If you don't see me...

[xn728]

HEY ONIKA ,WE,LL IVE JUST FINISHED CATCHING UP ON ALL THOSE POSTS YOU SENT ,I HOPE I GOT THEM ALL ,MY ALERTS ARE NOT WORKING STILL ,YOU HAVE BEEN BUSY ,IM GONNA BUT MY FINGERS IN SOME COLD WATER FO A COUPLE OF HOURS KNOW TO COOL DOWN ,
THANKS ONIKA ,YOUR A TREASURE ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,KEN ....LATER

[crystalgaze]

I am feeling a little strange.... Can't really describe it... sort of tingly...

I'm okay, though, just a lil beat... ~ tired smile~

[xn728]

HEY ONIKA TAKE A TIME OUT GIRL ,YOUVE BEEN BUSY AGAIN TODAY ,
IVE HAD 2 DIAZAPAN ,SHOULD ONLY HAVE HAD 1 SOD IT ,THE NEXT 10 HOURS WILL BE BLANK ,COME ON VISITOR WITH YOUR NIGHTMARES
WHEN THESE HAVE TAKEN EFFECT YOU CAN KISS MY ARSE ,
ONIKA ,HAVE A REST AND KEEP SAFE ,EVERYBODY PLEASE CHECK ON
CRYSTALGAZE TOMMORROW ,ILL BE AT WORK ,SHES GIVEN SO MUCH LATELY SHE WORN HERSELF TO FRAZZLE ,,,,,,GOODNIGHT ONIKA
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,KEN ,THE OLD FOSSIL

[crystalgaze]

I feel a little better. I'm going to be away for a while. Off to go test out some things....

[crystalgaze]

Hi everyone! Yesterday was interesting. Just felt sort of odd....

I was singing for a good while. Then, sometime in there, I felt lightheaded. Singing & breathing seem to be hard for me, but that's probably something some training wouldn't fix. I was going to get up to do something but seemed to have fallen asleep.

Well, it really feels like I passed out, though... Not sure.... In spite of it all, I feel fine. It most likely happened based on the conditions. (e.g. hot room, singing for too long, etc.)

[xn728]

hello crystalgaze ,your absense here worries me ,i hope your feeling alright ,i can understand if you need queit time ,if your down my thoughts are with you ,the lack of kind words marks your absence,,,,,,,,,,ken xn728
,,,,,,,,,,,hope for your return to the forum soon !!!!!!

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Ken! Thanks for thinking of me! ~lol~ Yeah, I hit a bit of a rough patch, but I'm working with it. I sort of slept/passed out again today. Argh! I know I will figure it out soon. ^_^

Edit: I wanted every one to know that I am feeling just a little unwell... I cannot say what it is yet because I'm not entirely sure.... & I may not know for a good while....

Take care every one....

[xn728]

im weak ,many people call out ,but without my allie ,i am nothing ,if i stand alone much longer ,in battle i will fall,,,,,,,and my words will be just echoes in a large empty hall,,Onika,,,,,,,,,,,,ken

[crystalgaze]

Well... I'm still feeling pretty strange. I have not been able to put my finger on yet. Just feel odd.

Ah, it's a bummer when you don't know what's wrong!

[shatteredhopes]

Maybe the odd feeling has to do with your gift?

Hoping you find a little peace today...

[crystalgaze]

Hi there shattered....

Yes, that's what I'm thinking. I am feeling a little better. Today is my 2nd day in a row. Yesterday, I managed to do a good bit of laundry & wash my dad's truck.

I was still a bit of a wreck.... Nearly lost my bracelet... put too much soap in the clothes (but I fixed that)... my shoe strap burst & I had to go back home for another pair of shoes... I had a hard time getting my coins from the change machine. LOL What a day it was....

For the truck, I had to do a quick wash, since it started to rain....

[crystalgaze]

About the gift, you see....

A week or 2 ago or so, it really caused a problem for me. I am really sitting around trying to figure out what I can do with it/about it.

I remember Lisa saying I could help her pick lottery #s. ~lol~ I wish it worked that way for me!!! (Who knows.... Maybe it still might.)

For now, I have "willed" it away from me. I don't know if that works....

So I kept getting a death feeling about someone I met.... I got it for several days consistently . As much as I tried to ignore it or just say to myself, "No.. This just can't be right..." It bothered me so much & drove me up the wall, I told the person.... who then got upset at me....

But I kept feeling like this individual would die & die soon. It was to the point I knew what would be the killer. I really didn't have the strength to tell all of it.

I felt really down about it... An "Oh, what have I done!?" It caused extreme pain for me & it was at that point I decided I would try to turn it off, so it doesn't cause me or any one else any more pain. The person went to the doctor, who then said the same thing I had said. My friend was very disturbed about it... so much so that my friend told me what the doctor said.

& so, I was very spooked & shocked. I was wrecked. I cried over it because I really hoped I was wrong but I was right & had yet another confirmation/affirmation of the ability.

The death feeling I had for several days straight (like 5 or more days) finally stopped 1 day (maybe the Saturday before the 1 that just passed) & on finally ceasing, here's what happened:

My dad received a phone call saying his friend, someone he thought very highly of, had just died. My family & I--we found out that my great aunt has had internal bleeding for about 2 months now from a procedure she had done. We didn't even know she went for surgery... (She's been bleeding like she has a heavy period, but she's 80 years old so that should not be happening!) The friend I told you about above went to the doctor during that following week where the news was said.

That's what has had me out of it for a good while now.... I wonder if there are any psychic schools I can go to, to find a way to handle it, so it won't drive me out of my mind.... I still don't believe I'm psychic, though... I think that 1's too much for my brain....

I believe I had a near death experienced when I overdosed a few years ago & perhaps that's why I'm especially sensitive again now, aside from always having a little something as a kid.

So there you have it...

Edit: To be honest, I feel like I died somewhere in there with every thing that just recently happened. Something still does not feel right & I'm just not yet able to see it. It's a little annoying. I feel different.... just wish I knew how.

Edit #2: Alright... more openness.... Another thing that pretty much fried my brain is that..... so far this year there have been 2 men who have confessed their feelings to me about liking me. Well, you see.... I was so shocked... I almost felt like my spirit went some place else for a while, as in "Oh, my poor heart + soul can't take this!"

I will explain why I was so thoroughly shocked. The 2 men--I have known for almost all of my life. What makes it surprising is that the men are close to my Dad's age, which means they are old enough to be my grandpa or pa....

I don't knock them for it & I don't judge them. It's just the thought never crossed my mind that they would like me in that way. it was so messed up because the 1 man said that he loves women with hair on their legs & that he has a hair fetish/fascination.

The other is als enthralled by me & he actually said if he were my age, he would date me. So you know my jaw was on the ground.... I don't have a problem with it per se....

It's just.... I WISH I COULD ATTRACT MEN MY OWN AGE!!!!

Okay... I got that 1 off my chest....

[xn728]

hello ,hello are you here ,crystalgaze ,i look but cant find you ,i remember 3 weeks ago we all seemed to laugh a little ,and we all were lifted ,sadness greets me here in this empty room ,but if i keep looking maybe ill find you and we may laugh again ,,, ken

[crystalgaze]

I am here a little more today... Had some strength + was glad I could be here

[xn728]

thanks onika ,im glad i could still reach you ,the doc told me to take more
lithium and it has made me ill and so confused ,,no more just the normal dose now ,,,later when you feel better ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ken