and oh my gosh !!! He is ALL of the characteristics in the book...i was so blind! I now have my eyes fully open, I now know why he chose her...she won't make him commit...he has a way out with her...she can't have children, so it's her loss...i kept thinking why do bad things always happen to me? I'm a good person...well a friend of mine asked me "why do you think this is a bad thing?" He was right...He did me a favor just as my ex husband did... i won't lie I am still hurting so badly! Sunday the tears just would not stop comming, I wanted to die!!! I kept looking at my bottle of buse-bar and thought about taking the whole thing....I was teetering between doing it, but i kept thinking ..i could never let my kids find me like that and what would it do to them..just as i was about to do it, my ex husband arrived with my kids...That is what turned me around on this whole issue! For someone to have that affect on me and to make me feel so unloveable is unforgivable!!! She called him everytime she cried...well not me! He can take his ego and shove it where the sun don't shine! I am a good mother, I am a very attractive woman with a nice shape, I have a promising career, I have raised very smart, healthy, independant children and no one can take that away. She can have him ....he will never fully commit to anyone, it's not in his personality, I should feel sorry for her but the two of them are just alike, and for that ...they get what they deserve! I will never let someone ruin my self esteem like i let him do ...I will be ok one day, but for now i am taking it one step at a time. Thank you so much for helping me, you and shatteredhopes are wonderful! You tell me just like it is and do not "sugar coat" anything....i need that so badly. I hope one day to be able to be as big of a help as you all have been to me.-
crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Good for you....! & I mean that! Good for us both! I am SO glad I was not misunderstood!
This is one post where I wanted to cry after reading it because I know how this whole thing is....
Either you will leave it alone or you will go with your eyes open & not have your whole world depend on him! You probably love him, but later for him! My situation is slightly different as I do not have kids & the whole situation is for me to choose.
I will not ever knock anyone for having sex. Sex is sex & that's okay for adults or anyone who is able to handle what it entails (the mental & the physical & even the spiritual).
It's just when you have kids or even when there are potential companions whom you may not see, you really must be careful about the image that is conveyed & the messages that the image will give.
As my dad as always said, he didn't go around calling women names or hitting me because he didn't want me to believe that that was acceptable. In the same breath, you don't want your kids to think that it's okay for someone not to treat them right.
It will be hard, but I am glad for you. It's okay to slip. I have slipped enough times, but it is really different when you slip or even GO with your eyes OPEN! Go with your eyes open! That's all!
So proud of you.... Good job! & remember that regardless of what happens, you are a good person, a great person, an outstanding person, a smashing/ravishing person! Don't let anyone shake your foundation again.
(I know we're not perfect.... I'm just saying it because I know in the end, both of us will be in a better place, so that we are not sleeping when someone comes to take advantage of us.)
This is one post where I wanted to cry after reading it because I know how this whole thing is....
Either you will leave it alone or you will go with your eyes open & not have your whole world depend on him! You probably love him, but later for him! My situation is slightly different as I do not have kids & the whole situation is for me to choose.
I will not ever knock anyone for having sex. Sex is sex & that's okay for adults or anyone who is able to handle what it entails (the mental & the physical & even the spiritual).
It's just when you have kids or even when there are potential companions whom you may not see, you really must be careful about the image that is conveyed & the messages that the image will give.
As my dad as always said, he didn't go around calling women names or hitting me because he didn't want me to believe that that was acceptable. In the same breath, you don't want your kids to think that it's okay for someone not to treat them right.
It will be hard, but I am glad for you. It's okay to slip. I have slipped enough times, but it is really different when you slip or even GO with your eyes OPEN! Go with your eyes open! That's all!
So proud of you.... Good job! & remember that regardless of what happens, you are a good person, a great person, an outstanding person, a smashing/ravishing person! Don't let anyone shake your foundation again.
(I know we're not perfect.... I'm just saying it because I know in the end, both of us will be in a better place, so that we are not sleeping when someone comes to take advantage of us.)
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