this is me

[iamsadagain]

Hello to all,
This is my absolute first time here, or anything like this. I am a 33 years old women with a whole lotta issues. mother of two kids, and stuck in a very unhappy marriage.
Physicially, I'm very unhealthy.... I weigh about 135lbs more than what I should weigh. I've always been overweight, but never this big. I have shortness of breath, and all sorts of body aches and pains. I over eat and have no activities at all. I have two beautiful kids, and when i think about them, i get more stressed... because I know that if something happened to me, there is NO ONE in this world that could take care of them the way that i can.
I've been depressed for years, and finally, for almost a year now, I'm on LEXAPRO. It has helped me with a lot of my hopelessness that I feel.. .but I feel as thought I can't seem to move on with my life. As though, I'm stuck in a rut that i can't overcome.
Emotionally, I feel alone almost all the time. I love my kids and they are the only ones that keep me going...
I'm married to someone that I dislike very much. I care for him, but I'm not in love with him. we haven't had sex for over 4 years now. I'm sure he hates me, and we're putting up with each other because of the kids. ( not the smartest decision.. i know.. ) two years ago, I came to a sad finding that my years of suspiscion was true... that he is GAY... I've never confronted him about it, because I know that he will never admit it to me.. I don't know if I'd feel so much better if he did admit that he was.
Lately, I've been really moody and sad... i feel as though things are slipping away from my control. Like I need to talk to someone.. and there is no one out there that could understand all this... so I thought I'd try here.. I have a lot of hard decisions ahead of me.. and I'm so scared.... not for me.. but for my kids. It hurts me so much to know that the actions i've taken and will take will influence so much of my kids and their happiness. No matter what I do from this point on... they will be affected. I wish that I could close my eyes, and just go to sleep... and wake up to 30 years ago.... where things were much more simple..

[xn728]

hi there my freind ,i sorry to hear of your problems ,,now im not going to comment on those at present ,but i just want to say welcome to the forum
i dont understand about marrage problems and stuff but i do know about depression .and the way it makes us feel ,,im sure your going to find lots of support here ,,there may be people who have simaler problems in
marrage,and they may share their storys ,,we are a great family here and
we understand the pain you are going thru ,,it always helps to talk and you can do that with confidence here we will not judge you but we will listen and try and support you with kindness and careing ,,so welcome
to the forum and i hope you find what your looking for ,,this is a long road we travel together ,but if you should stumble .we will reach out and catch your fall ,,welcome home .iamsadagain hugs xn728