Confused86 in a nutshell.........

[confused86]

I have been on this site quite a few times, I was on here a few yrs ago but stopped as things got better but now since March last yr things have been pretty bad for me. When I come into the chatroom I stay quiet as I did have one big out burst one night when I was being ignored and was looking support as my uncle only just passed away and he took his own and it has left my family pretty torn up.
Depression runs in my family and 3 out of 4 of me and my siblings has it. I too suffer from anxiety. I find it hard just getting through day to day.
I suffered an injury over 2 yrs and that has made my depression show more......I am currently unemployed but looking for work and have cut off all but my dad and little brother from the rest of my family. Due to the fact that my mother tried to break up my marriage less than a month after we got married because she didn't see me as much as she wanted to. My sister has been threatening to harm me in all the ways u can think of possible all my life........specially on my 21st b'day 2 yrs ago.

My older brother refuses to talk to me because I cut her out of my life and it has been hard cause we used to be so close.
After we got married we started trying for a baby.......now 2 yrs later I recently found out that we can't cause of a hormonal imbalance with my body.
I suffer from panic attacks and hate going out and try to avoid it as much as possible...............so as u can see the last 2 yrs of my life have been pretty intense for me and I could really use the support.

[xn728]

hi there confused86 ive have ,nt been on the forum that long ,but i remember seeing some of your posts ,i have destroyed my life and lost all family and freinds ,im 51 i was married at 19 ,me and my wife fran are still happy ,my family at the time of us marrying said ,it wont last ,your a loser ,crazy tearaway ,blah ,blah ,blah, familys are always hard to keep happy sometimes ,and you ought to worry about the way you feel and less about them ,even though ,i can see you do care there are other avenues to explore for having a child ,having news like that must have been hard ,anyway listen ive been in the chatroom a couple of times but did,nt find it very inviting ,but here on the forums ,evryone welcomes you with open arms ,so welcome home and keep posting ,even if you feel better , best wishes xn728

[lisalou]

hello there,welcome back,i'm afraid i cant write much at the moment as i'm in a really bad way myself today but i'm glad you have come back to this site and i will try to support you as and when i can

Lisa x

[crystalgaze]

Hi there. Welcome to the forum. You are going through a hard time, indeed.

Ken spoke some wisdom right there....

Family can be such a beast to cross, but take care of yourself, please.... You & yours come 1st...

~Crystal

[confused86]

Thanks everyone.......I appreciate ur comments. It has been pretty hard for me lately. I find things much harder as my husband loves me but doesn't understand what I'm going through.....so as I said to my psychologist who I find doesn't seem to help much lately is I play down my depression and anxiety when it comes to him and my mother in law(we live with her). She said it wasn't a good idea but it seems to be the only way as they don't like seeing me this way and they can't change anything and can't really help me. My dad has done some reading on it as it has been a family thing....his mum had it and his brother had it and 3 out of 4 have it and he wanted an understanding of it all.

I have been encouraged to go intothe chatroom but I mainly just sit back and watch and see what everyone else says......I don't really talk. I did write something here in the forum about 2 yrs ago but it seems to have been deleted or I just can't remember where I wrote it. But I will write when I can here and thanks to u guys for supporting me as I really do need it! Thanks again! xoxox

[Monty]

Welcome to the forums.

I have been coming here for just under a year and have found it very helpful and supportive.

Have been told that it is very hard for someone who doesn't suffer from depression, to really understand how it can totally run our lives. Over and over I would try to explain things to my kid's dad. Over the course of 20 years he never did get it. I think that part of it was because that it scared him badly. He didn't know what to do to help. Found it better to ignore the problem that to try to get into the complexities of helping me with it.

Made me feel very alone. Like you I drew more and more, into myself. Shutting others out.

I have been in therapy for a long time. At first I had a lot of trouble opening up to them, partly becaue I would get to the point that I would trust a therapist, and then they would move on to greener pastures (I was in a state run program, because I couldn't afford a private therapist).
I don't know if this would help you. At the start of breaking in a new counsellor I would start just sitting down and writing to them what was going on in my life, day by day. Now I don't know if they really read (because this was before computers so all was done in long-hand). I found it did ease the pressure.

Now what I do, is get an email address that I can send messages to them on. I am "presuming" that they are reading them. I find it is a way to sit down, and put my thoughts together. Rather than showing up to their office and not being able to adequately tell them of all that has been going on since the last time I saw them. I know that I have given them the opportunity to try and help us cut through some of the bull, and get right down to the crux of the problem.

Now I am so grateful that I found this forum, and instead of writing down my thoughts and giving them to someone who might read them. I am posting to people who I know are reading them.

I think it also helps me because I feel that I am letting some of the stuff out that I might not be able to do in person, sitting across from a desk looking at them face to face. It is true that the best way a counsellor can help you if they have the whole story as to what is going on.

I am a very poor sharer in person. I get very flustered. They also aren't able to read my mind. So if we tell them just what is happening they can better help us.

Just putting my two cents worth in.

Again welcome to a place, where it is safe to share.

[blueisgreen]

Very well stated, Monty. You are certainly eloquent when you write.
No problem understanding what you are expressing.

Confused - I hope you are able to find peace here with others
who really do understand. Sometimes all I can do is read the posts,
but even when I'm not able to share, reading the love and support here helps me so much. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[shatteredhopes]

Notice it has been awhile since you posted...hope you are okay. Life's tragedies can be overwhelming for the depressive, but I have found much support here.

People here are listening and ready to offer support when you share, I've found.