Who am I?

[WabiSabi]

This is when I was half awake, between consciousness and sub-consciousness, and I was no one. Things that I be usually afraid, viz. losing myself, was more practical this time.

I woke half dreaming,
mind blank, quietly drifting.
Wandering through questions surreal,
is any of this even real?

I watched my mum move through the morning light,
hands tired, yet still putting in efforts to build us a life.
Who am I to her?
A son who still lingers?

My eyes turned to my brother,
out there chasing his future.
Who am I to him?
A brother who can’t be of help to him?

My dad worked miles away, from dawn till the end of the day,
carrying silence on his shoulders.
who am I to him?
A son who feels like he barely matters?

Friends who once laughed beside me,
now only distant echoes.
Who was I to them?
Someone they eventually outgrew, and just as one of their foes?

All these things in my mind,
weren’t just from when I became conscious.
trying to find an escape?
Haha, these still haunt me, in my dreams – vicious

They say I care too much about people’s perception
So I turned inward to meet my own reflection.
Who am I to myself?
Am I even doing justice to my 10 year old self?

My mum asked me to brush my teeth,
“breakfast’s ready, are you even out of your sleep?”
I gathered myself up and tried to listen to my heart.
I was being questioned: Am I okay? Or quietly falling apart?

Even in delusions, if god grants me a wish,
The only question I might ask, “the answer to ‘WHO AM I?’ is just a myth?”

~ W.S