Drifting Away ,,,,

[xn728]

Im just going to lay here now ,and drift on this raft i call my life
floating on this dark dead sea ,the serpents show themselves just now and then
like sharks waiting for a tired limb to fall into the water ,then thrusting forward
to take down there weary victim ,but you know i think i,ll just gently lower myself
into the dark abyss,why prolong the wait .The visitor stands and looks down on me.
Maybe if i hold out my hand it would embrace me ,just to be held and understood even
by this cold sentinal maybe i would feel some warmth from the only thing in this
world that understands my pain ,it does know this that i do know ,My daily struggles
with Fran ,listening to her lungs crying out for help as they fight for the air she
needs to live ,the fear and pain in her eyes as the next panic attack take hold of her
and throws all logic out her mind ,The way she snaps and barks at me when she,s having
a bad episode,shouting at me for being to close to another car ,or braking to late
while were trying to go out shopping ,all caused by the panic ,but still my heart breaks
a little more everytime ,I have to put up with a lot ,and i really thought if i could
write down how i really felt ,the phychartrist would have helped me ,and now i cant cope
with todays rejection ,i dont say this lightly but i really have never felt so baron
and desolate,im sorry but i think i,ll take that swim now !....................KEN


Aim, dandelion,a5,lisa,mich,shatteredhopes,hanging on,monty,blueisgreen,crystalgaze,crybaby,warmie girl.Deepeyes
all my dear freinds, ,,,,goodnight ,,,,,,,,ken

[crybaby1086]

Ken we are all at you beck and call. Anything you need just pour it out here and someone will be here to answer you. So now just lay back and relax and feel the motion of the water as you drift into a nice relaxing sleep. That is kind of a nice thought actually. I may use that to help myself sleep tonight.

[xn728]

ive been in the sea of darkness for more than 12 hours now ,and the thing that kept me afloat has now vanished into the horizon ,these dark
waters are cold and consuming ,i feel the serpents brush against my skin
as they circle and taunt me ,i have breathed in this filth ,that life has given me for so long ,how many times have i tryed to make a stand ,and
each time ,ive been turned away ,well i wont hold out my hands anymore
they are sore from being bitten ,and i wont tread water anymore either
in this sea of darkness ,i refuse to let my misery foul your lives any more
so now i will be still ,and the waves will cover my face as i close my eyes
so as not to see the creatures that await me as i drift into this dark abyss
that has become my life slowly but silently ,sorry

[Mich]

I am so mad at that psychiatrist.
Please don't drift away. Hang on and stay with your friends who want to support you.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

As far as I'm concerned Dylan Thomas nailed it when he said: " Do NOT go gently into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. "
There is support here for you, just as you give support to others.
Do please hold on, even if it's only stumbling on head down, face forward. As we say in this part of the world........

[lisalou]

dear ken, drift if you need to rest but don't let yourself be washed away. I'm really sorry that seeing that psychiatrist made you feel so hopeless but all is not lost, as i said before there are always alternative means of help and support, don't give up on yourself when we would never give up on you............

[xn728]

your messages warm me my dear freinds ,and i can see a little more clearly now ,im making my way back to the shore as i speak ,
the dark sea of my depression will not have me today ,,your caring words
mean so much to me ,,later my freinds thankyou (((((all))))) ,,,,,,ken

[xn728]

i was still a bit down last night ,but i woke up this morning and felt ok
do you remember about me being the under manager at the charity shop
well ive had my training ,and today i was on my own for the first time ,
had to open the security shutters ,reset the alarm , set the cash up in the till ,,woooo scary ,anyway the day went well ,the main trouble ive had is the people ,having to face lots of customers ,very hard ,but you know
ive just realised ,im getting to enjoy it ,i greet everyone ,morning ,
afternoon .smile ,try helping them and sell stuff ,i like dressing the window ,and the charity owners tell me the takings have gone up !,,,
it really is just like a proper retail outlet ,tonight i had to cash up,
and go to the bank ,scary again ,i thought with my luck i.ll get robbed and
beat up on my first day ,and you wouldent believe it ,no not really LOL
it went without a hitch ,,,tommorrow there a volenteer in with me ,,,
i,ll try not to boss them about to much ,,,oh such power,,,te he he ,,,ken

[crybaby1086]

I'm glad your feeling up to a little evil chuckle, they are the best!
I hope things just get better from here. Having a job you enjoy certainly helps. And a small shop is just the place to keep busy and chat people up as they come in.

[xn728]

hi crybaby ,and everyone ,6,25 am here going to walk feerets in a mo,
very cold and dark outside ,,,shop day today ,,,
very qieut on here ,not to much pain i hope ,ive been under a lot of strain
lately ,,were nearly out of money now ,but we have food and heat ,and
the love of my family ,and i have you my freinds. so i have all i need
my strentgh is sapped now ,but i can still afford to leave you some here this morning so you can carry on ,,,,,,,later best wishes ((((all )))),,,,ken
out into the cold now ,,,the little furry ones will be waiting ,,,,wishes ken

[lisalou]

hope you have a good day at the shop ken, congrats on being made undermanager!!!!!!

[Mich]

You're doing so well at the shop! Congratulations! You seem to be enjoying it too which is just fantastic.

[lisalou]

I've been in the process of clearing out my wardrobe and giving loads of stuff to charity shops. well the other day I walked past again and all the mannequins in the window were wearing my clothes! It even made me giggle but it was very annoying that they looked better in them than i ever did! LOL! I went in and saw all the many things that i donated and i added up prices in my head and worked out that if they sell all of it, which they probably will eventually, i've helped make £47 for charity (about $90?? really not sure on U.K / U.S conversion!) Gave me a nice warm feeling. Plus it's good to feel organised and not to have drawers heaving with clothes i never wear!!

[xn728]

hey lisa i can imagine that lol ,glad it made you happy making that money
it does give you a buzz doesnt it ,ive been putting some of my stuff in the window from home ,radios and stuff i dont use anymore ,and they sell like
hotcakes ,the animals benifit and so do i ,good to hear you lisa ,and hey
mich your suffering badly just now ive just answered your post in the
expressions bit ,oh mich please take care ,you must know how much we feel for you ,,,the holidays will soon be over mich hang in there ,hey
mich lisa ,i said hi to shatteredhopes in the chat last night ,seems really
better these days chatting away ,i didnt stop i just cant type fast enough lol ,stay safe you guys ,im watching both of you ,,,,,,,,,,ken

[crybaby1086]

Hey Lisa, I'm glad to hear your doing better. I does give you a good feeling to be able to help other out. And the bonus of getting organized is a wonderful feeling too!