Back from Hospital

[shatteredhopes]

It hurts me so much to hear of you hurting yourself. I am not judging, because I know the feeling of self-loathing that causes us to turn on ourselves when we are already hurting, its just because I care so much about you ((((((((((((Mich)))))))))) and wish you could instead find ways to comfort, nurture yourself that don't involve hurting yourself. Can you go to the drive through for cup of coffee? Can you try to eat two spoonfuls of peanut butter?

Whatever the case, I am thinking of you and rooting for both of us to have better days ahead. Please do when you can find out about group therapy, or check into volunteering. I think sometimes isolating can make the pain more intense...even though its soooo hard to socialize and be around people when we are in pain, something like group where you can share with others who suffer and support each other just like we do here, and something to help your self-esteem just a little bit might help you move away from hurting yourself a little more, I hope...

sending love and hugs....wishing you light and peace in your day...

[Mich]

Another day and my mind and body are filled with pain. The emotional torment is so much to bear. I am starving hungry but cannot eat. I am thirsty but cannot drink. I cannot take anything in right now. I cannot nurture myself in these ways. I know if I don't drink I will end up in a bad state so I may allow myself a teaspoon of water later. I just have no will to keep myself alive in these ways. It feels like an acceptable way to hurt myself...not as aggressive as overdosing. It is just a "giving up" type of action. I hurt so much. I am filled with so much anger and despair and it has nowhere to go except to eat away at me. I cannot share it with my family as it is too dark and they are not equipped to hear such things. Maybe the day will pass and I will acquire some will to continue but it is not present now.

[shatteredhopes]

While it may feel like a more passive way of hurting yourself, as you know, it is maybe even more dangerous...risking major organ failure like a heart attack which is often what kills anorexics. If you cannot eat and drink for yourself, can you somehow do it for your kids, who need and love their mother? If you cannot manage to eat, please tell your doctor and maybe go back to the hospital...this is slow suicide and is very risky. You could lower your blood sugar to the point you end up in a coma...when the body is stressed sometimes the muscles start to 'devour' themselves...you could lose your ability to walk, I know as this happened to me, although it was brief and I managed to get it back but maneuvering a wheelchair because my legs where collapsing underneath me was NO FUN...please ((((((((((((Mich)))))))))))))) I know it is hard, very hard, but we care about you and desperately want you to hang on...especially to give the therapy time to cleanse those horrific wounds of the past...I don't know what I would do without friends like you to encourage and support me. My mom loves me and I love her but she has no clue, and I would be crushed to lose you, as would others here...we need each other to hang on to, so maybe think about that too? You are needed here and you do so much good when you offer your support and ear and encouragement, you don't know how much that means to me and I am sure others too. So feel the love of the forum flowing through your computer, and maybe please eat and drink just a little for us? Your 'other' family that loves you?

[xn728]

Please my dear freind dont let yourself fade away to nothing ,,i cant bear to hear your pain and be here,and helpless to do anything for you ,,,why doesnt the darkness let you have a respite ,,and feel free from your torment just for a short while ,,,oh please the powers that be ,,pass this terrible thing that you put upon my freind mich and give it to me ,,i have done so much wrong in my life ,and deserve this pain ,,,let me carry this burden ,,and let my dear freind rest a while ,,,this i will do ,and i ask for nothing in return ,,just let her feel some peace and happiness ,so she may feel the warmth of the sun ,,,and some time with her family and the ones she loves so much ,,,,so sorry (((((mich))))),,,,i wish i could do more ,,stay safe ,,please be with us always ,,hugs ((((mich ))))),,,lots of love kenny xxxxx