Personality Changes

[crystalgaze]

Well... I told myself I would try to describe what's been happening....

One thing that is strange is how I withdraw from just about every thing & every one. It's strange but not entirely so... That's my norm actually.
However, the withdrawals lately have been stronger than usual...

Okay... Here's my descriptor...

You see those smoke/fog machines they use in movies? Well, it's like floating freely for a bit & then some one or thing using a really powerful vacuum to suck up all the fog.

If I describe in terms of spirit & body... well... it's like my spirit reaches out but something pulls me back (like a leash/rope/chain), so I'm trapped/stuck & can't seem to free myself.... Then I ask myself (like a child), "Now, why can't I go over there? I wanna go over there!"

It makes me wonder if it isn't something I created... (but then as always, for what purpose??? & why would I want to imprison myself & to the point that I wouldn't be able to get out of my own cage? Am I punishing myself for something? I don't have an answer yet...)

xD Oh dear... This sounds odd even to my ears.... Well, I tried...

[shatteredhopes]

I don't know about you but for me, I want to take risks and know I should, but so fear being hurt I withdraw...sounds similar to what you are experiencing, maybe? Or maybe you are just at a place where you are trying to figure some things out and are more reserved...I dunno.

But sending light and sisterly love your way...

[dandelion]

(((((((((((((((( crys ))))))))))))))))))))

Just thought you needed a hug, so now im giving you a special dandelion hug

love
dandelion

[darklight32]

Curious is always a problem,it's like your playing with the fire and you get burned and you stick with the pain, not going forward. As for personality change, I have two sides such as the good and the , guess what, it tempts me, luckily I don't fall for traps, meaning your in control of you. Also you trick yourself for amusement or whatever, it's all in your mind. As for spirit body, i've encountered something wicked but it's just provoking that's all.

[crystalgaze]

The personality changes are still very real.... I am hanging in there. They are a bit rough at times. One day soon, I will sit down & try to sort it out + find a counter measure for them.

I'm not there yet, but I can still try.

[crystalgaze]

I had a very visible personality change on the forum in the last few days. Sorry about that! (D'oh!)

That was probably the worse it's been! That career fair just threw me out the window... I had no idea what to expect & that drove me up the wall!


Edit: Let me go back & explain properly. I have been on edge about 3 things lately & coping is a bit tougher than usual.

#1: The earthquake in Haiti... I probably did not say it, but we felt the tremors over here. Stuff fell over in the house. We were on a tsunami watch even (which is relatively unheard of in these parts).

#2: I am bleeding but it is not my menses. It worries the crap out of me. It happened to one of my aunts recently & she had to have a hysterectomy for it. (Hers was more severe than mine, though...)

It is not too intrusive, but it is there. I am on my way to the doctor. The office only opens on certain days, so I have to wait just a little while longer...

Update: I think I know what is wrong & it shouldn't be TOO serious! (Hooray!) What a scare! I will still go to the doctor, just to make sure I'm right!

Update #2: I did some reading & where I think the problem lies could also explain why my periods can be off--but only the doc will be able to tell me. (I'm not so sure because that would mean my other doctor missed it all these years....??? )

#3 My moods (of course)

They have become a lot more pronounced, persistent & severe. I don't know if I'm just going through a rough patch right now or what.

Update: This is the 2nd time I am noticing it, but when I take a nap, I feel a WHOLE LOT better! & so it will usually clear up in the span of a day or a few hours.

[crystalgaze]

One is coming or already here. I'm not sure where I'll end up with this one. At least... I don't feel the world will end. : )

I'm so glad about that...

[crystalgaze]

The bleeding was a false alarm. It's nothing serious at the moment.

[crystalgaze]

I feel like I'm about to have another personality change....

I've noticed I am feeling more aggressive lately & I almost can't help it...


Aside: I do wish that dang rooster in the bush near my window would shut its beak so I can get some sleep....

[crystalgaze]

Something happened, I think. I seem to be a different person. The change was very silent in nature. Something is amiss perhaps. I feel stronger, maybe even a bit annoyed/cruel; my mood is neither one of sadness nor depression per se.

Maybe I feel a bit alone....

I could say that I feel like something is wrong or off some place but I honestly don't know. It feels like years ago when I started on my path to S.... It is a bit surprising.

The silence is something else & no one could be the wiser. It's just like the time in the past. However, I do not feel like invoking it.

[xn728]

You are not alone angel ,everyone here always looks for crystalgaze ,and when shes a little subdued we always miss her ,but you can never feel alone or be alone ,,,no ,not possible ,i know your feeling a little strange for whatever reason ,but you must remain here with us, we miss you so much ,and wondering and worrying about you is not a good way to pass the time ,,will do it if i have to though ,just know this this (((((onika)))))
i know your not feeling good ,by the words that you havent written ,and when your name is ,nt visible then i look around to see when you were last here ,and if its been awhile then i talk to you even though your not here because i know very well what it means to see kind words ,on returning to the forum ,
after a period of absense ,but youve been here ,today im glad to see ,
so im here just to say hello ,as you did for me ,i hope to see you soon but for now hugs (((((onika))))),,,lots of love ken xxxx

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Ken!

I am working with it.... I know I haven't been sleeping or eating properly lately.... A tad stressed out.... I try not to be, but I am anyway.... I can simply hope to improve is all!


((((((((((((((( Ken ))))))))))))))))))

[crystalgaze]

Well... This is seeming to be more pronounced lately. It's a strange situation. Something feels wrong & then everything feels fine.

[crystalgaze]

This only started to happen to me recently again. It was a sign of side effects from a medicine I was taking.

I seem to be okay now. There are ups & downs, but they seem normal & I have been bouncing back pretty well. (My resilience is up.)