Disconnected

[Mich]

I feel so disconnected from everything in life. The connection with my husband and children is definitely frayed and hanging on by a thread. I don't have any friends so there are no connections there. I have no relationship with my parents which is my choice at this point. I do feel completely and utterly alone in this life and it's sad but maybe that's the way I really want it. Connections with people can only lead to rejections and I have had enough of those to last a lifetime. It is hard for me to see the positive, joyous things that human connection can bring. Instead of looking outward, I feel I am pulling further and further inward towards my disease and I feel powerless to stop it. I feel that for me to die alone would be a fitting end to my life and if I don't attempt to reconnect with my husband and children, that is exactly how I am going to end up. Nobody wants to be around a depressed person and as hard as I try, I guess I am not very good at wearing a pleasant mask. I want to be a better wife and mother but the depression takes all of me and there is nothing left of me to give. It is so so hard to live this way; always shrouded in darkness and despair and I beg for relief daily. Relief never comes.

[xn728]

hi mich ,i to looked for relief for so many years,and now i look no further
i just concentrate on trying to fuction .not for myself but for my family ,i have no freinds either ,only on this forum .you may veiw these as empty useless word of no comfort at all .but the fact i can still talk about it 43 years later may show you it can be endured .i do know your pain .when i see you have posted ,i can barly look ,because i know it will hurt .walk on and take the blows .look further through the darkness there is somthing out there,,,,xn728

[Mich]

Thank you for reading and for reaching out to me. It means a lot.

[xn728]

just be strong xn728,. such a simple thing but this little face i found makes me smile its me all over

[crystalgaze]

Hey there Mich. I share your sentiment on people not wanting to be around a depressed person. On the flip side, I have not seen some of them want to be a hyper person as well. ~shrugs~

I thought about this just a split 2nd ago. While you feel disconnected from every thing in life..... I guess I'm wondering if you feel connected to yourself.... ???

I don't know if I worded that properly. I know when I was really bummed out a few years ago, what you're saying described me to a tee. Maybe if you can manage to concentrate on yourself, it will help every thing else? ???

The how is the hard part, though, but I have a few thoughts about that some place somewhere....