the pain is unbearable!!

[seniorDi]

I lost everything.........4 yrs ago I lost my job of 16 yrs, then moved in with one with my oldest daughter, I enjoyed babysitting my grandson but needed to get my own place when I got my severence amount, and I did which upset my daughter.

But to my horror, was not able to find another job, which I learn my age was a liability. During these 4 yrs, I lost everything........savings, everything to survive.

I had to once again move in with my oldest, then my depression got worse, I was taking care of my grandson putting up a happy face was very difficult for me. Then decided to move to another town, to my youngest daughter who is also married to find employment. My oldest was angry and we had a few words, then I realized she was controlling me which I did not see before.

WHen I arrived at my youngest, I received a email from my oldest, I was toxic to her family etc.... which I do agree depression is toxic but it did hurt to hear that word from her.

Then the worse happen, when my oldest came up at Xmas to visit her sister, stayed at a motel, made arrangements to go out for their Xmas dinner, then exhange gifts at the motel and spend the day together.

Which I was not invited, that day was the most difficult day in my life, the pain was difficult to handle being left alone while my 2 daughters were celebrating Xmas with my 2 grandchildren.

I did not handle this well, and left to stay at a motel with the last of my money because I could not bare the pain.

Here I was with nothing & homeless and in pain, then I knew I could not do it alone. I emailed my oldest and begged her to help me, I had no place to stay and asked her to help me seek help for my depression.

I thought the pain I was feeling could not get worse, but it did because she said "NO" I helped you twice before and does not want anything to do with me. And my youngest same words..........

I am over 60, homeless & in so much pain, I walk around like a zombie it hurts when I breath. I can't beleive my 2 daughters shut their doors on me .

I never drank, I had 2 priority in my life, my career to support my girls. Did not go out very much, I was content taking care of my girls.

I am so confused & in pain.... I don't understand!!!!!

[xn728]

im sorry my dear freind ,,its hard to understand ,why we suffer so ,i dont have any answers for you so turn away if you feel im wasting your time ,
but as i have found ,life is very cruel ,and it makes familys do these things its the same thing ,a million times over ,,all around the world ,,life
deals differant cards to everyone ,,,some have loved ones taken away ,,
like myself ,i destroyed my family ,,your family turn there back on you ,
i can only offer you words ,,i dont what things are like were you live ,,here in england there are shelters for the homeless ,,and the local
councils provide some shelters ,,pherhaps you could get this in your country ,,i dont know ,,i can only say i will be thinking of you in this terrible posittion ,,and wish for a change and something good to happen for you ,,you sound like a fighter ,,you must fight on ,and get over this awful set of circumstanses ,,get back on your feet my freind ,,if i could do anymore i would ,,i would carry your burden so you could rest a while
this is a long dark road we travel ,,,,dont feel alone ,,if you call out ,,,
i will call back ,,so you know im here in that darkness with you ,,,,,
so very sorry ,,,,hugs ken xxx