Unbelievably Shy & Bashful

[crystalgaze]

Well... I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this one, but I figured I would throw it out there.....

For the life of me, I can't understand why I get so shy, stunned, bashful, &/or ultra-reserved (like I go in a corner/Jerry's mouse hole & don't ever want to come out), especially around people I like or don't exactly feel comfortable around or in situations where I am vulnerable.

Intimacy is even very hard, even when fully-clothed....

(Jerry is the brown mouse in Tom & Jerry, the cartoon/animation....)

I am not often able to express myself properly, if it starts. Does any one have any ideas on how to beat this?

[darklight32]

well, i have the same problem, just don't think what your gonna do, just do it.

[crystalgaze]

You know.... You probably have a point! I do tend to think a lot!

Woo! Thanks for responding!

[crystalgaze]

This seems to come in waves/phases.... I feel okay now.... Let's see how long I can keep with it!

[darklight32]

yeah, well i could change but whhyyy..... i'm good

[Misty]

(((Crystalgaze)))
This is just a guess...could it be that you are afraid of revealing yourself at this point in your life? Scared that if you do they will automatically turn away when they find out you are going through something they don't want to be a part of? I say this because that is how it is with me. The idiots that do that are not worth your time anyway. You did not choose to feel like this and that is why we are here to support each other and "understand".

Take Care,
Misty

[crystalgaze]

You know, Misty probably I am afraid. The thing is: I already told him, but he said he didn't think any thing was wrong.

He's seen some of my sides... I told him again recently in a letter (since I couldn't seem to verbalize my thoughts at the time). He often knows what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it, especially if he sees me in person--sees my face, look me in the eyes.... (kinda frightening) Maybe I have a look that gives away what I'm thinking/feeling; I dah know.

I do not reveal every every thing because the darkness I sometimes experience--& a lot of us on the forum probably do--feels like a black hole or vortex that will suck others into it. (in a sort of misery-likes- company-way...) Also, sometimes it's like the darkness I feel gives a false alarm. (e.g. I will take a nap & feel relatively okay/like the self I want to be)

[Misty]

Crystalgaze,
Our lives can change on a dime and it is especially so when one has too much to cope with at once. You are doing the best you can and if you have someone that is willing to be with you 'as you are' now and if that is what you want then you have all the more reason to dig your heels in and fight these negative and awful emotions. I know everything is easy when said but it is true. For anything good in life we have to do something in return to reach a balance. I hope this makes sense. There is no one answer for any one person. Please pm me anytime if you don't want to post here.

Hugs if you need some,
Misty

[darklight32]

Well, i don't know what to do when it comes to feelings, i just think it, and yes there's a bunch of people with negatives feelings over here, i'm afraid of showing my self, true self to the others.....

Saying it is easy but doing it is hard.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

I have to admit that I have the same problem. I find it very hard to " let people in ", as I'm scared that if they get to know the " real me " with all my issues they might also turn away.
Although, I think that perhaps sometimes we're too conscious of our own " dark sides ", perhaps we have to focus so much on coping and managing our depression, anxiety etc, that we lose sight of our " light sides" as it were. For all my issues, I still believe that there is more of light to me as a human being than there is of darkness. Is is possible that perhaps sometimes it's easier for some other individual to see that there is more light than darkness in us, than it is for us to see this ourselves?
Just a thought........

[crystalgaze]

Possibly so Tacking... My "light" sides tend to get lost in the shuffle when coping with every thing & trying to contain my "dark" sides, so they do not harm myself and others. Besides that, depending on what side comes out, I may not be able to recover myself easily (to put myself back into the foreground) & THAT IS THE SCARIEST THING OF ALL!

The constant self-monitoring is a pressure in itself. A necessary evil/stressor, I guess?

I got to thinking & I know why I'm shy.... Well... I haven't had a lot of partners (by choice).... I'm 25 going on 26 & it's been less than 5 partners for me whole life.... (I'm not usually with any one.) It hit my like a "Well... Duh...."

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Sometimes, I also feel like I'm being " swept away " by panic, fear and despair, almost as if I was a frightened child in the dark. However, somebody once told me something very useful about times like this. They said that when you're trying to calm yourself and curb your panic and anxiety, you shouldn't try to FORCE yourself to relax, you should ALLOW yourself to relax. If you struggle to relax, then " achieving " relaxation becomes one more thing to stress and panic about. But, if you ALLOW yourself to relax, then it will happen naturally. Remembering this often helps me to put a brake on an anxiety attack.
Also, reading your posts, my instincts are that you are at root, notwithstanding your " dark side ", a good person. That being true, as I believe it is, I think that you will always return to your " light side " eventually. Because that " light side " is who you truly are, your own personal " default " setting as it were.
I hope all this doesn't sound too " pseudo-profound " !
As far as how many partners any may have had, I would say that QUALITY is more important than QUANTITY. The fact that you may have had relatively few partners doesn't mean that you can't find someone special.
Take care of yourself!

[crystalgaze]

Yup! you sure got that right! Quality IS better than quantity! Oh yeah!

I will try to think of it differently.

ALLOW is probably pretty on point.... I am almost always holding my body tense--all day long (jeez)... It even hurts my back, neck & shoulders at times.... When I get aware of it, I try to loosen up a bit, though.