Hello.

[aim]

Ken... glad you posted, been thinking of you and hoping that all is ok with ya! Hopefully your body will get used to the meds soon, and you can get back up there...flying the blue skies.

a5- totally get the computer frustration thing - God do I! Sometimes at work I could seriously throw the computer out the window. How can we get so angry at innatomate objects, anyway???

It's starting to warm up here in NJ too, and my dog is NOT LIKING IT ONE BIT! She is so lazy in this weather that I feel bad for my usually hyperactive Husky. Looks like the air conditioning will be running full blast this summer.

Dazed... hope everything is ok, and hope to hear from you again soon. You are not forgotten on here - we would all love to see a post from you soon!

[xn728]

hope your ok amy ,how you feeling ,alright i hope ,im feeling a bit devilliss
and im amused by it ,after all i am the devil ,have you been to aurelias
new place yet ,we met there earlier , shes gonna answer everyone there
so she doesnt get lost ,good idea i thought ,will see you later best wishes and good night KEN ,,,,,,,

[Aurelia5]

Amy~

I found that letter I wanted you to see. You probably saw it already - I seem to be the only person on here who gets lost.

It's in Me and my story, pg1 . About you in sales. You're waaaaay to nice to be in an abusive enviornment.

a5

[dazed&confused]

hello again my friends ... i'm sorry that it has been "forever" since i have logged in to say hi ... there's been so much happen & i just had to get out of my own head for a while, it got to be too much. i'm afraid some days that it is still too much, but i have no choice but to roll with my punches and deal

i so hope all of you are doing well and have a beautifully bright smile on your angelic faces this evening ... if you don't ... please allow me to offer my shoulder and the biggest heart felt hug you've ever had! thank you sooooooooo MUCH for making me feel even remotely understood and loved ... it's a sensation that i, unfortuantely, do not feel very often, thank you. i promise, i will not "disappear" on y'all again ... take care ...

[Monty]

Good to see that you are back Dazed.

It is so unfortunate that so many of us don't have the feelings of being understood and loved outside of this forum.

Glad that you are planning to stick around and am looking forward to hear how your battles have been going.

Take care

[xn728]

HEY welcome back my freind as you say its been a while ,hope your feeling not to bad ,good to hear you talking agian ,,lots of new people here all very nice ,,pull up a chair by the fire ,,and feel the warmth of the
forum once more ,,,,welcome home dazed,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hugs ken

[dazed&confused]

thank you monty & ken soooooooooooo so much for the warm welcome back! you have made me feel like i've walked into my mother's house during the holidays ... it's made me want to cry a little ...

the past couple of days have been really rough ... but to understand some, i have to take you back to july ... when my husband decided it was "best" for me to move back home. what a joke ... i was better off where we were because now at every turn i'm faced with the demons that plague me this is where "it" all began with the death of my brother some 20 odd years ago, when i was 12 ... then all the females that my husband messed around with before we were married ... one actually had the nerve to come to my house two nights ago ... drunker than cooter brown ... trying her best to apologize to me, but all i wanted ... actually WANTED to do was punch her in the face but i didn't ... i was a lady, afterall, i have three beautiful little girls who look up to me and wouldn't understand why i was beating the hell out of their friend and thats whats killing me right now ... my babies have noooooooooo idea ... about any of it they took one look at her and now they want her over here all the time, they've missed her soooooooo much and i cant bring myself to tell them why its best that she doesnt (the girl WAS a CLOSE friend when she tried to lay down with him ) i so dont know what to do!! i am feeling angry ... extremely angry and hurt and like the scab has been ripped off of a gaping wound and i cant make it stop bleeding this time the husband is out of town again for work ... i just got back from taking the kiddos to their mawmaws and now here i sit ... completely and utterly alone ... the way i feel all the time ... i don't drink or self medicate ... but i'm thinking i will tonight ... if for no other reason than to be able to actually get some sleep ... God, i miss sleeping ... i feel like i could sleep for a month of sundays and still be able to go right back to dream world ... at least there i can change what's happening ...

[dazed&confused]

^^^ sorry to end so abruptly i got interupted by an intervention of sorts ... my three oldest & dearest friends "heard" i was having a rough time and came to rescue me from myself ... we talked and laughed and for a while, i actually had a *real* smile on my face but as i sit here, once again by myself ... i feel the sadness creeping back in ... distractions are nice, but like everything else they must come to an end at some point ... right? *sigh* i guess it's time to toss and turn to avoid the nightmares now ... i was left a xanex (sp?) to help me sleep, but i'm not so sure about taking a med that was not prescribed to me blah ... i really wish i could get a doctor to take a second look at me i've gone from not sleeping to not sleeping and not eating as well my mind races and food just doesnt even look good to me anymore ... my physical health is beginning to suffer ... maybe i will try again monday morning to find another doctor to talk to ... ???? ... i will let you know how it goes ...

til then, i pray that you all have a great weekend ... full of nothing but happiness, security and love peace be with you my friends ....

[xn728]

hi there dazed just wanted to say hello ,and i hope your weekend is ok ,
ive just got in from work and im very cold bbrrrrrr,listen good to have you back ,take care dont feel alone my freind ,we are all around you ,
dont be a stranger hugs xn728 ,,,,ken

[hollyann]

((((((((Dazed)))))))))) I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time right now. It's always hard going back to a place where the things we've been through have hurt us. And shaped our out look, but sometimes going back can help us heal. Are you in any form of counseling? I'd say finding another doc is a good idea, you need to find someone who will listen to you. Its never a good idea to make a medicine that doesn't belong to you, or not perscribed to you. There could be side affects or sometimes it can cause things to be worse. Doctors have a good idea usually which will work for someone and won't. I wish you the best of luck.

hollyann

[Monty]

Dazed,

It is good that you had some friends that came by, that could make you smile. In some way that can give you some hope, you know that you can still smile, in spite of all the cr*p you are enduring.

I would strongly echo hollyann's opinion of "don't take any meds that aren't prescribed for you". I am sure that you friend thought that they were doing you a favor but there is a reason that doctor's are the one's that write presciptions. No every med, is meant for every person.

I know that the insomnia thing can almost drive a person around the end. I have had the problem for many years. Whenever someone says that they had a poor night's sleep and that they are grumpy that day, I just kind of look at them and wonder how they would feel if the insomnia would last for years.

The doctor's tried every med they could to get me to sleep. Part of the reason was because I also suffer from racing thoughts. I can just not turn off my brain. Over the years sometimes it has worked to turn the radio on when I go to sleep, hoping that the white noise will stop the thoughts.

I know that there are many on the site that don't agree with going to med route. For the first 24 years of my life I was told that God should be able to heal me and that medication was verbotten.

It just got to the point that I had no other choice. Yes some night I get the six hours that I figure is required for me to get a good night's sleep.
Otherwise I spend a lot of time just listening to the radio. I know that some say that it too much stimulation but for me it sometimes stops the thoughts.