Depression Accountability – Friday

[Cactus.ly]

I hope everyone had a happier Friday. What did you accomplish against the weight of depression?

Of course, it will be Saturday by the time you read this, so feel free to reflect

[jennypa]

Hi Cactus.ly,

To me, I can accomplish almost anything against the weight of depression. I have been able to further realize my divine destiny to help others as well and to give hope and more smiles to come.

Thank you so much for your post.

jennypa

[Cactus.ly]

Hi Jennypa,

Thank you for your reply. I think there is much transformative potential in depression if one can move in its stillness and dwell there without self-harm. The power that holds us down can easily propel us to our heart's desire with the right set of triggers, within these feelings.

My problem is that I cycle through it. Whenever it falls on me is better than my latest set of beliefs and coping devices. This latest, present bout is very strong. I have had this waiting sadness since I was a child. I think it ultimately gets at "but you're not really happy, and you've never been happy. You've never had space to be happy."
And there are all kinds of reasons for that, but I have to ask myself, do I like what is 'out here' enough, to create that space. I struggle with that.
I don't know if a storyteller gives to a village that can only poison and suffocate stories.
I don't know if I care anymore or if this, even, is where or what I want to be.