IVE BECOME ADDICTED TO CODEINE

[crystalgaze]

(((((((((((kenny))))))))))))))))))))))) Just a hug to you!

[xn728]

((((((((( and a great big hug back to you ONIKA)))))))))) wishing you feel ok today ,,girl ,,,have a good day hugs lots of love ken xxxx TC

[Mich]

I am still here....yes, a little quieter than usual but am working my way up to posting more. I hope you have a good day today. I am struggling with feeding myself but I am used to that struggle. You're in my thoughts.

[xn728]

(((((mich ))))) your so ill ,ive seen you post ,,yet you came and left me a message ,,thankyou so very much you are indeed a dear freind ,,,it breaks my heart to see you in so much pain ,,ive prayed to what ever dark beast gives us this pain ,,for it to pass yours to me ,,im strong and have done many things wrong ,,i deserve to pay for my sins ,,,so ive asked that your pain be given to me to carry for awhile so you may rest ,,im sorry i cant do more ,,,you must stay with us and take care,
hugs to you (((((((((mich)))))))),,feel the strentgh i send to you in my words ,,,,hugs love ken xxx

[Mich]

What a wonderful friend you are....I couldn't possibly have you carry some of my pain because you have far too much of your own. But, maybe if we each carry a bit of the others' that will help. I will carry some of yours as well. Light the candle tonight. I will be looking for the light.

[xn728]

((((((((((mich )))))))))) thankyou mich ,,,just stay safe ,,and we,ll make this journey together ,,,and i must tell you that candle is burning right now ,and its is lit everynight without fail ,,,hugs ((((mich ))))),,,,,lots of love ken xxx,,,,,,,

ILL UPDATE EVERYONE HERE ,,,OK THE CODEINE HAS BEEN TAKEN OFF ME AND REPLACED WITH TRAMADOL ,,,,I THINK WITHOUT MY CODIENE
IM GONNA BE REALLY CRANKY IN A COUPLE OF DAYS ,,im shaking like crazy now ,,,and im a little afraid ,,i wont cope ,,,but ive got to i cant tell mich to be strong and then throw a wobler myself can i ,,,no ,,,so my dear freinds ,,the dark one is giving us lots of trouble isnt it ,,but we must stick together ,,and keep reaching out ,,,you know i love you all so GOODNIGHT (((((EVERYBODY))))),,LET TOMMORROW BE A LITTLE BRIGHTER ,,HUGS LOVE KEN XXXXX

[Mich]

You are going through so much physically as well as emotionally. Stay as strong as you can and keep fighting. We are all here for you.

[xn728]

thanks (((((mich ))))),,,you must not worry about me ,,as i have said many times ,,i have to pay for my sins ,,and i like being the way i am ,
i thrive in the darkness ,,if i were to be well ,i wouldent be able to write the way i do ,,,i know i havent written much lately apart from a few basic thankyous ,,but ,i dont know ,,mich ,i just feel like i have fallen from grace somehow ,,probably just feeling bad that i havent replyed to more posts but ,,well just cant at present ,,but your words touch me mich and i will always light the candle and think of my freinds no matter witch world im in ,,,hugs (((((mich)))))),,lots of love ken

[Mich]

You certainly have not fallen from grace, my friend. I am going to try to post as much as I can in the state I am in. It's nighttime where you are and I am looking for the candle. Good night.

[xn728]

your so kind ((((((mich )))))),,today i feel very frightened ,,like something waits for me in the dark horizon ,,fran knows im really low ,,and she wont leave me alone ,,i know its love ,,and she just cares but i wish i could just be alone for a short while somewere dark ,,were no noise or light could reach me ,,i dont know who or what i am any more ,,its 1,38 pm here im going for a lie down in the bedroom ,,i dont do this very often and it will spook fran ,,but i must shut myself away or the visitor will take my human form and will be nasty and short tempered ,,so ill take some tramadol and have a couple of hrs sleep if i can ,,,oh to sleep and never be woken again im so tired and i feel very old ,,sometimes i just cant see how i can go on ,,,i hate the way i feel all the time ,,i see nothing good ahead for me ,,im sorry ,,,,,but i thank you for your kind words (((((mich)))) hugs love ken xx you take really good care now and yes you are a good girl keep fighting xxx

[Mich]

I'm okay with you laying down for awhile but please do not talk of not waking up. You will have your dark solitude and when you wake up your lovely Fran will be there for you. Please try to take some comfort in that fact that you have many who love you. I can see the candle now and I am trying to take in the light.

[xn728]

you take in that light (((((mich))))),,,only small but feel the warmth also ,,.
dont worry about about me ,,i just saying how i feel thats all ,,lets hope tommorrow is better for us mich ,,have a wish tonight ,the both of us ,,and wish for ourselves and our dear freinds to have a better day tommorrow ,,and if we want it badly enough maybe we will have it granted ,,and ill tell you what ,,lets try and post here tommorrow night and lets see how that day went ,,,truthfully good or bad ,,,your words always lift me mich ,,,please take care ,,if you went away i would miss them so very much ,,,,hugs ((((((((((mich)))))))))),,,,lots of love ken xxx

[xn728]

well (((((mich ))))) (((((everybody))))),,,i dont know how it was for you today but i did go out in the sun and i did feel the warmth again and it was nice ,,i have built onto the house ,,a little outhouse were the coal used to be kept ,,we had gas put in on the on set of frans lung trouble ,,so now thats my little shack i keep the scale models of motorcycles i build in there and a little music player and stuff ,,men like there sheds you know ,,lol,,,so i tidyed in there in the sunshine and it was nice ,,,,,the meds are not really effecting me in any strange ways the new pain killers seem ok ,,,but i still have the shakes from the codiene and i have a constantly runny nose witch is a trade mark of addiction ,,doc says it could be 2/3 weeks before im clear ,,,i hope your all ok stay safe and i will be thinking of you all ,,the candle will be lit in around now its 4pm ,,,didnt realise ,,,ok bye for now hugs (((((all /mich))))lots of love ken xxxxxxx

[xn728]

well everyone ,,its here and i thought i had gotten off lightly ,,the withdraw has arrived ive been up all night with terrible tingling in my hands and feet ,,,and i feel really down ,,,i can hardly walk i have that much pain in my joints ,,,dont worry ill be fine just telling you how it feels ,,hugs (((all))),,,lots of love ken xxx

[Mich]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I feel so helpless to do anything. Suffering both physical and emotional pain is so hard....I take comfort in the fact that Fran is there by your side, helping you through it.