Y'all, I think I'm allergic to men.
Yeah... I know it sounds ridiculous....
...but I've no other way to describe it.
I continue to become a mass of nerves. I feel mad at myself somewhat, but then it's funny at the same time & I'm unable to keep a straight face when I think about it to myself. I don't know when I got this quirk.
Well, I went to the computer repair shop today again, & there's a young tech guy there close to my age. When he has to come near me for any reason, my hands shake like a leaf. I would really just like to hide them or stick them in my pockets or grab one of them & tell them to "STOP ALREADY".
It's not just him, though. Another customer came in today & he was standing next to me, less than arm's length (shoot, maybe even elbow's length) away & I wanted to run from them both out the door of the store.
Now, they weren't doing me any thing at all, but still I was very on edge.
I also went to the car repair shop to get help with the car alarm.... It was raining, so the guy got in the car in the passenger seat & he showed me how to take off the flashing red light (valet mode) & where the kill button for the alarm was (in case the remote didn't work). That was so unnerving.
~lol~ I don't know how else to describe it, but something about the situations just feels wrong....
I don't really know what to think. I can't gauge it yet. In the above 2 cases, they're handsome guys. (Yeah, they're cute in their own ways.)
The customer who was standing next to me in the computer repair shop was older (& had very striking facial features) but younger looking than the older tech guy. (How's that for a tongue twister?!)
If they're near me, I am very nervous as well. So I'm just sort of like ??? It doesn't really make sense. It's not all men either or rather like when I was in the bank today, I wasn't nervous because I think I was more anxious about getting out of there. (I don't like to be in banks long; you never know when someone is going to try to rob it.) I do love a computer store, though. 
The car repair shop is sort of an essential place....
I think part of what frightens me with the men in this case is that they were actually nice/pleasant. It's just sort of like, "Huh?" + "Beware of ______ bearing gifts." There is also a sort of tense/electric feel to the air. & in the middle of all that happens, I somehow pay attention to a whole bunch of details that it feels like overload (like a sped up light simulation or something). (e.g. the veins in the young tech guy's arms & how they moved when he was working; the lines & how they moved in the face of the customer who was standing next to me when he spoke; for the mechanic, it was the contrast of his olive/velvety smoothed, tanned skin + jet black eyebrows against his bright white clothes + shoes.... I don't need to be paying attention to stuff like that!!!! like "Nooooooooooooo! Stooooooooopppp!" T.T It drives me absolutely up the wall!)
It just feels creepy
& I would rather turn it off. I would also rather not have all that buzzing around in my head, in addition to my nerves making a wreck of me....
How men react to me is just plain odd to me. I feel like if I smile or laugh or am chipper/bubbly (mask for hyper), then it'll get misconstrued/misinterpreted. Also, people don't usually take to me, so that's part of what makes it odd. I'm not ugly, but in my head, I ask myself, "Now, what would they want with me?" You know, like, I'm just standing in my corner, trying to stay out of the way.
I'm probably allergic to women who stand less than arm's length away from me, but they don't usually do that. I usually get a negative vibe from a lot who are near me any way (whether it's standing in a bank line or Post Office line, etc) or am just plain freaked out by how close up under me they are (no matter how I try to put space between us). Usually, I am pretty at ease with the women because they stand far enough away from me that I feel comfortable.
Well, I'll keep trying, but I haven't found any counter measures for it yet. I am a bit bummed by that.
I chant in my head, "Stay calm" but that doesn't really work.....
Any suggestions?
