I don't want to be here anymore

[Kakashimoto88]

Hi, my name is AJ, I'm a 26 year old student in my 3rd year. I was diagnosed with depression, ADD, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and FASD at the age of 11 when my dad finally got custody of me from my biological mother who constantly beat me, starved me, and molested me. I was bullied in school, which only escalated from exclusion, to harassment, to having my rear end handed to me on a daily basis. After years of going from job to job, I decided to go to University. First year was great, I made some friends and got good grades from B+ to A+. Then, classes I needed were no longer available due to budget cuts so I changed my program slightly. I lost 12 credits and would need to do spring and summer classes to catch up. This also meant I had to move to Edmonton so I bought a place to stay. My marks started getting worse in 2nd year dropping to C's and B-. Just before 3rd year started I was in an accident. My car needed body work and I'm in a decent amount of pain still. Then class times were changed and I had to switch to fix the time conflict but they were full and I needed them as prerequisites for the 2nd semester. I was able to bypass that but then student loans were denied. This made my depression and anxiety worse to the point that I failed 3 classes. This semester I keep getting sick and I've missed so many classes. I'm behind on assignments, I keep missing work and I'm in danger of losing my job. I can't get myself to do any of the assignments and I can't sleep, I've completely lost my appetite, I don't feel like doing anything, and I don't want to do this anymore. I would really like some direction but I'm too embarrassed to say anything to anybody. Can someone help me?

[CoronaBorealis]

Hi,

When life gets on top of you, just keep your head high and try and overcome anything that is thrown at you. Unfortunately, you wanted to goto school to better yourself as a person, but it may be time you gave it up and focused on work. You're doing too much at once and I know what this is like. It catches up to you and then 1 day you think "why do i bother?" This happens because you've tired yourself out and taking on too many things one person like us can handle. You need to take a step back and think what your priority is... school... work... or your health?

I've been in this situation before, school and work, daily, day in and day out. I took a step back and thought.. what is more important to me? I nearly chose school, but because I was in a job at the time, bills needed to be paid. School got ditched... you're never too old to go back to school when your mentally ready.

You need to take that time for yourself and see where you want to go and what you want to do instead of tiring yourself out. The more tired you are, the more you want to give up and hide.

Never be embarrassed to ask for help. If you have councellers at your school, go and have a one to one chat with them about this stuff. This is what theyre there for.

Let me know how you get on.

Lyndsay