Pain I'd Like to Throw Away

[crystalgaze]

Something happened today that made me aware again of the kind of world I live in today.

Are you ready for this? I was criticized for having hair on my chest & for "always smiling". & do you know who just who had so much to say? OTHER WOMEN.

I am almost always amazed at how petty some people can be.

The reason that I believe it was petty was the manner in which it was done. The lady did ask if she could make a suggestion to me & really, I am always open to that because I am not perfect & clumsy enough as a female.

I had no problem with her suggestion regarding my chest hair. (I was wearing a low neckline dress & I am so used to it being there that I forgot it makes people uncomfortable. ) She said that for work/professional setting, it could be distracting & that I wouldn't want people judging me (like not selecting me for a job due to it).

The thought never really crossed mind. If people don't want me, they don't want me; it will be their loss.

Well, you know me.... I asked her if I should shave my legs too--woman to woman--to see what she would say (since we could use the same argument). Of course, I was amazed when she said no for the legs (as they are under the table).

After I put her on the spot for it, she then said any thing that was visible.

I looked at her very carefully & believed she was lying about the legs. (I looked at her. She doesn't have hair on her legs to talk & make that kind of statement. Furthermore, she said any thing that was visible.... Are your legs not visible, especially if you wear a knee-length dress?)

~sigh~ Another black woman hating on me (a black woman as well)....

This was a hard situation to handle because the person who said it is someone I may end up working with in the future. I really was unsure of what to do.

Thing is this body hair of mine is probably part of a medical problem & men have not bothered me about it.... (In fact, I've been having to beat them away with a stick...!) Ah well...

At least, now I know who she is. That's okay. It is a note to me. I REALLY HAVE TO BE CAREFUL because next thing I know, she'll be having something to say about me being bald.... Oh, for the love of all things holy!

I have peeped her card.

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For the 2nd person (the receptionist who was Hispanic or light skinned black), on my way out, she said that I was always smiling. After the boss lady ragging on me about my chest hair, I really couldn't see that as a compliment, AND I KNOW IT WASN'T.

I simply asked her if I should frown. In my head, I was like, "What the hell?!"

From how I was ganged up on, I know some kind of discussion went on about me between those two. (The receptionist was very cold to me the time before, like she was mad I was there & had gotten work.)

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What an amazing day....! I got hated on because I

>>>am upbeat & feel good about myself;
>>>dress nicely than the 2 women combined who had so much to say
>>>smile & am smaller than both of the women (weigh less, look better but still curvy enough)
>>>am happy or at least try to be & try to bubble whenever I am in a room
>>>carry myself well for the most part
>>> am virtually unknown them & as such they don't really have any dirt on me [yet]

Boy, I didn't realize how mean SOME overweight people could be.... (for crying out loud!)

The skinny people I encountered today didn't bother me at all....

I haven't been attacked in years.... I pretty much forgot what it's like; I now have a reminder (as if I needed one)....

What a great case of people trying to rob me of my joy..... I will laugh at the 2 women because I know something is wrong with them.

The only problem IS: With people who stab me in the heart, I have a tendency to want to stab them back as well. It's a mighty scary feeling for me because I do have a side that would enjoy taking a real knife to their chests. I have to be careful & take care.

[shatteredhopes]

(((((((((crystal)))))))))))) awww, some women can be so mean and so judgemental of other women, and it is disgusting the way some judge our looks. Maybe the women thought they were helping you giving you advice that might help you get a job, but really, I always thought smiling and being pleasant was a good thing?

Anyway, what helps me sometimes not be so angry or upset is to imagine what it is about them that makes them so hateful. You said both women were overweight...I know there was a time when I was on a set of medications that made me obese and how I was treated by others as a result of my appearance, even though I was exercising and eating a sensible vegetarian diet...when I stopped the meds the weight flew off, for example, I lost 40 pounds in one month, but I realized how much the judgements hurt me, and how much I had previously judged overweight people...sometimes when people criticize or judge it reflects more about them and their character, or some deep hurt that causes them to lash out. You've heard the sayings hurt people hurt people, and when you point the finger you have the rest of your fingers pointing back at you?

Anyway, the forgiveness thing is something I am still struggling with...but often times imagining what makes them do or say such horrible things helps. What is wrong with these women's lives that they dare to attack you? Maybe you can learn to feel sorry for them, that they are so uncomfortable with their own bodies that they zero in on a little hair on someone else, or so darn unhappy they can't bear someone else's smile?
Beyond being superficial, I think some who are overly critical about other's appearance are deeply unhappy with themselves or dissatisfied with their lives...

Shaving depends more on certain cultures; in some cultures shaving is considered abnormal...and good for you that you have had a smile on your face much of the time lately! If they only knew the depression you had experienced like we do, it should be seen as PROGRESS!

Wishing you light and peace and calm in your day...

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Is it possible that they were so negative because they themselves are insecure about who they are? It's a sad thing that sometimes people like you've met might sometimes try to make themselves feel more confident and secure by making someone else feel less confident and secure.
However annoying some people might be, please try not to let their negativity and unfriendliness " rub off " on you. It's a hard lesson to learn, one I'm still working on, but harbouring negative feelings about another person will hurt you rather than them in the long run. My Grandmother once told me that you shouldn't sink to their level. And I try to remember that.
Was it Nelson Mandela who once said that hating someone was like taking poison yourself and then waiting for the other person to die? At any rate I'm wary of the self harm that negative feelings about other people can cause.
( Rising above negative feelings about other people is easier said than done, of course! But, you strike me as someone who is wise enough to listen to the " better angels " of your nature. )

[crystalgaze]

~lol~ Thanks everyone!

Yes, Tacking! My better angels come to the rescue a lot!

I have decided that I will not work with this boss lady. She will do every thing she can to take me with her, & I don't wish to go there.

She said she has an affinity for me.... but wow, what a way to show it?! My word!

The negativity that she spewed ended up making her sick.... (literally)

I really was irked... My 1st impulse was to harm her; I was so peeved. I refrained, but I am really glad I didn't have any thing in my hands. I was so tempted.

I've always said that I didn't want to go to jail for anyone. I'm glad I was able to keep my promise.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

In a roundabout way your better angels have come to my rescue in the past few days.
We're in the midst of an office reorganisation in our part of the building, so everyone is a bit busy and on edge. There was a time yesterday when I was feeling apprehensive and angry in a defensive sort of way. However, I was able to keep myself calm by reminding myself of what I said to you in my last post.
Having said that to you, I felt that I now had to practice what I preach, and listen to the better angels of my own nature by keeping hold of my own temper!
It's good of you that you were able to handle your situation with such poise and keep your own integrity. I do think of myself as a " people person ", I like people, as The Doctor once said: " I ike human beings, they're quite my favourite species! " However, I've reluctantly come to the conclusion that some individuals are best avoided. As Max Ehrman said: " Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are a vexation to the spirit. "

[crystalgaze]

they are a vexation to the spirit.....

So true! & wow.... jeez.... Glad you were able to control your anger... Just wow....