How do you 'get over it'..?

[EmmaliciouS]

How can you love yourself when you resent everything you are? Need a personality transplant. Things, just wrong. Way i act & think is all wrong, messed up. Think have a low mental age, 20 and massively in debt, don't pay it off & just hide up in my house.. playing games.. i dunno.
Anyway:

I would like advice on how to 'get over it'.. idea being the main route of the depression, as for most i guess we all have a load a things that drag us down, but is that one catalyst. Thing that started it type of thing.
I have this inability to 'get over it' and again, personality problems, is not doing me no good, mentally.
Can't get over so many things, i become this recluse unloveable arguementative whiny angry obsessive stalker-ish bitter hostile crazed etc (though i agree, those are things other people have said about me, i do agree, but isn't like i'm comfortable with it, want it changed)

So hows you get over things? I sorta, do wrong things. Like, send texts to my ex partner in a faint hope i'll get a reply.. baring in mind we seperated 5 months ago.
Constantly thinking and stalking *thankyou Twitter for helping me become a complete freak* my ex best friend. Just want it all to change. Keep burying my head in the sand. Want it all go away, don't like me no more, was march 31st of last year when my only shot was ripped away, haven't came close to getting over it.. a year on! I dunno how to 'get over it' am always thinking incorrectly, just wanna like, swipe my brain & start again. Realised can't fix my current position if my mentality is complete guff, so that's gotta be top priority.. but how do you 'get over it?'

Have made no progression in a year.. normally when you lose friends you make new ones, can't replace family, but i managed to lose all of both & replace none for either. How do you 'get over it' or move on or whatever you wanna call it. Probably expressed this pathetically, point is am a herbit & a pitiful excuse of life sitting here rotting away in my own lonely nest, wanna be better but i dunno for lack of popularity i guess i haven't gotten anywere. Just wanna 'get over it' and stop obsessing, maybe then can make a start on other issues. Don't like any of it, hate being alone, been alone too many months & years, hows you change personality?

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Well here's a suggestion that my psychiatrist gave me and has worked for me, at least to some extent.
" Recovery ", or whatever you want to call it , is about making SMALL, GRADUAL changes to your life. Start small, if you're like me thinking about " big things " like " The Future ", " The World " etc, makes me feels scared or overwhelmed. So, try something smaller, a small thing, or a couple of small things perhaps that will help you " drift " gradually in the direction that you want to go.
For example, when I was at my lowest I made it a project to attend all the medical appointments that I needed to go to, to boost my mental and physical health. I became involved in the Men's Group and the Chess club at the local MIND ( The British mental health charity. ) centre.
Even if going to the nutritionist, haematologist, or psychiatrist was all I did in any given day, I felt I was moving gradually forward rather than back...
Also, another suggestion that my psychiatrist gave me...challenge your negative thinking. ( Yes, I know that's a cliche, but I've found that it is true )
Please, try to think of something about you that you like, is good, useful....etc. ( And DON'T tell me that you can't think of anything!!!! There is bound to be something, however small you might think it is. ) For example, when I was at my very worst I saw a BBC TV trailer for the mini-series Torchwood: Children Of Earth. Seeing that trailer, and feeling that I wanted to actually see that mini-series and find out what would happen in it, gave me another reason to hang on and survive, No matter how anxious, depressed and " broken " I might feel, I was still a geek!!!! That part of my personality, my " self " was still intact, still worked.
You say that you " hide up in house..playing games.." Do you mean computer games? If so that's more than I can do! These " modern " computer games baffle me! ( My idea of a cool, modern, up-to-date computer game is Asteroids! ) If you are playing computer games, doesn't that indicate that you're quite intelligent and comfortable with IT? Can you find something good about yourself and build on it? ( I'm SURE that you can, if you think about it. I haven't met anybody so far who is TOTALLY worthless. ( OK, Simon Cowell is debatable, but even he has found his niche! I have to admit I am SOOOOO not a fan of " reality television )
Seriously though, my feeling is that " recovery " isn't a vast Master-Plan, or some Mega Project, it's laying a firm foundation for a better life for the " you " that you want to be, by taking small, gradual steps a little at a time. Perhaps it's like completing a jisaw puzzle. If you put the right pieces together, no matter how large and complicated the puzzle may be, no matter how many pieces it may have, a picture WILL start to emerge...The picture of who you want to be and where you want to go...
Just a few thoughts, hope they help.... )

[EmmaliciouS]

Heya, thanks nice reply, made me giggle

Bloody dreadful day, urgh. Your post made me laugh though so that's something

Think maybe right about the gradual thing, i dunno, go in circles all day. Guess want progression immediately i suppose, though, it's been a year since it became a continual 24 hour 365 day a year solid unbreakable depression, was depressed a good 6 or so years on & off prior to that. Guess after more than half a dozen years i'm beyond frustrated with getting abso-friggin-lutely nowhere but negative places. Try and do little things in hope it makes for a better tomorrow but little things just get dwarfed, like, as you say try and build up gradually and things but just doesn't work. Don't even know where to start. Can set some pointless goals i'd never bother with, futile though. Not sure if can even imagine any gradual goals let alone physically do them. Suppose the obvious one is sell of my house and downsize, then get a job and a friend circle. But that's been the goal for a while just never goes anywhere. I dunno, can't even imagine anything. Just want everything better i suppose, if that's a goal, pretty standard though, my guess is everyone is after that too. Dunno. Meh.

Hmm.. well, i liked who i was, about two years ago. But that's as much as i can say positive about myself, but even so, i'm completely different from who i was before so i guess, current me there isn't anything i like about me. I mean, i contribute absolutely nothing to absolutely nobody, scrounge of the government because i'm abnormally stupid, i can use the scapegoat & say the reason i'm still unemployed is because of the economy.. truth is am a complete fool, devoid of a brain, idiocy is what prevents me getting employed and actually doing something productive as opposed to whinging and wailing all day or playing video games.
Which, heh nah doesn't really require any intelligence, kinda just whack buttons, not really along the IT lines and stuff, use consoles instead a PCs cos am not very good with tech, me with plugs and sockets gets super messy super quickly, heh ^^

Know i can find something good about myself to build on cos was happy with who i was two years ago, gotta be the same person still somewhere deep down, but current 'me' isn't anything good to build on. Am really REALLY hated by so many people, even people who used be my friends, just don't like it so hide away but people still hate on me, is like i become a figurehead that 'if you hate emma that makes you cool' or something, always having defend myself and i don't wanna cos i don't like who i'm defending.. shouldn't have to anyway but is my own fault being so argumentative, sense of humour is dead. Just wanna be me of a couple years ago but all those people who made it special are either dead or far away or now hate me, moved on with new identities and want nothing to do with me. Wanna get over all this garbage but brain is too screwy.

I will try harder to build a better foundation for happiness, i guess. Heh, no i won't but it sounds good, will inevitably go spend 3 hours watching tv and getting drunk, as per usual.
But yeah, i go look at looking at smaller feats to go acheive. Already failed it, but isn't like have anything else to do.

Thanks nice support, sorry such a pessimistic response, crap day and a rubbish week and a garbage month and wasteful year and all that stuff and etc and such. Appreciated though, sound ungrateful, not meaning to be, i dunno, just i dunno, blargh, if is even a word. Fed up i guess, hate life, such a pile of crap.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Sorry, not many computers available at my library today, so I'm afraid that this is going to be, ( Uncharacteristically? Mercifully short. ):

1. Re. positive things about you.....You are NOT " abnormally stupid ". I know because I was a volunteer helper at an Adult Literacy group for 12 years, ( A group aimed at helping people improve their literacy and numeracy skills. )
Your literacy skills, as demonstrated by your posts, prove that you are not " abnormally stupid ". ( An article in in The Observer newspaper estimated that 1 in 7 of the UK population have impaired literacy skills to the extent of not being able to read a train/'bus timetable or fill in a standard government form without assistance. ( They are NOT " abnormally stupid either, they are intelligent people who just haven't acquired the literacy skills most people have. ) Therefore if you are capable of accessing this site and composing and writing such posts as you have composed and written, you are obviously NOT " abnormally stupid
You mention that you " scrounge from the government ", well if you can understand the benefits system enough to get ANY money out of it you MUST be a f****** GENIUS never mind " abnormally stupid
I've worked for the government and claimed benefits from the government, and the former is easier
So, we've established the logical fact that you are in fact quite intelligent.
( PS You are right, the drinking is not a good idea, try not to drink alcohol. It interferes with your understanding of TV. Eg. Flashforward starts again on Monday, and I can barely keep up with that show sober!!!! )

[mamasam]

Have you just thought of "picking up shop" and just moving somewhere totally new?? I know alot of people say it's "running away" but F____ them......It's about making yourself feel better and if everyone hates you where you live, i say sell the house and get the h___ outta dodge! Get a plan together in your head, set your own standards and make a new life for yourself with new friends, new loves, new job, whatever...just do it
I wish you luck in all you strive for....

[me123]

You are the only person that can change your life. Start by taking baby steps. Everyday that you do something different to change your current situation is a day closer you are to being where you want to be. If you have the same routine everyday change something little. The block you walk down to get the morning paper. The store you go to buy dinner. The tv shows you watch. Anything... That i believe is the first step. If you keep doing the same things nothing will change for you. Have faith in yourself and believe you are worth every second of the day.