My Situation

[Whatstolose]

Hi, I posted on the new members introduction and went into 'my story'. So sorry but I re-posted it here. I haven't read the other posts in this thread but I'm going back to read them now.

I'm 50 years old and female. Single mother to a 16 yr old daughter. I was left by my ex of 14 years when I was 3 months pregnant. She told me that she loved me but was no longer in love with me. We made it through that and she stayed involved in our daughter's life but never truly stepped up to the role of parenting. It's been primarily me. My daughter has always been difficult and last February was diagnosed as bipolar. The good parts are she doesn't do drugs, alcohol, sex, cutting school. She is responsible with her schoolwork and very intelligent. Thankfully I don't have to deal with those things. The bad part is that I've been dealing with a lot of crap, major stuff over the last 5 years...emotional issues with her, cutting (self harm). After going throug 5 therapists, we finally found the right one for her. Then, Fall of 2013, I fell into a major depression. Her therapist says that I found someone I could trust to take care of her and then allowed myself to fall apart. Then in November I was part of a layoff in my company. I completely fell apart. Since then my best friend has abandoned me because she can't handle our issues. My mother, who was my best best friend, passed away last summer unexpectedly. My daughter in one of her fits called the police and had me arrested for child endangerment as they believed what she said. I was able to sort things out in court and get the charges dropped but it was 2 months of hell. I'm depressed now, not in a very violent way as last year but in a numbing bottom of a black hole type of way. Dealing with the holidays without my mom. Loss of my other best friend. My daughter has been better but issues continue. There are issues between her and some members of my very small family that are causing tension. Though they have good intentions, they don't understand bipolar and I just can't deal with them on top of everything else.

I can't seem to make new friends IRL even though I am trying. I'm working a consulting job but really need a permanent one so I can stop paying for health benefits which are financially killing me. I pretty much had a job wrapped up last August and a reference ruined it. I was seeing a therapist and she dropped me with no explanation. I need people to talk to, not for advice but to commiserate, to hear me, to know I'm not alone. To understand. When I'm left with my own thoughts, I get into trouble. My ex has been there for me and understands a lot and tries to help but her life is so busy. She lost her mother a few months ago too. She knows however that I have to get things out. Either talk or write and it's better when someone hears/sees them. She makes time to let me talk. Sometimes there are times when I can't get the things out. I fall into a numbness where I don't even want to talk. I'm dreading Christmas Eve without my mother.

[ThePolisher]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Life is a real kicker sometimes. How was your Christmas? Mine was very quiet and lonely. You wouldn't think I had a partner. She seemed to spend most of her time either visiting parents, friends or cleaning the house. (OCD). Even Christmas Day I was alone for the day. Time for change I think.