Hey

[Inn]

I had a pretty good life, I can't say I was happy all the time, but I was a positive optimistic person. I knew how to enjoy life and how to laugh even when things weren't perfect. I still do that when I make fun of my pathetic self.
Anyway I found myself in impossible situation, in fact I created it all by myself.
So I'm having this depression anxiety mix along with a death wish for some time now. And I'm a great pretender.
I'm not looking for help, except if anyone has a magic wand, but even then I'm not sure what I'd use it for. Mostly I don't give a **** about anything.
That's me, nice to 'meet' you all

[MidwestMax]

Hello, new friend.
First of all, nobody has the ability to say they were happy all the time. At least not truthfully. From the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich, nobody can claim complete happiness at all stages of life. Agony, misery, suffering, trials and tribulations are all part of the growing experience. It's what we take from those experiences that measures how happy we are or can be in any given situation.

I'd like to ask when things changed for you. You said you were positive and optimistic. What changed? Was it a relationship? A personal life incident? Something at school or work? What makes you different from then to now?

Also know that depression and anxiety go hand in hand. They're a vicious tag team. You're depressed and your anxiety kicks in because things aren't ideal or even very good. They feed off of each other. I'm actually on 2 meds for my depression and one for my anxiety (but only as-needed for that one). They are very complimentary medications. Not magic wands, of course. But life before medication was horrible.

I'm hear to listen and talk and I'd love to hear back from you. I love the way you write. Just out of curiosity: where are you in Europe? Age? Sex?

[Ann]

Sorry to hear that you are dealing with anxiety and depression. Have you considered therapy at all? Sometimes it helps to talk to a counselor who is trained in this area to help you sort through your thoughts. Some people also like to keep journals so that they can process their emotions on paper. I like to go outside and appreciate nature and get exercise everyday. Eating a healthy diet and having creative hobbies can help fight off the negative thoughts. I hope that you can find some ways to cope with whatever you are going through.

[Inn]

Thank you Max for your words.
Talking about myself isn't exactly my best virtue, maybe I'll tell my story in pieces.
But basically goes like this.

I screwed up big time, fell into forbidden love, cheated, lived the happiest month of my life, separated forever, made a life tragedy out of it...
And if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do one single thing differently.
There's also another part of the mess I can't fix...


Ann,
thank you for your reply, but honestly I'm not looking for advise. This may sound pretty arrogant, but no one can tell me anything that I didn't already know, counselors, therapists and shrinks includeed.
I'm not exactly a newbie any more, I'm dealing with it for almost two years now.
But I can't get better as long as I don't decide if I want to.
I'm here just to have some fun, to annoy you and bore you all to death (and myself), and to remind me I don't fit in anywhere because I'm from another planet.
But I do appreciate you're trying to help.

[lovingladyo4]

Thanks for opening up about yourself. I can tell your situation bothers you enough to share it, and even though you don't want help, I know you must want relief from the depression. Admitting our wrongdoing takes courage, and I don't know that I would feel so free to share things I'm ashamed of on a public forum. Guilt will cause a person to spiral downward, but there is a way to disarm the power it has over us.
In my own experience, I needed God to get me out from under the weight of my sin, and he was faithful and set me free. I would not be where I am today had God not forgiven me. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts.

[Inn]

Thank you lovinglady for your comment.
My situation much more than bothers me, but I wrote this post only because someone aked me about it.

I'm not ashamed of it one bit. It was the most pure, spontaneous, magic love I ever experienced, and I stand by that 100%.

But I do know cheating is very wrong, it's against everything I believe in.
Guilt is powerful and destructive thing, it almost killed me at first. Not so much for cheating physically, but more for falling in love. So not for things I could control, but for things I couldn't.
I saw only one way out, or not even because I was too much of a coward.
But I'm still not sure, can I really feel guilty for something I would do all over again million times? Not sure.

Hmm...a relief from depression? I don't know, it's kind of comfy now. I don't remember any other way.

[Ann]

Ann,
thank you for your reply, but honestly I'm not looking for advise. This may sound pretty arrogant, but no one can tell me anything that I didn't already know, counselors, therapists and shrinks includeed.
I'm not exactly a newbie any more, I'm dealing with it for almost two years now.
But I can't get better as long as I don't decide if I want to.
I'm here just to have some fun, to annoy you and bore you all to death (and myself), and to remind me I don't fit in anywhere because I'm from another planet.
But I do appreciate you're trying to help.

[/quote]
Hope you can move forward because getting better is good for your health overall.

[Inn]

Thank you for caring.

[Ann]

You are welcome. I have suffered myself and know that sometimes these issues make it hard to function. My default setting didn't serve me well so I tried Plan B which was setting goals and living in the present moment.