I know what you feel

[xn728]

we,ll were nearly at the day lots of us have dreaded ,weve worried and
felt ill ,and alone ,frightened and confused,its knotted our tummys and
made us feel sick inside ,recognise all these feelings and more dont you
my dear freinds ,you see now how we feel the same pain ,how could you
feel alone ,when a thosand voices all cry out together ,as the visitor and its cohorts try to trample our souls and compound our feelings till they are nothing more than dust ,it waits to see them blown away in the winds
of time ,were are you now ,playing the role of wife, mother ,wearing the
mask of happiness while you play the role expected of you ,or husband
and father like myself ,but inside you hang on to your thoughts and shut
out the whispers of the demon that has made its home inside your mind
or you may be laid somewere dark and lonely unable to cope with the
tasks ,that are awaiting you ,,but do you see how ,does ken know all these things ,he,s thoasands of miles away ,,,youve read my words ive
felt all these things you may feel now ,,oh many times ive fallen and laid
alone cold and without care ,drifted into a haunted sleep ,walked with russ
talk with my god ,,woken from that strange slumber to find ,a warrior at
my side ,who has shown such bravery and strentgh ,ive seen him stand face to face with the visitor and drive it back ,so i may stand and regain my strentgh ,and here i am now ,talking to you even as i speak i cry inside because i know your absence may mean it has you in its grip ,
were do i get my strength you may ask ,,we,ll from my wife who needs me to be her staff to hold on to when she grasps for that air she longs to breath ,from my two lovely girls whom ive brought up to be clever and kind and funny ,like i once was ,,,and then along came the forum ,and one
by one i met new freinds ,i came here looking for answers ,and now i can only think of trying somehow to reach each and every one of you ,
so you know even when it seems theres no end in sight ,the darkness will
clear one day ,and you may only get glimpses at first ,things you think
you saw ,or feelings you may have lost ,but just for a breif moment that
warm feeling returns ,and then after a few days you realise maybe you dont feel so bad ,a little hope ,like i have now ,i think this cant last ,but you know while its here ,im using it up and wearing it out ,how many times have i wanted to be alone ,i do get comfort from withdrawing when i feel bad ,so you see i know what your feeling ,,i cant offer you anything other than the knowledge that we all have a simaler pain ,and that you must never feel alone ,we must all stay together ,we all have warriors within us ,we just need to find them ,just call out and someone will hear you ,read those words that we send each other ,carry them with you at all times ,your all here with me now ,and were ever you are right now in this world we are with you ,,my dear freinds,any thing you ask of me ,
i will grant it no question ,i will fight for you ,i will bleed for you and i will
win for you ,because as i sit here now ,i can see a great army of warriors
and that is you my dear freinds ,you have all lifted me from the dust of battle many times and i will never let you down ,,,,,thankyou the holiday will be over soon and i hope those of you who suffer ,will regain your strentgh ,stay safe ,and strong
,,love and hugs to my dear freinds everybody,,,,,ken

Aim, dandelion,a5,lisa,mich,shatteredhopes,hanging on,monty,blueisgreen,crystalgaze,crybaby,warmie girl.Deepeyes
all my dear freinds, ,,,,goodnight ,,,,,,,,ken

[blueisgreen]

wow Ken. Thank you for that. Sweet dreams now.

[xn728]

you will be alright blueisgreen ,there is something out there for us i know
be safe ,and keep posting ,ill do my best to help you find it ,,,,,hugs ken

[xn728]

BLESS YOU ALL MY DEAR FREINDS MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU ALL TODAY ,I CAN FEEL THE WARMTH OF THE FORUM ALL AROUND ME AND MY FAMILY THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH ,FOR YOUR SUPPORT THROUGH OUT
THE YEAR ,,,,,,HUGS KEN ,,STAY SAFE

Aim, dandelion,a5,lisa,mich,shatteredhopes,hanging on,monty,blueisgreen,crystalgaze,crybaby,warmie girl.Deepeyes
all my dear freinds, ,,,,goodnight ,,,,,,,,ken EVERYONE LOVE ,,KEN

[xn728]

JUST LETTING YOU KNOW ,all pressys open now ,,were getting on with the dinner and stuff ,,my freinds i snook off to the bedroom today ,after opening the presents and had a few tears ,but no tears of pain ,i cryed with joy that i had been given the gift of feeling happy today ,,,,,
just keeping in touch ,hope your all ok ,sending some ,happiness to my freinds today ,they deserve it also ,,,,,,,,,,,bless you all my dear freinds
lots of love ,,Fran ,,ken and the girls ,,,,,,hugs ,,,,,,
hope to talk again later

[xn728]

Im sorry my dear freinds but i have to tell you today was a wonderful day
i have felt great ,and i have been geuinely happy ,the mask of happiness
i did not have to wear ,and the visitor has stayed in the shadows ,,i tell you this not to mock those of you who i know are poorly at the moment
but to share this happiness with you ,as i share my pain ,,,,today is nearly
over but i still have plenty to look forward to ,,,yes i look forward to my freinds returning to the forum when they feel able ,and i will wait ,with
eager anticipation to hear your words once more ,so for now ,stay safe
my freinds ,i shall be here ,ready in this warm place ,,and when i see your words appear ,i shall run through this electronic world of love and kindness ,and greet you with arms outstrecthed ,and i will feel happy to know you have been safe ,,,,,,,,hugs to all my (((((dear freinds))))),,,KEN

[lisalou]

dear ken, it's wonderful news to hear that your christmas has been a happy one, it's made my christmas complete!!

love lisa x

[xn728]

heeeyyyyyy lisa great to here from you ,,,thanks ,and you had a nice day day also ,ive read your post ,,i wished me and fran good walk somewere like that it must have been so romantic ,good on you lisa ,,,,
gonna go now lisa so tired ,,,,,stay safe ,,see you soon lisa
love to you and mark ,,,,,hugs ,,ken

[xn728]

Ive only one worry now ,i fear the visitor is playing with me ,the emotions i had thought i had lost for ever ,have returned to me ,everyday i feel stronger ,and have thoughts and feelings ,i havent had for so long im having to learn to use them again, after so long in the darkness of this long journey i have made i must question why ,what has happened ,
surely i cannot be granted that wish of good health ive searhed for so long ,this must be a dream ,posting to my freinds each day ,waking up feeling happy ,doing things with fran and the girls and feeling joy in this
strange world of light i find myself in ,,the dark visitor is not visible to me
but i know its with me ,waiting silently ,picking the moment to appear before me and grip me ,in such a way my bones will turn to dust ,and be scattered once more around the he.ll ive lived in for so long ,whatever happens i will have the memorys ,to help me go forwards into the new coming year ,,my aim if i can is to help my freinds as much as i can .
ive had my ups and downs here ,but ive had so much kindness ,and caring ,and guideance from you my dear freinds ,i feel at peace here and
good things can only happen ,it just seems to have a become clear for me ,i dont gloat of course i love you all ,and only wish to share how im feeling good or bad ,,tommorrow i may back in the hands of the visitor
,but i must not let the visitor go ,it must stay with me even if i stay feeling good ,i cannot and will not let it go and take another poor soul ,no one
must feel the pain and torment i have suffered ,,,,,,
ok you guys ,please stay safe ,never give up tons of love ,,,kenxxxx

[Mich]

I am so happy to read you had a joyous Christmas. What a wonderful gift! I am so glad you had relief from the darkness on this day.

[lisalou]

I think it's wonderful that you are feeling so good lately ken, don't question it too much, just enjoy some well-earned happiness, remember - don't worry so much about today that you can't enjoy tomorrow

[xn728]

thanks lisa and mich ,im not worrying to much ,but its in the back of my mind ,i think if the visitor takes me home now it would kill me ,to lose these fellings ,,,hope your both ok ,,stay strong my dear freinds
hugs xxxx ken

[xn728]

YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH another day under our belts ,you feeling ok everyone ,ive missed you my absent freinds i look forward to us getting together again soon ,i keep the fire stoked up so the forum is warm for your return ,i bet you all think ive flipped my lid dont you lol .this is my way of dealing with this hand ive been dealt ,but it works dont it ,because
i care for everyone so much ,i even think about the poor souls who havent found us here ,so i come and talk to you all anyway ,some of you look and dont feel like talking thats fine ,maybe just knowing im here
talking to you helps ,or maybe you just wanna shout shut uuuupppp,ken
thats ok to ,but i dont mean to be a pain in the but ,i do it because it helps
me to get along to ,so here goes my dear freinds ,,stay safe and sleep
well ,and the warmth of the forum and the kind words of your dear freinds ,will cover and protect you from the darkness that trys so hard to
make us feel bad things bless you all lots of hugs ,,ken xxxxGOODNIGHT


Aim, dandelion,a5,lisa,mich,shatteredhopes,hanging on,monty,blueisgreen,crystalgaze,crybaby,warmie girl.Deepeyes
all my dear freinds, ,,,,goodnight ,,,,,,,,ken

[xn728]

hello every body how are you all today ,bank holidays ,not good for me
ive been very bored tryed to keep busy but it has been to COLD to do much outside ,the visitor has been at my side im still feeling happy but also a little low at the same time ,,any how just now things are ok ,how has your day been anything to report ,be out walking ,had any snow or rain ,shops are crazy with all the sales ,,why dont people understand this is just last years rubbish from the back room lol ,
the new year will be here soon the last big hurddle for us all ,im working in the shop on new years eve ,,and then ill be here talking to myself lol
anyhow i hope to hear your vioce soon i hope yur safe and well my dear freinds until later ,,,,,hugs ken