Hi, I'm new to this board

[SadandBroken]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this board. I'm a married female w/o any kids. My husband and no one in my family is supportive of me. I suffer mostly from depression, social anxiety, stress, and insomnia. Very few of my friends really know about my problems or struggles with these issues.

I often feel alone and that hardly anyone cares about me that much. I'm on paxil and valium right now. I currently have no insurance but have found a way to get my meds greatly reduce using a certain coupon online. I've tried many different medications over the years. I used to have issues with bad panic attacks. The first one occurred when I was around 20 and it lasted until I was in my 30's. I don't have bad panic attacks anymore, but I still have some slight social anxiety issues in certain situations. I also have some self esteem issues as well.

I have been to therapists in the past, but none of them have helped me. It seems like all they cared about was the money as they mostly just listened to me talk. How is that supposed to really help me- Even if I could find the right therapist now, I can't afford one. We're pretty much broke most of the time now- I'm going to start a new job soon, but I won't be making much money.

I often feel alone and misunderstood. I recently left another depression board due to feeling judged by some of the people there and being blamed for some of the issues I was having with certain people and situations. Most of the people on there were OK, but the ones that kept on criticizing me again and again chased me away from that site.

Even other members saw that I was being treated harshly and told me so in their PM's to me. Hopefully the people here will be more supportive and understanding. I need support, not criticism and blame. I get enough of that from people in general, especially from my husband and my family. My parents and sibling all have issues, but are in denial about having any. They act happiness is a choice and that I should stop worrying so much and just snap out of it. They don't get that I have a chemical imbalance-

I hope to find the support that I need on here. I'll try my best to help others as much as I can-

[Helloraspberries1]

Hi there,

I know how you feel. People who your close to like your friends and family don't understand how it must feel to live like this. They don't know how much of a struggle it is when you have to carry on with your day like nothing bad has happened. That's why I get it so much.

I also suffer with depression and anxiety. Most days it's hard for me to be myself. When you have to pretend everything's ok it gets to the point that you know people don't really care as much and think your to blame for everything. That's what I really hate. No ones to blame for feeling like this in the first place. It shows how much they know and how much they care. Only those what have or are going through it know exactly what it's like.

There obviously still is lack of understanding of mental health. We still get alot of people what don't understand what it's like to have a mental illness. Again that's another problem. If people knew a bit more then maybe they would stop and think.

The only thing I would say is to try and not give up. Don't let this defeat you. Keep persisting with the support you need and would like help for. You deserve like anyone else to feel better about yourself and make changes to your life in a positive way.

Sometimes it's about looking at the bigger picture and looking at it yourself where things might be going wrong. As your the only one what knows your situation better then anyone.

Seeing a doctor or getting therapy is all well and good and it can be helpful over time but it don't always make you 100% better. Make changes yourself.

[CloudAtlas6]

Hi! Thank you for sharing! I know how hard it must feel to like your friends and family are not understanding or ambivalent or unaware of how you feel. And I'm sure it doesn't help that you've faced unjust criticism and unkindness from others on forums that are supposed to be safe--I hope that this is better and more uplifting for you. If you ever wish to talk, please feel free to PM me. Even if it's just to vent or try to talk through your own thoughts with a listening ear at the other end--whatever works! I hope you have a great day and that you start to feel more comfortable and secure within you own surroundings and self.

[SadandBroken]

Hi there,

I know how you feel. People who your close to like your friends and family don't understand how it must feel to live like this. They don't know how much of a struggle it is when you have to carry on with your day like nothing bad has happened. That's why I get it so much.

I also suffer with depression and anxiety. Most days it's hard for me to be myself. When you have to pretend everything's ok it gets to the point that you know people don't really care as much and think your to blame for everything. That's what I really hate. No ones to blame for feeling like this in the first place. It shows how much they know and how much they care. Only those what have or are going through it know exactly what it's like.

There obviously still is lack of understanding of mental health. We still get alot of people what don't understand what it's like to have a mental illness. Again that's another problem. If people knew a bit more then maybe they would stop and think.

The only thing I would say is to try and not give up. Don't let this defeat you. Keep persisting with the support you need and would like help for. You deserve like anyone else to feel better about yourself and make changes to your life in a positive way.

Sometimes it's about looking at the bigger picture and looking at it yourself where things might be going wrong. As your the only one what knows your situation better then anyone.

Seeing a doctor or getting therapy is all well and good and it can be helpful over time but it don't always make you 100% better. Make changes yourself.

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Hi Helloraspberries, thanks for welcoming me to the board- You get what I'm going through! I could've written almost the same response as you! Unfortunately I can't tell some people about my depression or anxiety or they'll just think that I'm "crazy" and stay the hell away from me as soon as they find out the truth.

Most people are still ignorant about those with mental health issues. It also doesn't help that every time there's a mass shooter incident somewhere, they're always loners with mental health issues, so supposedly we're all dangerous people that can snap at any moment according to some people, ugh-

I've had some bad therapists in the past. One guy would take non emergency phone calls during our $100 dollar an hour plus sessions back when I had insurance. How rude! I was so stupid and naive back then! I thought that I could only get my meds from a psychiatrist so put up with his crap and others crap for years. Now I get my meds from my family Dr. One hypnotherapist was nuts! She put a spell on her neighbors cat since she thought he hurt her cat. Wow, just wow, no wonder why I'm scared to see any therapist now.

I've been thinking of joining this free group therapy group that's half an hour away from where I live, but I'll be working soon so I won't have much time to go there if at all since they have set times and days for certain things and they close at 2p.m. Also, talking to people in a group is not something I want to do. Especially since I'm a private person. I'll wait and see what happens. I need to concentrate on paying my bills first. My husband gives me a measly allowance each week and he has stopped paying my credit card bills for now since he always says I max out the cards. Well, it's hard not to with only a few low limit cards and very little cash! Ugh! He's kind of controlling with money to, so that just adds to my stress and depression!

I'll have to start paying my own bills soon to rebuild my horrible credit slowly. Long story short, he didn't pay my credit card bills for years when I wasn't working so that ruined my credit. Needless to say, I'm stuck in this crappy marriage due to finances. He's not really supportive of me in most ways. He won't even listen to me talk about issues with friends or work for long. Ugh!

Thank god that I finally got a job! I hope that I get the maximum hours allowed each week. Otherwise I'll need to look for a second job. Thanks for responding- I do hope that I'll be able to find the support that I need on this board. So far things are looking good-

[SadandBroken]

Hi! Thank you for sharing! I know how hard it must feel to like your friends and family are not understanding or ambivalent or unaware of how you feel. And I'm sure it doesn't help that you've faced unjust criticism and unkindness from others on forums that are supposed to be safe--I hope that this is better and more uplifting for you. If you ever wish to talk, please feel free to PM me. Even if it's just to vent or try to talk through your own thoughts with a listening ear at the other end--whatever works! I hope you have a great day and that you start to feel more comfortable and secure within you own surroundings and self.

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Hi CloudAtlas, thanks for responding to my post- Also, thanks for understanding how I feel. And no, it didn't help that other board became a little judgemental of me after awhile. Long story short, I was bullied at my last two jobs so I quit one and was fired at another. Guess who they mostly blamed for things? Me! It didn't really matter that one girl there insulted me by calling me fat. I was to shocked to respond back to her at the time. She made a comment about what I was eating to a friend. Some of the other girls there were just rude.

I did report the incident to HQ but all they did was say they resolved the issue but they couldn't tell me what the outcome was. I hope that she was disciplined for her rude and nasty behavior. It doesn't help that I have body image issues too. It didn't matter that I was being treated rudely by some of the other employees at the job after that. One person there called me "mentally slow" after I was there for only a week, and I never worked at a job like that before. It was super fast paced. She said that to another coworker she didn't like. So rude!

Another time I stood up to this other girl who worked there who called me a "dolt" to another coworker there and that I was also "boring" and that she was stuck working with the boring dolt that night. I was pissed so I told her what I heard and asked her if that's what she said and she denied it. I called her out on her lies and told her as nicely as possible to never speak to me that way again! She didn't say a thing. I later reported her to the manager, but I don't think they cared about anything as they're a tight knit group there. No one outside that immediate small area was mean, just them. People came and went all the time. I wonder why, lol.

I was fired after being there about a week! I was micromanaged to death by two women too! They were awful! And when I told the people on the board what happened, they could only focus on my mistakes and not the bullying. What the hell? Ugh! One person even went so far as to say they thought that people who work in grocery stores or in retail at my age are limited in what they can do and that they feel sorry for people like that. Well, not everyone has a degree, and not everyone can be a Dr. or whatever, so that was pretty rude. Lots of older people work in retail and grocery stores. It doesn't mean they're stupid.

After being blamed for why I can't keep a job, I just thought to myself, omg, these people just don't get the fact that I'm not entirely to blame for things! Bullying is bullying! Hardly anyone said much about that. But some people could clearly see that I was being bullied on the boards and said so. Even they moderators had to shut down a few threads for getting out of hand and even they said that I was being treated harshly too. They just told me to report the people who were being judgmental and mean. One woman there even claimed that my bad "attitude" (this was after I stuck up for myself after being talked down to) was the problem and called me the b word. Wow, real mature, lol-

I hope that there aren't any trolls or bullies on here. And hopefully I won't have to deal with this stupid immature behavior at my next job from anyone. So far the manager there seems cool and easy going. One other lady there seems nice, so maybe this job will work out for me. Hope so! I always try to treat others at work with respect even if I don't like them that much so I deserve to be treated with respect back. Maybe being a quiet person with problems tends to make me a bully target at times, idk.

[CloudAtlas6]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about those terrible workplace experiences! It always blows my mind how outright rude and abusive people can be to one another--especially in a place as intimate as the workplace and especially with people who you don't know and are supposed to cooperate with. Sometimes it feel like bullying is more of a thing post-high school, right? Haha, but anyway I'm sorry about that! Yeah, I think if you encounter anything like that here, you should report it...but it seems like many of the moderators are very solid about upholding the rules for interactions. I hope any new places you work--and people you interact with--are much kinder towards you. AND friendly. It's the best thing I think for people on these forums.

[Helloraspberries1]

Hi there, nice to see your doing well

It's good to hear that your getting some support for your illness and your still reaching out. Seems to be working which is good

I'm sorry to hear about you and your husband. Relationships can be tough and when your going through something very intense you kind of lose hope and support. If you feel that you and your husband can work on this then I'm sure you two can do anything. Maybe talking to one another and having a deep conversation could help with how you both are feeling. See what you can do improve yourself in the relationship and what he can do too. Relationship counselling can sometimes help with that. Do you think that's something you could consider? They can suggest things you two can do together like arrange a date night each month, watch movies together or cook dinner. That might help with getting the chemistry back.

It's important you concentrate on yourself first. Get the help you need and the confidence to get you back to where you were. Go to the support group, think about counselling again when your ready and do things you enjoy.

You need to start off looking at yourself then things will follow through.

I hope that helps.

[SadandBroken]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about those terrible workplace experiences! It always blows my mind how outright rude and abusive people can be to one another--especially in a place as intimate as the workplace and especially with people who you don't know and are supposed to cooperate with. Sometimes it feel like bullying is more of a thing post-high school, right? Haha, but anyway I'm sorry about that! Yeah, I think if you encounter anything like that here, you should report it...but it seems like many of the moderators are very solid about upholding the rules for interactions. I hope any new places you work--and people you interact with--are much kinder towards you. AND friendly. It's the best thing I think for people on these forums.

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Thanks! Sorry for the slow response. I've been depressed since this lady who I was starting to form a friendship with in real life turned out to be a flake. I kindly told her that her behavior bothered me. She'd take 20 minutes to respond to a text telling me that she's "stuck in traffic". She did this 3 times to me. That is rude and I can't deal with rude people. Some of my friends told me that I was a little harsh, but I don't think that I was. So I never heard back from her, ugh! The friends that I have now don't do that to me. I'm no longer a doormat.

I don't get why I tend to be a target for bullies still! I'm in my 40's now, ugh! I was bullied by former friends and classmates in the past, but the worst of it occurred for no apparent reason when I was 11. And Jr. High was a nightmare. I was even physically hit once with a softball in the eye. Luckily it did no damage to me. I'm shy and introverted so maybe people think I'm an easy target, idk.

I'm a lot more assertive now. I have told people off to their faces when men called me fat or when women tried to do that to me by asking me if I'm pregnant. LOL! So far the people there seem nice. I start my new job this Monday. The assistant manager is easy going and nice. The other manager there seems nice too. I hope the other manager who's a woman is nice too. One older lady said hi to me there when I came in for training. If anyone gives me any trouble, I'll document things, and tell them that I'm going to report them to the manager for their bad behavior and to never speak to me like that again. LOL!

I did report that girl to HQ. She was young. I think that she's in her 20's. Most of the women there were half my age expect for the managers. I don't look old, but that wasn't a job for someone my age for sure. I didn't fit in there. I can't believe how mean people can be at times. I'm a nice person who treats others with respect, so why can't I get treated with respect back? I don't need for everyone to like me, but I agree, people should be treated with decency at work.

I'm nervous about starting this job. I still have social anxiety at times. Anyways, I'm also depressed about this situation with my husband. We are struggling financially and we almost lost our house. We're OK now, thank god! He made a big deal out of taking me out for our anniversary and he acted like it was a chore to do so. We did go out but that's rude! I'm pretty hurt. We've been married for over 20 years! Ugh! Also, I rarely see most of my friends. It feels like I mostly have email friend who I hear from less and less often these days.

I feel like hardly anyone cares about me and if I didn't bother to keep in touch with people, they'd forget about me and move on. I try not to complain to much and I can be a good listener and even funny at times. I don't know why I have such a hard time finding and keeping friends. Weird!

[SadandBroken]

Hi there, nice to see your doing well

It's good to hear that your getting some support for your illness and your still reaching out. Seems to be working which is good

I'm sorry to hear about you and your husband. Relationships can be tough and when your going through something very intense you kind of lose hope and support. If you feel that you and your husband can work on this then I'm sure you two can do anything. Maybe talking to one another and having a deep conversation could help with how you both are feeling. See what you can do improve yourself in the relationship and what he can do too. Relationship counselling can sometimes help with that. Do you think that's something you could consider? They can suggest things you two can do together like arrange a date night each month, watch movies together or cook dinner. That might help with getting the chemistry back.

It's important you concentrate on yourself first. Get the help you need and the confidence to get you back to where you were. Go to the support group, think about counselling again when your ready and do things you enjoy.

You need to start off looking at yourself then things will follow through.

I hope that helps.

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Hi, thanks. My husband is very stoic and he's not much of a talker except when it comes to subjects that interest him. He refuses to see any counselor. He's very stubborn and thinks that counselors won't be able to do anything. He thinks I'm the problem, and nothing is ever his fault, ugh! Since my work schedule is unpredictable, I won't be able to go to that free therapy place for now. Maybe I can if I get certain days off. I start my new job this Monday. I'll be doing retail work for a major chain. I'm a little nervous about starting this job. I don't have the best social skills. I'm nice though and I'm friendly to people and I'll talk to anyone who'lll talk to me.

I mostly get ignored by most people at work and I don't know why that is since I'm a genuinely nice person. I'm just shy, so maybe I come across as being unfriendly? Idk. I'll try my best to talk to people more. I hope that no one will be mean or rude to me at this job. I will document everything if I'm harassed or bullied again. I'll definitely let the manager know about everything the day it happens. I'll even tell that person to never speak to me like that again, or don't do this or that if they do or say anything inappropriate. Then I'll go directly to the manager and let them know what they did. LOL! I've had it with jerks! I'm no longer a doormat!

Oh, and finances are bad now, so my husband was rude to me the other day when I asked him if he could take me out for a nice dinner. I told him that I have a coupon for this steak place. He acted like taking me out was a chore and that he didn't really want to take me out by saying Yes! to a text I sent him, ugh! We did go out, but he shouldn't make me feel like taking me out is a chore! I've been married to him for over 20 years! Thanks for your support!