Looking forward to making friends to support each other

[Sosad74]

Hello I'm new here. I've suffered with depression, anxiety and OCD for many years. My depression now is at an all time high, I've completely isolated myself, don't go out and had to stop working as a result. I guess I'm basically hoping to meet people here that understand and can talk to.

[CrazyKiss]

Hi there, welcome to The Depression Alliance Site. I hope u find it useful and supportive for you. There maybe people on here who know exactly what ur going through in regards to Depression, Anxiety and OCD. They maybe able to help if u need any support.

You said you dont go out, u cant work anymore and that u have isolated urself with everyone. Do u know how long u been feeling like this? It seems that u most be experiencing with serve Depression and all the signs are there. Im sorry that u had to stop working because of this but atleast u know that u can take time out and think about urself first.

Are u seeing the doctor or getting any Counselling at the moment? If not then u may want to go and see the doctor about how ur feeling. They also do out of hours appointments if ur emergency is important so u dont need to go out and see them. What do u think about that? Could u see the doctor first.

Also because u dont go out and u dont see anyone its important that u focues ur mind on something everyday what helps u to make another step like getting out of bed if u can, making a cup of tea, opening the curtains, making ur bed etc. Those things can make a big difference and once u can do those things u can think about going to the shop or go in the garden for a bit. What do u think about that?

I do recomend u go and see the doctor and tell him how u feel. You can either arrange for doctor to come and see u, u talking to the doctor on the phone or sending an email to see the doctor. I think that would be good for u.

Please keep reaching out on here.

Take Care

CrazyKiss

[Sosad74]

Thank u for replying.i've been this way for about 6 months now, severely depressed and unable to get out of bed.
I've always struggled with depression but this time is different. First because its at an all time high and there's a reason behind it.
I'll try to explain what got me to this state.
About a year ago the man I was with on and off for 13 years proposed and we started making plans to start a family as soon as he moved back to the US because at that time we were in a long distance relationship. After being together on and off for 12 years, we broke up and he moved out of the country.we ended up getting in touch with each other, communicating with each other long distance for about 2 years and at that time decided to have a future together. I was ecstatic since he was the love of my life and I'm 40 years old now, probably my last chance at having a baby.
As we were making plans and getting ready for him to move here, I made a horrible desicion to get a cosmetic procedure done on my body. It was a radio frequency device that was just supposed to improve the quality of the skin, instead in went horribly wrong and ended up destroying the fat cells in the areas where the device was used, completely altering the shape of my body, not in a good way.
I went from being attractive, desirable to looking and feeling deformed and so unattractive. That in itself is devastating but as a result of that I ended up having to end my relationship and all of our future plans because I could not stand the idea of him seeing me like this and being turned off.
As a result of that cosmetic procedure, I lost everything!!!!!!!
Loosing him and my chance of having a family is so painful. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend, actually my only friend andmy confidant.
During the years that we were together I isolated myself from other people, also because of depression at times so he was my only friend. I didn't really have a social life. He was everything to me.
It's now been over a month that I ended all contact with him and I feel so alone and the emotional pain is unbearable. Like I said I haven't left my apt in about 6 months, that's when the transformation in my physical appearance happened. I'm at the end of my rope, I really don't feel like life is worth living, I don't want to live with this emotional pain and I don't have the energy or motivation to go see a doctor, besides I really doubt that a doctor would be able to help me get rid of this pain.
The only time I leave my apt is to take my dog for a walk, I force myself to. I feel so bad for him because He's such a good dog, so loyal, i love him so much but he looks depressed as well, I guess he feels my pain, seeing me laying in bed all day and he doesn't deserve that but I can't help it.
I'm praying for a miracle, for something to change because I really can't take the pain anymore. I appreciate advice and just someone to talk to since I am completely alone. I don't know if anyone understands how I feel.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there Sosad74. It's nice to meet you and welcome to the forums.

I'm really sorry for everything that you've been through. I can imagine the heartbreak you are feeling.

I'm a little lost though. You said that you were the one that ended the relationship because you thought he would be turned off from you. Those are your feelings and fears but did HE actually say or understand that was your reason for breaking up with him ?

What I mean is love to me is when you fall in love with somebody and love that person from the inside and out no matter what may happen in life. No human on earth has looks that stay the same forever. Sometimes very terrible and unfair things do happen in life like what happened to you. Sometimes medical conditions , sickness, and age change you drastically. But a relationship should NEVER have to end because of the others " appearance".

You sound like you were the one to push him away. Is there anyway you could talk to him again and tell him your fears ?

And if indeed that is the way he feels about you just because of what happened believe me sweetie you are BY FAR better off without him. NO REAL man with a decent heart would ever turn down the woman that he would have spent his whole life with just because her looks change.

True love is so beautiful. It's wonderful , almost magical. It's strong and everlasting. YOU are beautiful no matter what you look like on the outside. And you deserve someone that falls in love with the heart that beats "inside of you". Someone that you can laugh with and cry with. Someone that you can trust with your deepest secrets and biggest dreams. Someone that will stand beside you through the bad and through the good in life.

If there is a chance you can still be with him please try if you really love him. But he is the type that just judges you then please don't give up on finding that one man that will treat you like a queen and give you the life that you deserve.

My fingers are crossed for you and I will be thinking about you. Take Care Always okay.

love and hugs !!

[Sosad74]

Hello thank you for responding. I did tell my ex the reasons why I had to end things and he told me that he didn't care about my body yet he was always insisting on me sending him pictures. I know him very well and know that he is really physically driven and that he would cheat on me as he wouldn't be as attracted to me as he was in the past, after all he did cheat on me when I still looked beautiful. I really do think of suicide because I'm in so much emotional pain. I'm having an identity crisis since I don't recognize the way I look now and can't stand my body.. It's very hard to explain how it feels.
We live in a world that is so physically driven so i can't accept the way I look now. My family told me they don't see a drastic difference but I know they just want to make me feel better. I spend my days locked inside my apartment and I've been living like this for 7 months already. It's not a life.
Thank you for listening and hope to hear back.

[sershen]

@Sosad74: I think you can overcome your problems, but only if you have the heart to do it. Maybe if you stop worrying about ur Ex boyfriend, and think maybe you can get another one, you will start to feel a little bit better. Also think what in your mind is making you feel depressed. Is it just you body issue that you discussed, or is it something else as well. If it is just the body issue (or something similar), then u can overcome it by "shifting your focus" and your thought patterns. Positive thoughts will create more positive thoughts and feelings, and the negative ones will fade away.