I feel alone and scared

[littleb7503]

My name is donna and i have been suffering fromdepression for a few years now.I don't know what makes me happy anymore it seems like all that was in another lifetime.Medication is not working anymore.My life has passed me by it seems.I am 34 and i should be working,and taking care of my kids but i can't seem to do it.My life is heavy,scary and lonely.I have nopthing to give anymore and everything i ever had is walking right out of my life.
I spent thanksgiving alone and scared and now everyone is putting up cristmas lights and getting happy for the holiday season and i want to cry and rip everyones lights down.I don't want to see them.Just another reminder of being alone.
All i hear is just get your life back.I don't know how.It's hard and scary and i can't do it alone.
I like the rain and the darkness that comes with it-it makes me feel comforted and not so alone.Like the darkness knows how i feel
I am very embarrassed to say that but in my world it rains all the time and is always dark but no one ever wants to step into my world and see how i feel but they always ask me to step into their world but i am scared.

[blueisgreen]

Welcome Donna. I just wanted to respond to you before I head back to my bed.
This holiday season is the biggest test for many of us. It is scary when nobody in your immediate community understands or reaches out. I think you will find many people on this forum who do reach out and really do understand, and perhaps that will help things be a bit less lonely and scary for you.
I wish I could write more, but I'm feeling too tired now to go on. Please know
I am thinking about you and wishing you the best.

[shatteredhopes]

You are not alone...many on this site feel similar to you and are here to support you. Are you able to see a therapist and talk about how you feel? Could you consider a change in your meds maybe up something or add something or switch? Sometimes our bodies and brains get acclimated to the meds and they stop working and adjustments are necessary from what I understand.

The holidays are hard on many of us and it is frustrating to see signs of it everywhere when you are so blue, I know. And I also know what it is to know things you should be doing, and might help if you did, but just can't, the depression gets paralyzing, for me anyway, and sounds like for you too.

Can you do little things for yourself? Like a cup of hot cocoa or watch an old movie you love? Sometimes the little things are the only thing that keeps me from self harm, and help pass time til I can get a second wind.

Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[xn728]

hi donna ,im not gonna say much just now ,i to love the rain and the wind
your life has been hard with depression we know this well ,dont feel alone and afraid any longer ,you are part of a great family now and you will make many freinds ,if you feel like your falling we will reach out with our words and catch your fall ,type what you like here ,once you settle in you will be able use your mind in times of trouble and see that your new freinds here will be all around you ,giving support ,you gave us a gift today ,we have a new freind ,welcome home my new freind .and thats my gift to you a warm welcome , xn728

[forgotten soul]

Hey Donna,
When you say that your meds do not work anymore, it concerns me because like any drug we build up a tolerance to them and perhaps it may be time to visit your doctor again to discuss this.

That aside, the holidays are the toughest because happy with good cheer is society's expectation, meanwhile we're stressed by bills, work, kids, etc that makes it really hard to be cheery. The world continues its cheeriness in an almost mocking-like way as if everything is perfect or at least better than our situation which is gray and rainy (which I'd be lying if I said I didnt enjoy as well, very poetic the way you put it though:) ).

Aside from visiting your doctor again soon, I would say that you should be PROUD of the strength you are showing by enduring the heavy weight that you have on your life right now. It will make you stronger by continuing to endure and by joining this support network here you are showing that you are not quitting and are determined to find a foothold in the quicksand of depression. This I feel myself and I hope you will as well is the first big step to our recovery.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Welcome littleb7503 --

Hi Donna, glad you found this site. Good support here and a good spot to vent. Venting helps.

You will find support and understanding here. Keep posting.

Warmsoul Moderator

[lisalou]

hiya donna, i'm feeling too rough myself to say much today, but welcome to the forum and i'm glad you've found us

[Mich]

Welcome Donna - I'm glad you found this site. You will find many people here who understand what you are going through and who want to lend you support and show you kindness.