Don't know how to escape or be upfront

[Cherryblue254]

I've just been diagnosed with a mild case of depression, but to me it doesn't feel very mild. In the past I had been mostly optimistic and mostly happy. I was a bit bitchy, but mostly happy. It wasn't until recently I started to feel more down. Sadness became a part of my daily routine. I have tried explaining to my husband how I feel, but it's so hard to explain what you don't understand yourself. I am not sure if it's the new medicine they just started me on or if I am just getting worse, but I feel more disconnected. I am always edgy, taking everything out of context and being suspicious of behavior that wasn't suspicious in the past. I should be happy. But I just can't seem to even fake it. I've tried to come up with ways to keep my mind clear like taking up projects that require a lot of attention, like crafting but it helps only temporarily and then I feel worse. I find myself sneaking off to the bathroom to have a cry more often than not. Sleep evades me but I am always sleepy. My biggest problem is that my husband notices the change but I can't just blurt out that I am depressed and can't help the way I feel. It's beginning to effect our marriage because there always seem to be a problem. I want him to understand but I just can't bring myself to talk about it. Can some one who has bee through this give me any advice. It's one thing to talk to a professional but I would rather hear from some one who is going through or some what understands. Any advice please help.

[100footpole]

Depression SUCKS! Doesn't it?

We all know what you mean when you say that sadness has become part of your daily routine. That defines depression ... it is OK to be sad, but it is frustrating when you can't figure out why.

The two treatments for depression are first anti-depressant pills just to level yourself out. I'm on Prozac and Buspar. The other treatment is talk therapy.

The sleep interruptions are awful. I try to keep my sleep on a normal schedule by avoiding naps if possible. I read geometric proofs when I wake up at night. You need to pick a subject that is kind of interesting, and a really boring book on it. Depression is your opportunity to have a reason to pick a boring book you want to read. The goal is to just quiet your mind when you wake up

There is a therapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy. You can look it up on Wikipedia. It empowers you with tools to change your thoughts. The biggest question in therapy seemed to me to be "What do you want to change".

Once you are in talk therapy talk to your therapist about why you are having trouble talking to your husband. My wife and I did that in the 80s. She understands the symptoms of my depression, although she doesn't "get it". The fact that she has accepted me with my depression makes our marriage stronger, but I don't think I would have wanted to discuss it with her without a therapist. My wife wanted to be pro-active and blamed herself for how I was feeling. That just makes the depression worse.

Money and depression can be a real problem. The therapy is expensive, and I think some therapists keep you on the line like a chiropracter. That's what I like about CBT ... On the other hand, other therapists I visited felt good to talk to. The commercial aspect of therapy makes it easy to trust the person you are talking to. Other types of therapy gave my wife the right words to talk to each other.

What kind of pills did they put you on? They take a couple of weeks to start working. For me they never were pleasant. I was happiest this year when I got off the pills, until the depression kicked back in.

Let us know how its going.

[NickStokes]

Try doing some exercises or getting outside as often as possible. It may help you.